Just a little vent :(

So last August we lost our first baby at 13 weeks. I was so scared and nervous when I found out I was pregnant, but when I finally came to terms with it, I loved that baby more than life itself....

Then August 5th of 2011 at 3:48 in the afternoon, I started bleeding...
I left an hour later to go to the hospital since the bleeding started off as dark blood which I heard was normal, it took awhile to REALLY start flowing...

The hospital treated me like smurf and pretty much just wrote me off because "it happens all of the time".

I lost my first child. I will never get to meet him.
I'm due with my second in 2 weeks and I'm still upset about the first baby. I didn't think I would be replacing him by any means when we started trying for a baby, but I thought if we tried again I could kind of have something to keep my focus on...but now I feel extremley guilty...

I feel like I'm being wrong towards BOTH babies... I feel bad for baby #1 because I feel like since I did get pregnant so fast, I'm writting him off and moving on, which is not true. I miss him so much. There have been days I've gotten so sick about it I didn't get out of bed. STILL, a year later...

And I feel bad for this baby because I don't want him to ever think he was just a replacement, and I feel bad for still wanting my first....

I KNOW I'm not trying to replace him.... but I just feel so freaking guilty!!!!!!! I want him back! I want both of my babies!    

I know the feeling all too well mama. I am so sorry. Hugs.   I will say, I think after your baby is born you should seek out someone to talk to who can help you through this. I wish I had.

A close friend of mine has been struggling with the same thing. She lost her 1st baby at 29 weeks & she got pregnant a month after that. I am truly sorry for the feelings your having   I know its hard but you can still celebrate the new life without feeling guilty over the one you lost. Its up to you to sort your feelings out about it though. Have you brought up all of your feelings to your husband? Communication is key & I hope everything works out for you

A close friend of mine has been struggling with the same thing. She lost her 1st baby at 29 weeks & she got pregnant a month after that. I am truly sorry for the feelings your having   I know its hard but you can still celebrate the new life without feeling guilty over the one you lost. Its up to you to sort your feelings out about it though. Have you brought up all of your feelings to your husband? Communication is key & I hope everything works out for you

So sorry to hear your going through this but it's normal to grieve your 1st baby and it's ok to still want him. I don't think the new baby will feel like he's a replacement he doesn't know about the baby before. It is not your fault God had a different plan for your 1st Lo but it's ok to grieve him and love him he's your angel baby.

So sorry to hear your going through this but it's normal to grieve your 1st baby and it's ok to still want him. I don't think the new baby will feel like he's a replacement he doesn't know about the baby before. It is not your fault God had a different plan for your 1st Lo but it's ok to grieve him and love him he's your angel baby.

Quoting Stinky Face's Mommy:" I know the feeling all too well mama. I am so sorry. Hugs.   I will say, I think after your baby is born you should seek out someone to talk to who can help you through this. I wish I had."

Thank you, and
I'm sorry for your loss as well! hugs!! I have been really considering it, I just feel like there is already so much on my plate, and it's stupid, but I feel bad doing something for myself!  

Quoting ☼ Mª mª:" Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss as well! hugs!! I have been really considering it, I just feel ... [snip!] ... it, I just feel like there is already so much on my plate, and it's stupid, but I feel bad doing something for myself!  "

You NEED to do that for yourself. If you do nothing else. Even after my daughter was here I had so much guilty I didn't enjoy her newborn stages as much as I should have. I know had PPD due to all that, but I suffered instead of getting help. Don't do that. It really does steal the joy if you don't get help dealing with the emotions. Trust me. Been there many times. It sucks. I tortured myself because I blamed my body for the miscarriages.   Please don't do that. You and your little one deserve better.   Don't think of it as doing something for yourself if that bothers you, do it for your baby.   Hugs mama.

Quoting  Amanda(::" A close friend of mine has been struggling with the same thing. She lost her 1st baby at 29 weeks & she ... [snip!] ... it though. Have you brought up all of your feelings to your husband? Communication is key & I hope everything works out for you"

Bless her heart!!
I've talked to him about it but I always get more upset because every time he just says " he knows we loved him (i'm assuming it was a HE) and he's watching over this baby, he's our guardian!" And that's sweet but, that doesn't change the fact that he's gone   SO misses him but he never brings him up or anything... Which I don't expect him to dwell on it, but I don't see how it was so easy for him to get over our loss and I'm still stuck here wondering what I could have done to be with the little angel just a little longer  

Quoting ☼ Mª mª:" Bless her heart!! I've talked to him about it but I always get more upset because every time he just ... [snip!] ... get over our loss and I'm still stuck here wondering what I could have done to be with the little angel just a little longer  "

Don't assume he is over it. My husband NEVER talked about ANY of our losses. One day it really got to me so I said something. He broke down and said he would secretly cry, mostly on the drive to work or when he took a shower. He said it killed him because it hurt so bad, but he knew I as struggling so he just wanted to be strong for me. So don't assume he is over it. He may be struggling too. Everyone handles losses differently. I know a girl that went on drinking binges. I personally cut to deal with the first 5 losses. After the 6th I just shut down.

I lost my first baby at 13 wks as well and it was such a horrible time i took a few wks to move one but as soon as move on i was pregnant again 8 wks later this pregnancy was successful. I read something somewhere that made me feel a little better" It read that the baby i lost was not prepared to enter this world at this such time ,being the wrong time or the wrong place that the next time that i got pregnant and carry to term that thus baby was the soul of the baby i had previously lost and it was time for him or her to enter this world and meet us.I hope that made sense.
Im sorry for the loss you experienced and i do hope things get better for you.

I miscarried at 3 months with my first and was devastated I couldn't even get out of bed I just laid there and either cried or felt numb then one day I told myself I got pregnant once I am more fertile this time so I can get pregnant again it was the only thing that allowed me to get out of bed and be normal again. I wouldn't feel guilty you are not replacing your first baby by any means for that baby will forever be part of you just as this new baby will.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☼ Mª mª:</b>" Bless her heart!! I've talked to him about it but I always get more upset because every time he just ... [snip!] ... get over our loss and I'm still stuck here wondering what I could have done to be with the little angel just a little longer  "</blockquote>

Awh   I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. Men try their best to be strong especially if they think you are severely bothered by it. Guys try at the wrong times to be strong sometimes. He probably is very bothered by it but just doesn't want to show it.

Quoting ☼ Mª mª:" So last August we lost our first baby at 13 weeks. I was so scared and nervous when I found out I was ... [snip!] ... trying to replace him.... but I just feel so freaking guilty!!!!!!! I want him back! I want both of my babies!    "

I'm sorry.
I lost my baby at 10 weeks and it took two years to stop grieving and to find peace within it all.
Think of it this way, baby #1 will always be your first child, you will always hold him in your heart... The same way as baby #2... When you lose something such as your child, it is absolutely natural to want still be a mom and to be able to hold your baby in your arms. Don't feel bad sweety. I think once you have you baby in your arms your perspective will change a lot. Everything happens for a reason, and without baby #1 you wouldn't have baby #2 who is about to be the most amazing thing to you. Now your baby is going to have a very great guardian angel to keep it safe for the rest of it's life  
You can't really beat that now can you? <3
If you want to talk I'm here!