Food for a party of 50!!

First Im gunna vent..you can skip ahead to the question at the end if you wish!

My MIL died 3 months ago. My FILs 50th birthday is on Friday. His wife had planned to throw him a big 50th (she didnt plan it yet but they had talked about it before she passed). Me, DH and DH's Aunt (we will call her J) decided FIL deserves a surprise 50th because he is just a great guy and he helps everyone out whenever they need it. We def cant afford a hall so J decided we should have it at her house.....me and DH just have to pay for everything.. DH's 2 brothers (18 and 24) live with their Dad and when we discussed the party with them they said it sounds like a good idea but neither of them can help with money or planning...because they have no time or money. (My MIL was my babysitter so I can't work now and we have 2 kids! DH brothers have no kids and barely any monetary obligations.) The party will be on Dec 1. Last week both brothers spent $150 each on a tattoo and have bought themselves numerous video games since the time we asked them to help with the party. DH's family is italian so while J was talking to them about the party a few of them offered to make some food so J tells them "Oh ok! If you want you can make something...but I insist we pay you for the money you spend making things"
Background on J is that she was married to a very rich guy and they are recently divorced...at her kids grad parties they always had like lobsters and smurf for everyone....she now gets $400 a week for alimony (she hasnt worked in a good 30 years) her ex covers her mortgage and utilities for her house and she sold the escalade he gave her to buy a car outright....so basically all she has to pay for is food (her 2 kids in her house are 17 and 22) and her cell phone. So she was on the phone with me yesterday and told me that her aunt was making wings and I will have to pay her for all the ingredients. I told my hubby later and he texted her saying "Just to be clear..we wont be paying relatives to make food....we dont have money, everything for the party is going on our credit cards" so last night she responds "Thats fine but you two will have to make all the food then." WTF!? Am I wrong in being annoyed with his whole damn family? She had planned on making something too but Im assuming she was planning on having me pay her to make ziti and meatballs.....for her own brothers bday!!!! I feel like DH family are a bunch of selfish smurfs and I just need to vent somewhere. In my family me and my sister go back and forth...if one of us is poor for a while we help eachother out without a question! When I know one of my cousins or uncles is having a hard time I help in whatever way I can...even if I barely have anything Im willing to share it! Not only that but if you offer to make something for a party would you asked to be reinbursed for it? I know my MIL ALWWAAYS brought food to parties no questions asked. I would just say smurf this whole thing and forget it...but my FIL is just such a great guy and I feel like he needs a night all about him instead of everyone asking "How ARE you doing?" and continuously bringing up his dead wife.

Sorry for the rant! Anyways. My question is....what should I cook and how much (for about 50ish people) I do have like 6 of the metal rack thingys you use to hold trays over the little burner thinys to keep the food warmed. My sister is gunna make a giant pan of mac & cheese (and she isnt making me pay her for it BTW even tho she is a single mother and a student). I was thinking about making stuffed shells and meatballs.....how many should I make? and any other food ideas would be great.

Your DH's family are a bunch of greedy, stingy bastards, if you ask me...

What jerks! Ugh, they piss me off and I don't even know you!! Sorry you are having to deal with that!  

My mom throws a lot of huge parties (50+ guests) and usually makes baked spaghetti. It's not expensive and goes far!

totally unfair!!! n yes selfish y not make a potluck!!!! not the same but for my uncles funeral last yr I made 40lbs of hamburger, brownies, drinks, buns, chips, other ppl brought stuff and no one even cared about reimbursement!!!! wish they could do a potluck style thing talk to the fam tell them u need help and r not able to fulfill everything cuz ud go broke

I would do mac n cheese, mashed potatoes, italian beefs, chicken, salad, fruit and some dessert.

Thank you! Sometimes I feel like I must just be a huge bitch...we live with my Mom (my Dad died when I was 1  so we dont have to pay a ridic amount of rent or anything but we have crazy bills! DH just started a new job and while he is training he gets like $620 a week...before taxes and health insurance. I think his family thinks kids are cheap or something...im just so disappointed. I know better than to count on other people..I shouldve just said smurf it and paid the damn $300 for a hall.
How long ahead of time can I cook lasagna and baked ziti and all that?

Quoting DannyPete&MaggieKate's Ma:" Thank you! Sometimes I feel like I must just be a huge bitch...we live with my Mom (my Dad died when ... [snip!] ... just said smurf it and paid the damn $300 for a hall. How long ahead of time can I cook lasagna and baked ziti and all that?"

Not very far because it can get gross but I have a recipe for pasta bake where you don't pre-cook the noodles!

Wanna share your recipe?? Or do I need to pay you for it.. ;)

Quoting DannyPete&MaggieKate's Ma:" Wanna share your recipe?? Or do I need to pay you for it.. ;)"

Hahaha sorry I had to find it on my pinterest.

http://realmomkitchen.com/6196/super-fast-pasta-bake/
I would do three of these and maybe three of a white or pesto sauce, garlic bread, salad, some desserts. That's what we did at my wedding shower and it was a HUGE hit!

After my MIL passed me and DH rented a hall for after the funeral and a few of their relatives brought food...but we got 2 giant cold cut platters and 2 giant dessert platters....they only brought food because they didnt think ours would be enough. No one offered to help pay for any of that party either. My mom ordered the platters (she works at the grocery store) and was gunna pick them up and pay for them...but i happened to get their first...my mom doesnt have money to be throwing around either but in times like that you just help out! (In my family thats how it is anyways) the other thing that pisses me off is that my BILs have seen my kids less than 5 times since my MIL died....they live 1 mile away (no joke)

Quoting Jude the Super Kinkster:" Hahaha sorry I had to find it on my pinterest. http://realmomkitchen.com/6196/super-fast-pasta-bake/ ... [snip!] ... of a white or pesto sauce, garlic bread, salad, some desserts. That's what we did at my wedding shower and it was a HUGE hit!"

Thanks!