Teen parenting, 13 year age difference, DNA & Child Support

So I few months ago I posted this http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2115911.html
I would consider reading that first.

Well here I am today.. My daughter was born on September 8th and is the love of my life, I couldn't imagine life without her.
So my whole pregnancy I lied to my family about J (the 21 year old ex-boyfriend) being the father of my baby, knowing that my unborn baby's father was actually my friends dad (the 31 year old). My parents got to meet J and to be honest, they HATED him. I mean who wouldn't? He was mean, controlling, abusive and had a bad lifestyle, not to mention he was always threatening me. Anyways, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in the early days of September, my mom and sister were there with me throughout the whole labor and delivery process. I continued with the lie of the 21 year old, "J" being the father of my baby. My mom, sisters and dad believed me. The guy would come over and see the baby, after a few days I ended up telling him the truth, that he was NOT my baby girl's father. He requested a DNA test and I approved of it, he would still come over and my parents continued on believing that he was my little girl's dad. We did the at home paternity test and got the results about a week or so later. I already knew the results, it was negative 0%. He texted me, telling me how upset he was and how could I have done that to him. I was speechless because I knew that I hurt him, BAD. After that day we never spoke again (this was back in mid-late September). Of course my mom asked me what happened, I than lied again and told her that he said he did not want anything to do with the baby. She was actually happy because the night before he got the results he was over my house and bit my arm really hard leaving a bruise for days. The days/weeks went on and my precious baby started looking more and more like her REAL dad "E" (the 31 year old man). I was crumbled up inside having to live with the lie, I wanted to tell my mom so bad but I was terrified of her reaction and didn't want her to hate me for lying almost a whole year. The worst part is I felt like my whole life was a lie and was making my daughter live in a lie at such a young age. I would spend hours looking at her, asking myself how I could do this to her. Although I would eventually let her know the truth about who her father is, everyone else thought it was "J" and my fear was that it would confuse and hurt her. One day I just blew up inside! "E" had 3 other kids (16, 8 and 3), one that was living with him and the other two that he was paying child support for. I realized that it wasn't fair to my child, that she needed her father even if she would only see him once in a while. This was back in mid-October; I called one of my sisters and told her the truth about everything, she was upset, asking time and time again "Why did you lie to me?" I kept replying that I didn't want her judging me for the mistake of sleeping with my friend's father. After that we faced Hurricane Sandy here in NJ. My whole family all gathered up at our house, my sister and I spoke. She told me to tell my mom but I just couldn't. I wanted to sooo bad but when I tried it wouldn't come out my mouth.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I went on facebook and messaged "E's" daughter the 16 year old. I told her to please tell her dad to get in contact with me because the baby was his and if he wasn't sure we could do the paternity test. I never got a reply. This was early October. He changed his number, moved and deactivated his facebook so that is the reason why I messaged his daughter. I found out after a while that he had moved in with another woman, his daughter (the 16 year old I used to get along with) had moved in with him after her mom went to Puerto Rico and left her. I realized "wow, maybe I should just leave it alone he has his hands full with his new life and all".

Earlier this month after Sandy, when everyone finally left our home my mom walked in my room. I wasn't expecting what she was about to say....
She told me she knew "J" wasn't my daughter's dad and that she knew it was "E's" baby. She told me she has known for quite some time... I was SHOCKED! I immediately put my head down and told her the truth, to my surprise she was actually relieved and wasn't mad at all.

We had a long talk and we agreed that it would be best to just take him to court for a DNA test and child support. On Tuesday I went and put in the order. I didn't want to take this to court but he never tried reaching me at all so I felt like this was the only way.

Yesterday I got a phone call and it was his daughter telling me she was gonna fight me if something happens to her dad and talking a whole lot of smurf. All I said was "do what you want" and hung up. After that she sent me messages on facebook telling me to take her dad off court and that I was a whore for not knowing who my BD was and all this other crap. On her statuses she was talking crap as well and Oh, she even dared to say that I ruined my teenage years. I disagree though... Anyways, for some reason I still feel so bad for lying because now I feel like I won't be trusted by my family even though they forgave me for lying. I also feel so bad because her dad has 3 other kids to care for, I feel like complete smurf for making him go to court when his 8 & 3 year old's mom takes him to court all the time.. I feel like the only good thing I got out of this was that there is no more secrets and my daughter will know her father.

I just felt like I had to let it all out, Thanks for reading..

Wow you are in a tough situation but I think you're doing the best thing for your baby

I think you are doing the right thing.

& I would save all those messages of her harassing you

<blockquote><b>Quoting £egendary £ex:</b>" I think you are doing the right thing. & I would save all thosr messages of her harassing you"</blockquote>




I agree!

So did E have an idea that you were pregnant and gave birth to his child prior to you contacting his child?

I'm sorry   what a smurffy situation.

I would not feel bad! he should take care of your child and he knew what he was doing messing around with you... I read your previous post and it seems to me he started with you... Oh well you loose a friend and gain your daughters REAL father... Go through with it and dont let her intimidate you and change your mind. Good luck!!!

No matter what you need to do what is right for you and your baby! Even if that means taking him to court. If your worried about the 16 year old print off all the emails and facebook statuses and take them to the police department and see if they can do anything about it.

Don't feel guilty for taking him to court. You tried to work things out without it and he didn't comply. Also he made the decision to have sex with a teen so it's not your fault. It takes two and he shouldn't be immune. He has 3 kids, he knows how they're made. Good luck mama. Just do the best you can. It sounds like you have a great support system.

Quoting £egendary £ex:" I think you are doing the right thing. & I would save all those messages of her harassing you"

   

Quoting .Colleen.:" So did E have an idea that you were pregnant and gave birth to his child prior to you contacting his child?"

Yea, this was why I asked people to read the other post first. I let him know soon after I found out I was pregnant. She also knew there was a possibility of the baby being her dads

I think you are doing what is right. E knew what he was doing when he decided to sleep with you. Even if he doesn't end up in your childs life it will be better than lying. Your family will trust you again I am sure they know why you lied.

Quoting BG Secrets:" Yea, this was why I asked people to read the other post first. I let him know soon after I found out I was pregnant. She also knew there was a possibility of the baby being her dads"

wow

I did read parts of the other thread, but I honestly skimmed.

Best of luck to you, hindsight is always 20/20 just do your best for your lo going forward

I'm not afraid of the 16 year old because I know how she is. She always wants to start trouble and even started problems with her 2 other sisters mom. I thought it was her dad "E" that made her call me and message me but I don't really care about her at all.

The daughter is just an angry teenager...what teen wouldn't be but she isn't looking at it from both sides so try not to let her bother you. He is a grown man and should be responsible for his own actions. I don't think you are doing the wrong thing. Your child deserves the financial support from him and contact if he is willing.