confused...is anyone elses husband like this?

Myhusband and i have been together for almost 3 years. We just had our first son together and he has 3 kids with his ex wife. since i have been home from the hospital with baby( he was born at 31 weeks and spent 5 weeks in NICU) he comes home from work eats donner and goes to bed. Im lucky if he says two words to me. He doesnt want to have sex at all and he has only held our son myabe twice long enough for me to prepare his bottle. I have tried talking to him about it and he tells me that i am over reacting. Am I? Not bonding or paying attention to me is one thign yes it upsets me a lot and some nights i cry but what really eats me is it seems like he doesnt want to bond with his son or even enjoy him. On the weekends when he doesnt work he just watches tv and still doesnt want to help me with Jr. or he leaves and goes out with friends. Not only do both of us need his attention but I also need some help. Yes I can take care of our son by myself but thats not the point. Shouldnt he want to help or at least bond with him more? I fond myself crying most nights because of this and i really dont know what to do.

Husbands suck  

You need to tell him he needs to play his smurfing part or you will find someone who will.

Wow, I'm so sorry you're going through that.  

I don't know what to say. My DH wasn't super involved with DD at first, but he still talked to me and spent time with me.

no but really, i think every guy is different. some dont bond until kids are older. they just miss out! as for not helping you... i am still trying to figure out how to get my husband to help more. 10 months later, nothing. good luck and i hope someone posts a secret to getting men to understand!

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" You need to tell him he needs to play his smurfing part or you will find someone who will."

!!! I agree with this.

When our son was in NICU he couldnt wait to come and see both of us because i stayed there of course. We live 328 miles round trip from the hospital so he only came on weekends. when he came we would have sex multiple times a night and he hated to leave the babys room but now that we are home its like he doesnt want anythign to do with either one of us. I also found out that while i was at the hospital he was on 3 different online dating sites i confronted him on it and he said that it was just tomeet and talk to new people...what the hell kind of excuse is that???

Quoting Tiffany M Middleton:" When our son was in NICU he couldnt wait to come and see both of us because i stayed there of course. ... [snip!] ... i confronted him on it and he said that it was just tomeet and talk to new people...what the hell kind of excuse is that???"

is he depressed or un happy?

Quoting annabelle509:" is he depressed or un happy?"

Idk he wont talk to me about anything. I hardly get him to say hello when he gets home. He gets in the house i make him donner nad i take him his plate and he goes in the room and goes to bed.

Quoting Tiffany M Middleton:" Idk he wont talk to me about anything. I hardly get him to say hello when he gets home. He gets in the house i make him donner nad i take him his plate and he goes in the room and goes to bed."

tell him that if he wont open up and talk with you to try and resolve some of these porblems, then you want to see a counsler. if he does not agreee to either, tell him he needs to figure his smurf out or move the smurf out. communication is necesary for a relationship to work.

Quoting annabelle509:" tell him that if he wont open up and talk with you to try and resolve some of these porblems, then you ... [snip!] ... either, tell him he needs to figure his smurf out or move the smurf out. communication is necesary for a relationship to work."

I know communtion is key in any relationship. I want to talk to him about it and other things because I have been home with baby for 2 weeks sunday and i think tha ti am also getting PPD. I feel so overwhelmed most of the time and he isnt here fo rme to talk to about it or to even talk to me.

Okay if he's on dating sites to "meet and talk to people", but he's not talking to you, there's a problem.

Also, that would be a red flag to me. There are PLENTY of sites that are not dating-oriented where he can meet and talk to people. I call bullsmurf.

He's pulling away from you, he's not helping, he's not wanting anything to do with his son, AND he's on dating sites? Something is going on. Guys aren't just there one minute and then mentally and emotionally check out the next minute without something being up.

Quoting RainbowDash:" Okay if he's on dating sites to "meet and talk to people", but he's not talking to you, there's a problem. ... [snip!] ... on. Guys aren't just there one minute and then mentally and emotionally check out the next minute without something being up."

Thats exactly what I thought to...I am going to try to talk to him on friday after thanksgiving. he has the week off till monday so hopefully he can find some time for me in there. Maybe if I explain to him that i think im getting PPD o rhave it he will listen he has always been concerned about my well being. If not i think I am going to consider counseling.