"I don't love you, anymore"

I recently told my SO I don't love him anymore... But I want to work on it, and try. I've been so unhappy with him for a year, it has changed me as a person, imo. I never intended on hurting him, but that is obviously something you can't avoid with this kind of situation... I just wanted things to change. He treats me like his mother, and I understand I'm a SAHM (sort of, I take in a kid during the days), but I don't need to wake up before he does to make him sandwiches... Especially since I'm also the person that has to put our kids to sleep... and change diapers... and make meals... and laundry... and dishes... and cleans... All of which I honestly DO NOT MIND, except that when the house gets a bit dirty (Because I apparently can't have down days, sick days or sad days like he does?), he tells me that I do NOTHING. Anyways, I told him I do not love him anymore... And he agreed we can work on it, because I WANT to. I WANT to work on it. And we had a really good week, we've had more sex then we've had all year (tmi, I know.)... But not he's mad at me, again. I don't know what he expects, things can't change in a week, no matter how much I wish they could  


Sorry, this was more of a rant. I want to love him, but I can't love who he changed into... we need to help each other. I don't want to leave him. If I didn't love him a little bit, I'd have been gone   But I think I'm going to have to move  

Have you tried consiling?

Have you thought about couples therapy?

"I don't love you anymore" is a tough one to bounce back from.

What a shame.

Quoting Clk:" Have you tried consiling?"

I have, I set it up, and ended up going alone.

Idk what to say, other then... Im in the same boat. I love my SO but I am not IN LOVE with him- he knows this. Weve been having a really hard time for the past 15-16ms now. Last summer, i shouldve broke up with him... instead i just pushed him away and did my own thing (cheated on him) then tried to work on this again, didnt last.. 3 months later i felt the same way, i broke up with him (i didnt move out though) for 2 1/2months then we got right back together and immediately started to TTC & got engaged. Things seemed ok but then I miscarried and now........ its all gone again. I dont know what to do or say, because i dont WANT to hurt him again but me not saying anything or acting the same way is hurting him as well. Im in therapy now, have not done couples therapy yet though. Im trying to figure out what I want - and what will make me happy - then couples therapy then go from there.

Well loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things.. I love my husband,and he loves me.. but we are certainly not in-love with each other. Being "in-love" as the world defines it is really an emotional state that can pass just as being happy or sad.. Love really never goes away.. hence LOVE never fails.

It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility at home and he doesnt recognize how much work you do.... I work full-time, but find myself also living up to the old-school traditional roles of a woman. There is nothing wrong with this at all. I make my husbands plates at dinner... I don't make his lunch unless it's when I'm packing leftovers from the dinner at night, but he doesnt expect me to wake up early to do it if it didnt get done. You both just have to compromise.

This is the ups and downs of a relationship.. If you both WANT to get through it, you CAN. It's only after someone is ready to give up and has one foot out the door that makes it VERY difficult, but still not impossible. Everything is NOT supposed to be easy all the time.. because if there is not a battle there is NOT a victory...

Quoting forgive-n let*love:" Idk what to say, other then... Im in the same boat. I love my SO but I am not IN LOVE with him- he knows ... [snip!] ... yet though. Im trying to figure out what I want - and what will make me happy - then couples therapy then go from there."

For us, he was talking about how he has changed his views on marriage, and was going to ask me to marry him... I'm not sure how he was happy with the situation we were in. He made me so mad most days, I didn't even want to touch him. But I thought perhaps it's just me, and I wanted to save him the hurt and try to deal with it myself. Before I told him how I felt, I set up some couples therapy appointments. I went to the first one, all by myself... and then he told me we didn't NEED it, so we never went to another one. I don't want to leave him. I want to work it out, relationships are tough and have its ups and downs... I understand that. His aunt and uncle went through the EXACT same issue, though they didn't have kids keeping them together, and they've been married for 20 something years now. I regret telling him. But I don't know how much longer I could have hidden it, and who knows what could have happened by then....

Quoting sillygirltracyb:" Well loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things.. I love my husband,and he ... [snip!] ... impossible. Everything is NOT supposed to be easy all the time.. because if there is not a battle there is NOT a victory..."

  you're right. I guess I do love him still, or else I wouldn't be trying to fix everything  

Quoting Kayla [ ]♥:"   you're right. I guess I do love him still, or else I wouldn't be trying to fix everything  "

Yes, i agree and think you do still love him... it will be ok.. and if he gets impatient again thinking it should be fixed in a week that is not the case and even nicely remind him. Me and my husband have been thru A LOT and said FAR worse to each other.. It has taken me alot to get thru even random feelings of hate towards him, but there are times, that i feel the "in-love" coming back.. The hard part for me is allowing it to come back because the fear of rejection from when we put ourselves out there... but I know if I don't put myself out there and go the extra mile, then he will never really know that our marriage matters to me... This is me counselling myself..