re: My boyfriend is a recovering drug addict...I'm scared to los

I am in a similar situation. BF had drug problem before we meet but was clean in the beginning of our relationship. It wasnt until i was 5 months pregnant taht things got bad. He went into a detox center and for 8 months was clean and happy. than about 4 months after our son was born he began using again. and everything went downward from there. He overdosed on fathers day but thankfully they were able to bring him back. he again went to detox but just didnt get it. He quickly began using again, spending all his money on drugs. I hated being around him when I suspected him using so I wold not let him around. I threatened taking our son away from him if he continued. Once again he stated he wanted to get clean, he hated what he was doing. he ended up stealing $ from me and he was lost. Went to detox yet again and now he is living in a recovery house. Its hard for me to trust him again because of im scared of it happening again. It's now been a year and half since his first stay at a detox program. Our son needs his father in his life...but only if he is clean and sober. I do not believe the saying "once an addict always an addict". I dont see how that saying can give any addict hope of a better sober lifestyle. I wish I could have answers for you but Im searching for answers myself. Everyone tells me to go to NarAnon meetings for family members. I attended a family meeting with my boyfriend and just to sit there and listen to the struggle that the addicts went through as well as their family and friends put so many things into perspective and helped me understand somewhat the mind of an addict.

Quoting Dhickey5350:" I am in a similar situation. BF had drug problem before we meet but was clean in the beginning of our ... [snip!] ... well as their family and friends put so many things into perspective and helped me understand somewhat the mind of an addict."

the reason why people say once an addict always one is because once you get clean the battle isn't over. It is something you have to live with for the rest of your life. It can be 20 years down the road and you can relapse.

People are always so quick to pass judgement we all have our own battles to fight and this is hers. How she got in the situation is not important, whats important is where they are now.

I feel like be as supportive as possible if thats what he wants everybody is different some ppl prefer to handle things they self when they are going through something so ask him if he would like for you to attend meetings with him. Also focus on bettering yourself and doing for your kids. Its not going to be easy but in the event that he relapses you know what you need to do. That doesnt mean that you still can't be supportive of him that means you have to what is best for you and your children.

Goodluck, and I really hope that he finds it in him to stay clean.

Quoting sταrry skies:" You can't know that he wouldn't use drugs around the children. It's always a possibility."

OP I know you don't want to hear it, but this is true.
My situation was very similar to yours. I can't give any advice because I left him, I couldn't deal with it. It was too much back and forth. It takes years to build trust back up. I wish you the best of luck but please, please, think of your kids first... if you think he's using in the house, while they're in his care, while he's driving them around, just leave and don't look back. This is a life long thing, like the previous poster said, not something you get over through a six month program or something.

I know this is a really late comment but I am in a similar situation. I was married for 3 years and my DH had a atv accident August 2010 and became addict to pain medication, but I didn't find out he was addicted until May 2011 after our daughter was conceived.

. He was a paramedic before worked all the time treated me like an angel. He had his occasional drink, but nothing like what he ended up doing.

Anyway he was in and out of trouble went to jail March 26, 2012. He was in jail until June 12, 2012. Because us nor his family would get him out. On June 12, 2012 he went to a year long in house rehab on his own without anyone forcing him to. He is still there and is doing amazing

While he was in jail I left him and filed for divorce. We were separated until the end of August. I postponed the divorce to see how things are going to go. He will get out of that place "House of Bill" in June 2013. He doesn't want to come back home he wants to live there. It's 2 1/2 hours away from here. Which gives me hope...He has 8 months clean the 28 th of this month

Anyway if you want to be with him you need to go to some meetings for yourself. They are called Nar-anon. It will help you tremendously. I go to some and there are also online support groups. My favorite is dailystrenght.org.

I love my husband dearly and will fight for this until I know there is no hope left. You have to let the trust and worry go, because of the 3 c's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

I am here if you need someone to talk to. I am so sorry you are going through this!!!! HUGS to you

I know nobody can tell you what to do. I have been told time and time again this is a disease and I honestly believe because I have watched my husband struggle through all this. All I can do is be supportive and if he relapses again just see if he tries to help himself again and if he doesn't leave. If you don't mind would you pt me it's nice to have ppl to talk to that are going thru this.

FYI....my DH is an amazing father and husband when he is clean.