The Unspoken

This will shock many because it's not something you hear on a day to day basis when it comes to children, but it happens. I hope that my story can help someone out there. It's hard making decisions like this, but just know that you aren't alone. The year was 2008, I was a sophomore in high school and my boyfriend at the time was a senior. I was 15 years old. He was my first real boyfriend and i was so in 'love' with him. We were inseparable, and i thought that i wanted to be with him 'forever'. Anyways the story goes on.
I became very sick at the time and had thought nothing of it because i was always sick growing up. I couldn't eat and all i wanted to do was sleep. Then it got to a point where all i wanted to do was eat. I had started gaining weight and was very emotional and my body just started feeling really 'weird' (as a 15 year old would say) too weird. My boyfriend at the time had brought up taking a pregnancy test which i thought was ridiculous because I was 15 and i thought, 'this couldn't be happening to me.' I finally agreed on taking it just to put our minds at ease. I had lived right around the street from the Planned Parenthood so i had decided on just going there and taking a free pregnancy test. I had taken my best friend at the time with me because my boyfriend couldn't make it. I went in took the pregnancy and waiting literally about two and a half hours to get my results read back to me. When the nurse had finally called my name to hear my results I had to leave my friend in the waiting room. I went into the room and stood waiting for my results. The nurse then looks at me and says, "You might want to sit down for this." Then I had already known the answer to all of my questions. I sat down and the nurse gave me the 'positive' results, I was one month and two weeks pregnant. At this point i couldn't speak. She notices this and then says, "You have a couple options: you can leave here and continue on with your pregnancy, you can make an appointment now for an abortion, or you can leave, think about it and then give us a call back. What will your decision be?" I'm terrified at this point and in shock i tell her that i want to leave and that I would be keeping my pregnancy. She says okay and gives me number to call in case i changed my mind. I step out of the office and immediately begin to cry. My friend already knows what my results were and began to cry with me. I called my boyfriend and told him right away, he cried and then showed up at my house a little while later. I walked into my house and i knew that my mother would kill me so I didn't say anything to her about it, I just kept quiet. I didn't tell anyone anything. My mind was racing with thoughts all day and night. God doesn't approve of abortions, my moms going to kill me, what will my friends think, what am I going to do. My boyfriend wants me to keep it and I decide that there was no way that i would get an abortion. I knew it would be rough, but I wanted to make sure my mother didn't find out I was pregnant because I knew she would make me have an abortion. I couldn't hold it in any longer so one night I had decided to call my sister who lived out of state to tell her the news. She was the only person i had trusted. I dialed her number and told her I was pregnant, she hung up on me and i immediately heard my mother's phone ring. My mother picks up the phone and yells,"what the hell!!" My boyfriend was over and i made him leave right away,(later i had found out that he stayed under the stairway at my neighbors house for half the night). I sat there on the couch waiting for my mother to come beat me as i knew she would. She screamed and called me a whore and said i was worthless among many other things. She sent me to my room and there I stayed. I cried all through the night and when i woke up in the morning to get ready for school she had told me to go lay back down because i wasn't allowed to go to school anymore because she didn't want me to be able to see or talk to my boyfriend. I was not allowed out of my room whatsoever because my mom did not want to see me because I "disgusted her". I sat in my room day in and day out and cried and cried and cried. There was nothing i could do and my mom had disowned me. The only time she talked to me was when she came into my room randomly telling me that she was going to go drop me off somewhere random and for me to hope that someone would adopt me after i had been so disgusting. She always said that she didn't love me anymore and wanted nothing to do with me so she doubt anyone else would want me. She told me that I had to have an abortion and there was no question to it. No matter how much I cried or what I said, She was determined to make me have that abortion. She called up the planned parenthood and scheduled me an appointment to get it done and told me the date, but i refused to kill my baby. My mom had always raised me to not care about what other people had thought about me, just to be myself and that was all that mattered, but all she could think and say was... "what are people going to think of me!" It wasn't her fault, but i wasn't a whore either. As time went on my mother let me go back to school but would drop me off right before the late bell rang and was there to pick me up an hour early so as soon as the dismissal bell rang I had to run to the car. I had never told any of my friends at school because that was unheard of then. During this I lost my older brother mentally because I told him I wouldn't have an abortion. Years later we are barely beginning to talk again.
I argued with my mother day in and day out because there was no way I would get that abortion. After all the things that my mom had put me through I gave in. My appointment had come nearer and my mom was actually being nice, loving and caring again and I had so been longing for this.
The day had come February 3rd the day I was to have my abortion. My mother woke me up at around 5:30am because we had a 'big day' ahead of us. I had to check in by 7am but my mother was extra early because she known that the pro lifers would be standing outside of the clinic with their signs and knew how harsh their words could be. My mother, my boyfriend and I had gone inside and i had checked in. My mother and I had to sign a bunch of papers and finally my name was called. No one could go with me, I had to go alone. I walked into the back and it was very cold, i only had the clothes I had been wearing and a cell phone to text my boyfriend while I waited. I was given a cup full of pills and some water to take them with then was taken to a room that I was to wait in until it was my turn. The room was filled with chairs up against every wall, a couple magazines and a television. I must've been one of the first because there was only two other girls in the room when i had been seated. I didn't talk to anyone at all, I was terrified. I could barely think at this point because i was so out of it. As my consciousness went in and out I remember the room filling with woman of all ages, some talked and laughed others just sat there. Some had wedding rings on and others didn't. Some woman spoke about being there multiple times before and at that point I didn't even want to listen anymore. As time went by it became colder and colder. My name was called and I could barely stand on my own to walk to the room where my abortion would occur. The nurse told me to take off my clothes and put a gown on and then wait. I was shivering like no other. The doctor came in and it was a middle aged female. She told me to lie on my back scoot all the way to the end of the table and whatever I did, stay still. She introduced me to another nurse who would be my 'coach' throughout the procedure. She told me everything would be okay just to hold her hand and squeeze if i needed to, but most importantly not to move and just relax as best as possible. The doctor explained what she did as it happened. She opened me up with the sternum and gave me a shot inside of my vagina to numb me so that I wouldn't feel so much pain. Next thing I knew I could feel scrapping inside of me and I yelled stop. She said that she couldn't. Then I heard a vacuum like noise tears immediately began to fall and I cried and begged for them to stop, I didn't want this to happen. The nurse tried to calm me and explained that they couldn't stop it was too late. Finally the noise stopped. The doctor wiped me and the bloody table i was laying on, then left the room and I never saw her again. The nurse gave me my clothes and a huge pad to put on because I would be bleeding for a while. Once i was dressed the nurse walked me to another room and I sat there while they took my vitals, gave me a series of shots and explained birth control to me. After this I rested for a bit nodding in and out of sleep and was finally taken to my mother and boyfriend. I couldn't walk on my own for a while and laid in bed for days. I missed two weeks of school and bled for about a month and a half straight. I had the worse cramps i had ever felt in my life and the heating pad was my best friend. I didn't talk to my mom for days after and hardly to my boyfriend. I was filled with guilt and resentment. My mother and I had never really been close since and my boyfriend and I broke up for good a year and a half later. He is now serving 15 to life in prison for threatening to kill his girlfriends (at the time) parents with a loaded gun while being on probation and having drugs in his system. If I had been educated on babies, pregnancies and abortions I wouldn't of gone through with it. I had my abortion at three months two and a half weeks. I will never forget any of it and I still have guilt about it and believe that i will have it there forever. I know God has forgiven me, but I just don't think I'm ready to forgive myself. Just know that everything will be alright and if anyone needs to talk I'm here. 

i just cried reading this. i am so sorry you had to go through that. i personally have not had an experience like that but i think its great that you posted this so it may help others. you are a very strong person

Such an emotionally horrifying story. I personally would have disowned my mother. That was not her choice to make. I would never do that to my children. I would expect that if they thought they were adult enough to be having sex that would have to be adult enough to face the reality of life.

Wow.

How long ago was this? Are you and your mother still close?

You didn't have to go to a consultation appt first before the procedure? In my state, you have to talk to a dr, get labs and have an ultrasound at least 24 hours before you can make the actual abortion procedure appt. I can't believe your mom made you go thru that awake! I had mine done asleep, easiest thing ever. Do you think she scheduled it that way on purpose? So that you "wouldn't do it again?" I can't believe you did it at 14ish weeks, you could have found out the sex at that point. Geez...I'm so sorry. At such a young age, I think your mom made the best choice for you. You would have missed out on so much...the rest of high school, all of your early adulthood, etc. Having a baby changes everything. If one of my girls came home at 15 and said she was pregnant, I would have probably done the same thing. It's funny how people's opinions change when they're put in a bad situation - like your mom always said to do whatever you wanted and not care what other ppl think but then u get prego and all of a sudden it's all about what other ppl think. I'm very sorry you had to go through that and trust me, it takes time to grieve and to cope and to move on but you have to think about the end result, it's what was best.

I was 15 years old and 15 weeks pregnant when my mum and ex boyfriend forced me to abort. I feel your pain. I am sorry you went through that. Feel free to PM me.

This was so hard to read cousin, but I am so proud of you for having the courage to share your story. I love you so much. And you know I am always here for you.

Quoting AubriesMom:" i just cried reading this. i am so sorry you had to go through that. i personally have not had an experience ... [snip!] ... not had an experience like that but i think its great that you posted this so it may help others. you are a very strong person "

Thank you, when life hands you obstacles like this you have no choice but to be strong.

Quoting Safka9973:" Such an emotionally horrifying story. I personally would have disowned my mother. That was not her ... [snip!] ... have to be adult enough to face the reality of life. Wow. How long ago was this? Are you and your mother still close?"

This was a few years ago. My little baby would've been four now.
Me and my mother were never really close after that. Our relationship definitely changed, but I still had to deal with her because she was all I had. It just was something left unsaid between us because when she tried to say anything to make me feel better about my abortion, it always came out wrong. It's something she has to deal with for the rest of her likfe as well.

Quoting {{Expecting #3}}:" You didn't have to go to a consultation appt first before the procedure? In my state, you have to talk ... [snip!] ... trust me, it takes time to grieve and to cope and to move on but you have to think about the end result, it's what was best."

I guess i seemed to leave that part out. Yes I did have an ultrasound the same day as my abortion. I had gone into the room and it was a vaginal ultrasound, as the nurse did my ultrasound i watched the whole thing. I knew I had saw a little baby in there, but with being so young and wanting everything to be a dream I had turned to look at her and said, "There's nothing in there right?" I was totally uneducated about everything that had to do with being pregnant, it was never an open subject with my mother and I. The nurse turned to me and said,"No, there's nothing there." After she said that I felt a sense of relief until years later i was doing research and found out just how developed the baby really was. My mother said it was the right thing to do, but I still regret it. Maybe that stuff is true about school and missing out, but the pain is still there. It was definitely traumatizing. Time is all I have at this point, but I will keep moving on in life and i know maybe one day it will all be okay. 

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jack Skellington:</b>" This was a few years ago. My little baby would've been four now. Me and my mother were never really ... [snip!] ... feel better about my abortion, it always came out wrong. It's something she has to deal with for the rest of her likfe as well."</blockquote>




Mine too, we must be about the same age now then. I am 19.

Quoting Ellie Shikari:" I was 15 years old and 15 weeks pregnant when my mum and ex boyfriend forced me to abort. I feel your pain. I am sorry you went through that. Feel free to PM me."

You are officially the first person i've ever heard of actually getting pregnant at the same age as I was. I'm sure it was one of the hardest things to do. You as well are a VERY strong woman. 

Quoting BαƚMαɳ:" This was so hard to read cousin, but I am so proud of you for having the courage to share your story. I love you so much. And you know I am always here for you."

I'm ready to move forward and so I seized this opportunity, plus Im'm sure something about it will help someone else in need.

Quoting Jack Skellington:" I'm ready to move forward and so I seized this opportunity, plus Im'm sure something about it will help someone else in need."

I'm sure it will!!! <3

Quoting Ellie Shikari:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jack Skellington:</b>" This was a few years ago. My little ... [snip!] ... deal with for the rest of her likfe as well."</blockquote> Mine too, we must be about the same age now then. I am 19."

Yes we actually are! And you have a little one now?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jack Skellington:</b>" You are officially the first person i've ever heard of actually getting pregnant at the same age as I was. I'm sure it was one of the hardest things to do. You as well are a VERY strong woman. "</blockquote>




Yeah, your story reminds me so much of mine. It was extremely hard, it has permanently messed me up. But with time it has got better!   thank you for sharing your story.