re: Am I being stupid?

My boyfriend is kind of acting the same way minus the sleeping somewhere else part. He says it's because with our baby girl coming so soon he has other priorities and things to focus on...like getting everything ready and etc, which is understandable. Still kind of sucks though because he used to want it all the time!!

Quoting That Girl.:" Yes you are very right. I do need to address it head on. Maybe Ill cook a nice dinner and try to nicely ... [snip!] ... says it has nothing to do with me he just likes porn. But then why does he replace our intimacy with porn and his smurfing hand."

Porn watching alone isn't an issue for me. However, in this case, I would have a huge problem. It should never replace the intimacy a couple has together. I'm sorry this has become such an issue in your relationship  

Quoting That Girl.:" Yes you are very right. I do need to address it head on. Maybe Ill cook a nice dinner and try to nicely ... [snip!] ... says it has nothing to do with me he just likes porn. But then why does he replace our intimacy with porn and his smurfing hand."

Yea, since it has been an issue before, I would def want an explanation why porn is preferred over sex.

Best of luck, I hope you get the answers you need

Quoting wombie:" that's so frustrating! My husband is the same way. If something is bothering him, he will hold it in ... [snip!] ... out on me. He's working on it but damn that's irritating. I hope you guys are able to talk about it openly. Good luck to you."

That is dh all the way. Seriously I will do some two weeks prior that might have pissed him off be he wont say anything, then bam out of nowhere he's freaking out about it.

He has serious communication problems. Like yesterday he spent 250 dollars and instead of discussing with me before making that big of purchase he waited till after. What pissed me off the most, is its 250 out of my bank. Yes we have seperate accounts. We have alot to work on. I just dont know where to begin.

Quoting That Girl.:" Yes you are very right. I do need to address it head on. Maybe Ill cook a nice dinner and try to nicely ... [snip!] ... says it has nothing to do with me he just likes porn. But then why does he replace our intimacy with porn and his smurfing hand."

I think you need to tell him "porn or me" and that's that. Serious, when porn takes priority over your so, something is smurfing wrong.

Quoting That Girl.:" So me and dh haven't had sex in two weeks which is long for us. The reason is because I stopped being ... [snip!] ... no emotinonal feelings either. I feel like he's becoming sooo distant though he's saying he's not. What would you do?"

Talk to him about it. And let him know it turns me on when he initiates sex  
Maybe he'd start doing it more. It could be since you always initiate it he got used to that and now he feels that since you aren't you don't want it either?

Quoting wombie:" Porn watching alone isn't an issue for me. However, in this case, I would have a huge problem. It should ... [snip!] ... It should never replace the intimacy a couple has together. I'm sorry this has become such an issue in your relationship  "

Thanks! I know that if I told him I want sex he'd be like okay. But in a sense I just feel like he is only having sex because I want it not because he wants it. I want to feel wanted and lately I feel like Im not. He doesn't do sweet gestures, we don't snuggle/cuddle we aren't lovey. We aren't affectionate at all. And at first I was okay with it. But now Im worried that he isn't into me. And the whole porn thing just makes it feel 10 times worse.

Quoting That Girl.:" Your right. But I got tired of having to basically having to talk him into sex. He's also back to ... [snip!] ... back to watching porn all the time and pleasuring himself. So that's most likely why he isn't even trying to have sex with me."

All marriages are different and my husband and I don't have porn in our marriage for religious (and some non religious reasons) But I know alot of couples do and I'm not going to judge. However, if he is putting porn before you I think that's a huge issue. I defanitly think you need to talk to him

Quoting That Girl.:" Thanks! I know that if I told him I want sex he'd be like okay. But in a sense I just feel like he is ... [snip!] ... first I was okay with it. But now Im worried that he isn't into me. And the whole porn thing just makes it feel 10 times worse."

I would feel the same way  

If I were you, I'd just go to him at a time when neither one of you are upset about anything......a neutral time, and let him know how you feel. Be sure to take his feelings into consideration as well so he doesn't think it's a one sided attack. Just let him know how important your relationship as a couple is to you and that you feel things could definitely be better with open communication. Acknowledge that there are things that both of you could work on to make your relationship stronger. And definitely address the porn issue. Tell him that you feel it would be much more exciting if you two could watch it together and then be intimate with each other rather than him just watching it alone. I hope that he can understand where you're coming from if you present it to him in a non threatening way, ya know?

I hope he's receptive when you do try to address these issues with him <3

Quoting wombie:" I would feel the same way   If I were you, I'd just go to him at a time when neither one of you are ... [snip!] ... it to him in a non threatening way, ya know? I hope he's receptive when you do try to address these issues with him <3"

I actually have watched it with him and tried that. Didn't work. He literally stared at the screen the WHOLE time while screwing me. Almost like he was trying to imagine being in the damn tv then with me.

Quoting That Girl.:" I actually have watched it with him and tried that. Didn't work. He literally stared at the screen the ... [snip!] ... stared at the screen the WHOLE time while screwing me. Almost like he was trying to imagine being in the damn tv then with me."

oh man! ok scratch that suggestion.

it really sounds like he's got some kind of porn addiction going on, and if it's a true addiction, it won't go away on it's own   Do you think he'd be open to counseling? Looking at porn seems very innocent, but when it turns into an addiction it can be extremely destructive.....just like any addiction

Quoting wombie:" oh man! ok scratch that suggestion. it really sounds like he's got some kind of porn addiction going ... [snip!] ... at porn seems very innocent, but when it turns into an addiction it can be extremely destructive.....just like any addiction"

No. Counselling is a waste of time and money in his eyes. I'm seriously just at a witts end with him. He isn't putting any effort on our marriage. The one thing he actually helped me out with was putting ds down, he can't even do that he just lays with him on the couch passes out and I end up putting lo to bed. I am the only one who can wake up with ds everynight. He gets off of work at 12:30 p.m. and just smurfs around plays games, goes and hangs out with friends. When I try and talk to him about anything Im shut out or he says drop it Hailey Im not talking about this, or I dont give a smurf. I'm just drained physically, and emotionally and wish I just could go numb and feel nothing. It's all just buildng up and eventually Im going to explode.

Quoting That Girl.:" No. Counselling is a waste of time and money in his eyes. I'm seriously just at a witts end with him. ... [snip!] ... and emotionally and wish I just could go numb and feel nothing. It's all just buildng up and eventually Im going to explode."

...Theres a book called "The Love Dare" it helped my marriage alot. It gives you a dare daily for your marriage, if he doesn't wanna do it with you..you can do it without him knowing and it can really help your marriage. It def helped mine.. infact I think I should do it again sometime.

Quoting EnnaBennaBanana:" ...Theres a book called "The Love Dare" it helped my marriage alot. It gives you a dare daily for your ... [snip!] ... it without him knowing and it can really help your marriage. It def helped mine.. infact I think I should do it again sometime."

Oooh I might try this! I deff need some change. I always wonder if I had jumped into this too fast or too young etc.

Quoting That Girl.:" No. Counselling is a waste of time and money in his eyes. I'm seriously just at a witts end with him. ... [snip!] ... and emotionally and wish I just could go numb and feel nothing. It's all just buildng up and eventually Im going to explode."

that's not fair at all and I'm so sorry