Child Support.

My son's dad is now about 4 months behind on his child support. He SAID he was going to send a payment this month but it hasn't happened yet so I took matters in to my own hands and called who I needed to call. I found out that due to him being in contempt of court (Court order says visitation be at his mom's, but he was arrested for family violence and now isn't allowed back at his mom's), I am allowed to stop visitation completely until we go back to court. And I'm pretty sure that I'm going too. I was going to be easy on him and not do it IF he payed this child support payment cause it was going to go towards my son's Christmas presents. But since he doesn't even seem to care if his son has a decent Christmas, and doesn't even bother trying to see him for thanksgiving, it has become obvious to me that he really doesn't care. So with that said, I started looking for lawyers. I can file 3 different charges against him (personal reasons) & completely terminate his rights while still making him pay child support. I have been contemplating back & fourth in my head if this is the right thing to do for my son. But I'm pretty sure it is. His dad bails on him all the time, & never pays attention to him. I honestly believe that the only reason he has not given his rights up yet (He has threatened to do so MANY many times before), Is because he doesn't want to "look" bad to all the little girls he flirts with on facebook. UGH, I'm not sure how I ever got involved with such a ... lowlife.... but I want better for my son than this. I mean honestly, He didn't even call to wish him a happy birthday on his 1st birthday. How smurffy of a father can you be.

I don't see how you can terminate his parental rights and him still pay child support. That's different from just not getting visitation or custody. Do what you feel you need to, though. No one knows how bad the situation is but you. No one can make him pay or see his son, so maybe it's best if he signs over his parental rights, but that means not acknowledging that he's legally his child, and not paying child support.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I don't see how you can terminate his parental rights and still pay child support. That's different from ... [snip!] ... he signs over his parental rights, but that means not acknowledging that he's legally his child, and not paying child support."

I saw a lawyer back in February myself for this situation.
She told me that if I terminated his rights, I would not be entitled to any child support. I would not be entitled to his medical information for LO's sake if anything happened, and LO would not be entitled to any inheritance that BD left behind. It would be as if BD never had a child.
If he files to terminate his rights though, it's a different story. But from what I was told, the custodial parent can't terminate rights and still expect to get money.

I was told if I filed abandonment, I could still get it. But I really don't care about the child support anymore. How has it helped me? He has only paid ONE payment and has had rights to see him since last April. I think I'm just going to press the charges I have on him, terminate his rights MYSELF, and never speak to him again. His girlfriend will probably end up bailing him out of jail. If she doesn't go to jail herself since she is involved in one of the charges I can press against my son's dad. I just don't want to see my son go through this anymore. It's not fair to him. He didn't chose who his father was. The least his father could do is ACT like he cares, but he doesn't even do that.

Do what you feel is best for your son. You can't make BD be a dad if he doesn't want to be. He was a man who helped create him, be grateful for that and move forward. Your his mother and you know whats best for him. He doesn't need a man that you have to force to be apart of his life.

Good luck to you!

Quoting Dylan'smommy011:" I was told if I filed abandonment, I could still get it. But I really don't care about the child support ... [snip!] ... to him. He didn't chose who his father was. The least his father could do is ACT like he cares, but he doesn't even do that. "

As someone in a similar situation, I understand what you're saying.
LO is turning 2 on the 28th of this month, BD has met him once and that's when I paid gas out of pocket and took him down there. He's never paid child support, we had a court date for it last week, he didn't show, he got a warrant for it too.
You do have the option to terminate his rights completely and be done 100%, or you could continue to try and get child support and just try to get full custody with no visitation, which would go more in your favor since you can prove that he is violent. Or you could also ask that the visitation be supervised by an agency instead of his mother and they do all the work for you; note taking, supervision, etc. Either way, I'd still do a consultation with a local family law attorney just to make sure you know the laws and procedures for your state.

Quoting Dylan'smommy011:" My son's dad is now about 4 months behind on his child support. He SAID he was going to send a payment ... [snip!] ... I mean honestly, He didn't even call to wish him a happy birthday on his 1st birthday. How smurffy of a father can you be. "

He would still owe his arrears, but not any future payments. I'm going through the same thing with DD's bio-dad. But I also have DH, who wants to adopt her, so it makes my case a bit easier. DH is the only father she has ever known, but she is 6, so understands the situation completely. On my paperwork it says he will still owe everything which is past due (for me it's over 18k) but he will not be responsible for any future payments once rights are terminated. So you will most likely still be owed what he is behind on, up until the rights are terminated. Just remember most states make it really difficult to terminate a parent's rights if there isn't someone else willing to adopt. Or if the baby isn't in danger. Good luck though!!!!

Terminating rights is not that simple.

If he is that close to ending his rights on his own, I would butter him up instead.

My ex gave up my girls for adoption to my DH. He couldn't handle the financial obligation and ha never even tried to contact them in five years.

A termination quite simply won't happen unless a) he agrees to terminate or b) he has been found to have completely ended contact for an extended period of time- ie a year or more. Many states say 6 months is the time frame, but this 6 months of absence is almost always accompanied by previous situations of child abuse and neglect that have been proven.

I'm pretty sure that I just want him out of the picture completely for good. I have done a lot for him and cut him a break more than once. I have warned him over & over again. But he thinks I haven't done anything for him. SO I'm guessing all the times he didn't have diapers, or tylenol when our son was sick, or even a stroller or potty seat, I didn't help him when I GAVE him mine. All he does is scream at me everytime we speak. It's obvious that we won't be able to settle this on our own. And I don't want his hostility around my son. He has a kid on the way with his new girlfriend why can't he just give up his rights, and go try to play a "happy little family" with her. Just last week he was still trying to get back together with me. And I'm done with his crap. All he wants to do is play little boy games. My boyfriend is thinking of pressing charges on my son's dad too cause I have voicemails on my phone of him just last week screaming at me and telling me he is going to beat my boyfriend's ass all because I wouldn't leave my boyfriend, and go back to him.

Quoting Safka9973:" Terminating rights is not that simple. If he is that close to ending his rights on his own, I would ... [snip!] ... this 6 months of absence is almost always accompanied by previous situations of child abuse and neglect that have been proven."

There are personal things that have happened that I'm trying not to mention, but I have enough proof to prove him an unfit parent & take his rights away.

My opinion, if he's not asking to see him, forget the visitation AND the child support. To me, those things go hand in hand. Why should he pay child support when he doesn't WANT the child?

For my situation with my sons father, he's never been interested. He saw him a handful of times his entire life, never wanted more. So I finally cut off ties & he's happy doing his own thing & I am happy doing my own thing. I've never asked for child support. The way I see it is, I CHOSE to have this child when I got pregnant, I could have terminated the pregnancy. I chose to have him whether the father was involved or not. He, didn't have that option, so I gave it to him. I support my child 100% on my own & I'm totally okay with that.  

Also, if you can't afford some christmas gifts for an infant, perhaps you should get a job for the sake of yourself AND the baby... Think of the long run, don't depend on another person to support your child.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dylan'smommy011:</b>" There are personal things that have happened that I'm trying not to mention, but I have enough proof to prove him an unfit parent & take his rights away. "</blockquote>




W my DHs ex, we were told by our lawyer we had a clear cut case for terminating her rights.

She had disappeared for a full two years no contact, and really had been gone from his life for 6 years (from 4 months on).

She had been to jail for drugs and shoplifting. She still was using heroin and dilaudid in front of the kids (when she started literally kidnapping him from school). And she was having numerousexual relationships and actually having sex in front of my boy. All of this as told to us by my boy.

But our judge did not terminate. Instead he gave her supervised visitations which he did not follow through with. He ordered her uas which she also did not complete. We received one in 9 month period. Then she started to alienate the boy when her supervise visits ended, which is documented by his therapist. My boy started having extreme behavioral problems. And the judge gave her 3/4 weekends! She doesn't even spend most of her time with him and just drops him off at her parents house! I wish this were better, I suppose it is a bit because they actually love him, but they are drunks and he has actually returned home from their house with cigarette burns on his arm twice when he was a toddler.

Quoting Dylan'smommy011:" There are personal things that have happened that I'm trying not to mention, but I have enough proof to prove him an unfit parent & take his rights away. "

It's not that easy sweetie. From the sounds of your last comment (him wanting to get back together with you, still talking as recent as last week), you CAN'T file abandonment. & He most likely isn't going to agree with you if you try to terminate his rights, most likely for spite, or he really DOES want to be involved but doesn't know how to behave...

I can still stop the visitation till we go back to court since he is in contempt of court. & I'm going to make sure the visitation is supervised if I can't get his rights taken away. He told me he'd never do a supervised visitation, that he'd give his rights up if it came down to that. So hopefully that's what it takes. Cause I want him out of our lives. My son barely even knows who he is.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dylan'smommy011:</b>" I can still stop the visitation till we go back to court since he is in contempt of court. & I'm ... [snip!] ... came down to that. So hopefully that's what it takes. Cause I want him out of our lives. My son barely even knows who he is. "</blockquote>



I hope that if things go as you wish, that this is truly what is best for your child. It is such a difficult decision to make. My ex wasn't a bad guy, he just wasnt a father. He wasn't 4 months behind in CS, he was 30,000$ and five years in gifts, phone calls and visits. So he chose for himself. Maybe because of the financial crisis he was in. I don't know. But it was the best choice. My girls would be fine of things had stayed as they were, but it is better this way that my husband, the one father they've had consistently through their lives is now their legal dad.

As for my boy- that is an ongoing battle that involves dealing with a jealous ex wife. Having her rights severed would go above and beyond his best interests, but without him she has no foot in our door (haha not that she is allowed anywhere net our property)

If it is what is best, I wish you luck. It is a long difficult road. And it seems that the children who need these ties severed the most unfortunately usually do not get to have these dire needs met.