If you are trying to OD you need to get some help. I know you say you can't afford it but you are needing help. It sounds like you need some hospitalization. It isn't as scary as it sounds and it will help you. I know you don't want to leave your kids but you need to. Please get help.
Have you tried applying for medicaid?
If you call 211 let them know you have no insurance or money but you need some mental health care they should be able to suggest some places for you. You could also check yourself into a state mental health facility and they will provide you with care and meds while you are in and usually find a way for you to get them once you're released. It is very important that you get the care and help you need for everyone's sake. I hope you can find the help you need to be happy again <3
<blockquote><b>Quoting Buffy♥:</b>" I wouldn't attempt to hurt myself again, not after last time. It scared me to death. But the feeling won't go away. The weight on me. I feel like I'm being held down, 24/7 and I can't stand up. "</blockquote>
It sounds like PPD. I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm glad you won't attempt again