re: Would it bother you if... (having photos of ex)

<blockquote><b>Quoting BryarWoods:</b>" My DHs fiance passed away while they were together. First I dont consider her an ex. He still has a few pics of her on FB, it doesent bother me one bit. She died, you cant be jealous of the dead. "</blockquote>




I wouldn't really say 'ex' either  

Quoting Chamorrita momma:" well it isn't about me. DH's cousin still posts photos of her and her old boyfriend who passed away. ... [snip!] ... says how much she misses him. I always just wondered if her now BF ever has/had a problem with that or felt awkward about it."

well, i guess if the bf is fine with it, then it doesn't matter. but if it was me and my bf was doing it, i would prob try to get him some counseling. it doesn't sound healthy to me. but... idk maybe i deal differently.

Quoting £egendary £ex:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BryarWoods:</b>" My DHs fiance passed away while they were together. ... [snip!] ... bother me one bit. She died, you cant be jealous of the dead. "</blockquote> I wouldn't really say 'ex' either  "

ya that's why i put "ex" because I didn't really know how to word it either.  

Quoting Chamorrita momma:" well it isn't about me. DH's cousin still posts photos of her and her old boyfriend who passed away. ... [snip!] ... says how much she misses him. I always just wondered if her now BF ever has/had a problem with that or felt awkward about it."

I know a few young people that have lost SO's in Iraq and Afghanistan. They all still love and miss their SOs no matter how long ago it was and who they are with. It's grief and completely normal. She probably thought she was going to be with her boyfriend forever, and when forever is taken away, it's hard to deal with.

No, it wouldn't. He lost a loved one and he is grieving.

Now, if he was posting a picture of them on FB on the anniversary of her death, her birthday, etc. no I would not care. But every day or consistently, I'd bring up grief counselling, I still wouldn't be upset.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chamorrita momma:</b>" ya that's why i put "ex" because I didn't really know how to word it either.  "</blockquote>




 

I have encountered this being that person in question.....lol.

My Husband died.....and I have many of his family & friends on my facebook, as well as the fact that we lived in a small town so many people I associate with may have known him. I sometimes find an old photo from our wedding, or a family vacation, or when were dating, or when our son was born, and want to post it, and then feel kind of awkward about posting it with my SO being on FB as well.

It is a tough spot to be in. Not only for the person dating a widow, but the widow as well.

So, what is a 'healthy' way to grieve then if that is unhealthy?

Idk, I have some friends that do this & I never once thought to myself that it was unhealthy.

Quoting Chamorrita momma:" well it isn't about me. DH's cousin still posts photos of her and her old boyfriend who passed away. ... [snip!] ... says how much she misses him. I always just wondered if her now BF ever has/had a problem with that or felt awkward about it."

For someone who has not lost a significant other im sure its extremely hard to understand. I would look it at from the perspective of, if you lose a mother/father/brother, you will think about them miss them. You will always love that person. Because they died, you continued to live and have moved on. That doesent mean you stop loving them, or that you love your current SO less because of it.

Quoting BryarWoods:" For someone who has not lost a significant other im sure its extremely hard to understand. I would look ... [snip!] ... to live and have moved on. That doesent mean you stop loving them, or that you love your current SO less because of it. "

Very true.


And I hope it didn't sound like I found anything wrong with it, I was just curious in all honesty. I see it both ways, but was just curious how others would feel.

Quoting £egendary £ex:" So, what is a 'healthy' way to grieve then if that is unhealthy? Idk, I have some friends that do this & I never once thought to myself that it was unhealthy."

i honestly don't know. i have never really lost anyone close to me, except for grandparents. and when my grandpa died, my mom wanted us to pose in pictures with him in his casket. it was strange to me.... i know the photos she is talking about are probably ones where the guy was alive, so, i guess it's different, but.... idk. i'm really not sure how to grieve.....

but i think it seems unhealthy to me if my SO was posting the pictures all the time because it would mean he was more connected to the dead than to the living, if that makes sense. i guess i'd have to be in the situation and see the volume of pictures, i guess. idk..... it just still seems weird in an unhealthy way, to me. because it seems like the girl is not getting over it, and i know it probably takes a long time to do that, but... if you're in a new relationship, you should make sure you're over the previous one, even if it ended in death... that's my take on it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" i honestly don't know. i have never really lost anyone close to me, except for grandparents. and when ... [snip!] ... in a new relationship, you should make sure you're over the previous one, even if it ended in death... that's my take on it. "</blockquote>




Yea if it was consistent that'd probably be weird...

Quoting £egendary £ex:" So, what is a 'healthy' way to grieve then if that is unhealthy? Idk, I have some friends that do this & I never once thought to myself that it was unhealthy."

Exactly. Its socially acceptable to acknowledge a lost relative. No one is expected to "get over it" or "move past it". Losing a significant other/spouse can even be harder to deal with. I would think it healthy actually, to let their feelings be shown rather then pretend they dont still love/think about/miss the one they lost for others emotional comfort.

i still post on my 'boyfriends' facebook who passed away 5 years ago.i still have pictures of him. i still have his hat and a stuffed animal who stays on my headboard. My husband knows all about him. He was in iraq and was blown up by an roadside bomb. I talked to him 3 days before and he told me he didn't want a girl waiting at home for him with things like that happening. 3 days later I got a phone call telling me he was gone.... Honestly, if DH would have had a problem with it, i would have told him it doesn't matter. Its the way I deal with things and he's gonna have to live with it....
Its funny how this post was brought up on here. They Did a service for him today and DH went with me.

Quoting Chamorrita momma:" Very true. And I hope it didn't sound like I found anything wrong with it, I was just curious in all honesty. I see it both ways, but was just curious how others would feel. "

It didnt. Im just giving my opinion on it.