re: How would you handle this situation?

Quoting ~~My Pet Wussy~~:" He just seems like such a downer. You always seemed so happy but now, eh. He's bringing you down hon."

And it's exactly why i left him 2 years ago  
I just hate it, cos it's one thing to have issues with your partner,
but he's an irrational person as it is, so it's harder to deal with things,

I honestly don't know what our plan will be if he's really waiting on an apology from me...

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" I'm sure you have, but have you asked him why he feels that you need to apologize? "

He didn't have an answer.

Quoting KNZ.:" He didn't have an answer. "

Then obviously he knows you weren't in the wrong. Maybe things will blow over in a few more days. Can you go stay somewhere else for a bit? It might make him open his eyes.

Quoting Mother of Broccoli.:" Like someone else said, I'd go somewhere else for a while if it's possible. Just get out of the negativity for a couple days and try to relax without having him around waiting for an apology."

I want to. That's what we did the first night of all of this, and then i got mad cos he sent a ridiculous txt msg favoring one kid over the other and then denied saying it the next day (while i held the text up to him to see).

He's done dick-ish things before, but it's like, an accumulation of 10 things over like, 2 days that has us where we are now.
(Part of it being me finding a book of where he 'documented' things while we were separated/going through custody stuff-- and it's all these AWFUL lies about me. granted, it's in the past, but it makes me really dislike him as a person, cos during that whole ordeal, i was never once cruel or hostile.)

Quoting KNZ.:" Exactly. Ugh. I'm stuck on what to do, cos like, tonight we even all went to a movie/out to eat, and ... [snip!] ... I'm mad cos right now is stressful anyways, and want this "argument" to be over with, but...i don't see a solution in sight. "

I know what you mean. & honestly, there are times in relationships where sometimes it is just better to apologize & let it go than drag it on KWIM. but I don't think this is one of those times. & I don't like that he doesn't apologize and/or always seems to think you are the one at fault  

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" Then obviously he knows you weren't in the wrong. Maybe things will blow over in a few more days. Can you go stay somewhere else for a bit? It might make him open his eyes."

We might. he's so stubborn and irrational though.
This is the longest we've been in a 'fight' too. UGH  

Quoting KNZ.:" I want to. That's what we did the first night of all of this, and then i got mad cos he sent a ridiculous ... [snip!] ... in the past, but it makes me really dislike him as a person, cos during that whole ordeal, i was never once cruel or hostile.) "

do you mind saying exactly what the text said? I don't think you've said anywhere, have you? I mean, you don't have to, but just to see if *MAYBE* there is a possibility you were being sensitive about the text? just a thought.

Quoting £egendary £ex:" I know what you mean. & honestly, there are times in relationships where sometimes it is just better ... [snip!] ... is one of those times. & I don't like that he doesn't apologize and/or always seems to think you are the one at fault  "

Right? if it was something lesser than this, i'd be more willing to meet him in the middle here.
But like, with everything he's said and done, and obviously doesn't feel any remorse over it...just, no.
And if he doesn't say SOMETHING about his behavior..it just shows me how he does (or doesn't) value his relationship with carter & etc.

Quoting KNZ.:" I want to. That's what we did the first night of all of this, and then i got mad cos he sent a ridiculous ... [snip!] ... in the past, but it makes me really dislike him as a person, cos during that whole ordeal, i was never once cruel or hostile.) "

  That sounds like a really smurffy situation. Who keeps a book of that smurf?? True or not it's wrong.
If he doesn't have a reason to apologize it sounds like he's just trying to control what happens so things go his way.

<blockquote><b>Quoting KNZ.:</b>" I want to. That's what we did the first night of all of this, and then i got mad cos he sent a ridiculous ... [snip!] ... in the past, but it makes me really dislike him as a person, cos during that whole ordeal, i was never once cruel or hostile.) "</blockquote>




The favoring the kids thing would be a deal breaker for me.
My kids have different fathers and my ex started that subtly for awhile with my oldest,(he's my middle sons dad) and I let it slide. Eventually, it got worse and my oldest son was really hurt by it.

Quoting KNZ.:" Right? if it was something lesser than this, i'd be more willing to meet him in the middle here. But ... [snip!] ... say SOMETHING about his behavior..it just shows me how he does (or doesn't) value his relationship with carter & etc. "

 

Quoting KNZ.:" We might. he's so stubborn and irrational though. This is the longest we've been in a 'fight' too. UGH  "

Would he just sit there and brood about it while you were gone, rather than trying to move on from it? If you think that it would just be easier to suck it up and apologize, that might be the case. It sounds like a pretty smurfed up situation. Why keep fighting if you know you weren't in the wrong, but he refuses to see where he was, KWIM?

Quoting £egendary £ex:" do you mind saying exactly what the text said? I don't think you've said anywhere, have you? I mean, ... [snip!] ... you don't have to, but just to see if *MAYBE* there is a possibility you were being sensitive about the text? just a thought. "

It said i was punishing clara just cos i'm mad by staying away for the night. and he doesn't appreciate not being able to see clara just cos i'm mad. (even though if we were home he'd only be seeing her like 15 min more since he'd be with his game) I responded upset that he mentioned only clara, and he didn't respond. Then denied saying it the next day, saying he said her & carter.
This after just talking about the day before how important it is to treat carter equally, say hello to him when we get home, not just clara, say goodnight to him, etc etc.


And all of this after finding the book, him yelling at carter for no reason and not apologizing, and him saying in front of the kids that i'm the reason that clara was hurting herself.

Quoting Mother of Broccoli.:"   That sounds like a really smurffy situation. Who keeps a book of that smurf?? True or not it's wrong. ... [snip!] ... wrong. If he doesn't have a reason to apologize it sounds like he's just trying to control what happens so things go his way."

There was CRAZY things in that book too...like, we were told to see a counseler during our custody stuff, i saw one at 14 years old, and a family one when i was a kid,
and he noted it in the book trying to use it against me to get custody???

He used ear plugs when she was a baby to 'tune her out' but put that i was the one who did it.

Just talked all this weird crap that 1. wasn't true. 2. wouldn't even hold up in court if it was.

It was just, upsetting.
And the book is still here.

Quoting KNZ.:" It said i was punishing clara just cos i'm mad by staying away for the night. and he doesn't appreciate ... [snip!] ... for no reason and not apologizing, and him saying in front of the kids that i'm the reason that clara was hurting herself. "

he yelled at Carter for no reason? wow...

yea dude idk, I would have lost my smurf on him. That's not cool.