surgery..

so today was my d&e.

i got there at 11, they got me settled, started an iv and everything, and i waited for the dr who was supposed to be coming at 1. all the nurses who came by all asked me how i was doing and stuff and everytime i had to fight back the tears. the anesthesiologist came by and discuss what he would do, and one of the nurses who would be helping came in too. she was super nice and made me feel better. so while i'm laying there waiting a nurse walks by and is like verrry pregnant. as soon as she turned around andi saw her belly i started crying. it's so unfair. so finally the dr gets there and everything. she write me prescriptions, one for pain meds in case i need them, she says i probably won't, and one for antibiotics becuz i've been bleeding for a few days. then she goes to get ready and that same nurse and the anesthesiologist came in. he started an antibiotic and then they had me pee and then wheeled me into the or. it was soo scary. i was holding back the tears the whole way over there (not that it was far). we got into the room and i don't think i've ever been so scared in my life. they had me move onto the table and covered me with a whole bunch of warmed blankets. then they stuck the moniters and stuff on me and put my feet up in the stirrups. i managed to hold back the tears until right before he put the oxygen mask on me. then the tears just started pouring out. icouldn't stop. he put the mask on me as they put up a sheet infront of meand then told me he had started the medicine and it should be hitting my arm any second. and then i started feeling really tired. he asked how i felt and i told him and he said he was giving me some more and i might remember hearing stuffthat it was normal.then i was just out. i didn't hear anything. next thing i know they're having me move back onto the other bed that is was all done & everything went good. i don't remember them wheeling me back to the room but i remember being in there and the nursewas askingthe anesthesiologista bout something for a class she was taking. andthen me & her got into a convo about school and stuff. i was still super sleepy. they had changed the iv back to like an antibiotic or somethingand the nurse brought me a drink. my moms boyfriend had taken meand they let himcomein.my nurse was leaving so i got another one and when the iv was done she took it out and stuff. a few mins later my mom and sis had gotten there and they came up while my moms bf went to get thecar. the lady letme get dressed and stuff and had me sign another paper. then she gave me my prescriptions and wheeled me downstairs to thecar.

i cried in the car the whole way home. and when i got here i justlayed on the couchand crieduntil i fell asleep for a while. and since then i was just laying here staring at the wall just thinking about everything.

it still kills me and i know this pain isn't going away any time soon. this whole experience has made me realize how much i do want a child now. and i can't wait until that happens. even though when i do get pregnant i'm goingto spend every minute of everyday being scared becuz of what happened this time. after going 7 weeks without knowing the baby had died, having no signof a problem or anything, i never knewit, and i'll be afraid the same thingwill happen again. i know it was a problem with the baby and not me, since my body continued to do what it was supposedto the whole time.. so i just hope the next time the baby will be as strong and healthy as i am. and there's nothing i look forward to more, though i'll be terrified the whole time, thenthe next time i'm blessed to be pregnant again.

I'm so very sorry you had to go through that. I hope you have a speedy recovery and one day have a happy healthy baby to cuddle.

We all love you Cat.

Im so sorry you had to go thru all of this.
*hugs*

Aww I hope you feel better soon, I know the memory will always be there but remember some day like she said you'll have your baby healthy and beautiful like you  

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can find peace. Your angelbaby will forever watch over you and is so so proud ofhis or hermommy!

I am so sorry you had to go through all that.  

I pray you have a quick recovery..... like I said in another one of your posts PM me if you ever need to talk or just vent.

Best wishes.

I am sorry. Stay strong and *hugs and love* sent your way!

thank you all so much <3.

im so sorry. :[
that almost made me cry, i cant imagine how you feel.
i hope everything goes well with your recovery and that you do get your healthy baby someday. <3

Quoting * CAT *:“ thank you all so much <3.”

No thank you for being brave enough to share your story. It makesanyone reading itappreciate their blessings no matter how big or small they are. You are a wonderful person and I wish u all the luck in the world!

Quoting June baby 2008 is a May B:“ No thank you for being brave enough to share your story. It makesanyone reading itappreciate their blessings ... [snip!] ... their blessings no matter how big or small they are. You are a wonderful person and I wish u all the luck in the world!”

i have to say it..thank you.

and congrats on the new baby <3.

Quoting * CAT *:“ i have to say it..thank you. and congrats on the new baby <3.”

aww no u dont. I feel for you I couldnt imagine having that much heartache. I only have my children and my hubby other then that I am basically alone. My babies r my world and to loose one is unthinkable. I seriously comend u on coming on here and telling your story because some people dont realize how lucky they really are. (no matter how much we all complained while preggo)
I read your other post too and not once did u really complain. You r a strong person. God WILL bless you one day with a healthy baby. And thank you she is the best baby and loves her boob lol!

Wow you are a really strong person Cat. Your strength and courage rub off on people. I am so glad that you could have the strength to tell your story. I know that you have been through a lot and something that we all learned here is that some things are out of our hands. Your story and your courage is inspiring. I hope that you will definitely stay on December babies and continue to keep in touch with everyone. You have been an inspiration to us all.
I know that you can never replace your little one, but I pray that your next bundle of joy will be a healthy strong little one.

the 2 of you both just brought tears to me eyes. You're both soo sweeet. and i can't even begin to thank you enough for what you both said.

it means alot and i really appreciate it.

& i'll definately be sticking around <3.

Quoting * CAT *:“ the 2 of you both just brought tears to me eyes. You're both soo sweeet. and i can't even begin to thank ... [snip!] ... enough for what you both said. it means alot and i really appreciate it. & i'll definately be sticking around <3.”

As u to mine no one has touched me as much as you have. Anytime you need to talk about anything I am here feel free to pm me. I look foward to hearing good news soon! No more sad stuff cause you know I am newly pp and these emotions can kill lol. But i can honestly say u have made a big impact on me anyway. U r truely special. I hope to hear from you soon!