re: Sex fails

SO rammed his dick into my ass and I bled for a few days. He laughed and I couldn't breathe lol it knocked the wind out of me.

Quoting Will☮Creedence:" Ohhh ok haha. That's still super embarrassing."

Oh god yes. I can't believe I didn't think of that one first. I think I mentally blocked it out until I read about the sister walking in. lmao

Quoting T-Swizzle+2:" Oh god yes. I can't believe I didn't think of that one first. I think I mentally blocked it out until I read about the sister walking in. lmao"

LMAO, Sorry for bringing back all the bad Memories... lol... but I have to say Im glad to know Im not the only one to have someone burst in. lol... SIL has never brought it up ever.. hahaha...

oh i have a billion stories lol but one is my fiance and i had the house to ourselves for a night (we had roommates at the time) so we decided to have a few drinks and have some fun in the kitchen. since we were both a little tipsy we thought we would experiment a little and grabbed one of my scarves and tied my hands to the lamp that was attached to the wall, (totally hot!) well we were getting into it (maybe a little too into it haha) and the lamp broke straight off the wall and right on my head! i could not stop laughing! yeah it was interesting trying to explain the broken lamp to our roommates when they got back too hahaha!

So far this has happened 2 times but only cause we was super horny and forgot to lock my door anyways both times we was doing it doggy style (vaginaly) and we were really into it my mom tapped on the door and we thought maybe she was passing and heard us and was letting us know cause everyone in the house did that to let us know we were loud well that wasn't the case next thing we know she opened the door and peeked in and screamed my boyfriends name and dropped our laundry outside my door and closed it we laughed so hard cause all she saw was his ass and me bent over in the bed it was priceless to see her face lol!

<blockquote><b>Quoting T-Swizzle+2:</b>" I farted once.. I was a teenager. He was like "I felt that one on my balls... DAMN GIRL!" It was mortifying. "</blockquote>



Favorite one read so far.

Drunken one!
Me and my husband had been together for 2 years at that point and some friends was celebrateing my birthday,we got plastered [the night started in me ending up in my underwear topless with nothing but dudes around I was so drunk] Well we ended up watching the movie TEETH and I got seriously paranoid that if I had sex with my husband [boyfriend at the time] My vag jay jay was going to bite his dick off. [for the record I WAS DRUNK] So I said I wanted too and he had to test it first SO HE GRABBED THE CLOSEST THING a plastic Pikachu, and shoved it in there, X.x. My quote afterwards was ' HEY IM A POKEMON TRAINER' after he got it out we had sex [good thing I was drunk because I hurt and bled soo bad the next day] anyway I didn't remember the events instead my best friend [ a guy at the time] told me he had witnessed the whole thing, the bad part was... I cosplay as pikachu SO I NEVER lived down this story [and its from over a year ago] not too mention that the person who the toy belonged too, ended up with it in his mouth the next weekend and made the mention he often chewed on it X.x!! my husband LOST IT and never told him of what he had done with that toy

Quoting NickiePoling:" Drunken one! Me and my husband had been together for 2 years at that point and some friends was celebrateing ... [snip!] ... and made the mention he often chewed on it X.x!! my husband LOST IT and never told him of what he had done with that toy"

 

Quoting Soon 2B Mom of 2:"  "

My face EXACTLY...  

Quoting Safka9973:" I once received the most severe rug burns I have ever had in my life. It was so excruciating I had to ... [snip!] ... I had to bandage it and use Tylenol pm to get to sleep for the next three nights. Never had anything funny happen, though."

At the end of one of my husband's four days during AIT, we had stayed up all night talking to his parents (we had to leave at 3am to make it to the airport in time), so we had no time for sex. I had happened to be driving his brother's car, because he needed our truck for moving. So on our way down, we realized we we're 30 minutes ahead of schedule.   We pulled over on the side of the road and got right to it.

I had severe burns on my right knee afterwards, enough to scar. It was definitely the best sex ever though. LOL.

I've had a few..

One time me and this guy started hooking up and he told me that I should go down on him so right before I get close to his penis he came. I was like "umm?" and he goes "well that's embarrassing.."

One time I was having sex with my boyfriend on the living room floor and I was on top, and he farted like super loud and he tried to keep going but I couldn't stop laughing XD

And lastly, We were going at it and all of a sudden I felt like I was gonna get sick, so I tried controlling it but ended up having to push him off. I barely made it to the bathroom. This is when I was still in my morning sickness phase. When I came back, we just laughed about it but he said that when I was trying to control it, he thought I stopped enjoying it because I stopped moaning and stuff...that kind of made me feel bad lol

Quoting Erica ☆★:" I've had a few.. One time me and this guy started hooking up and he told me that I should go down on ... [snip!] ... trying to control it, he thought I stopped enjoying it because I stopped moaning and stuff...that kind of made me feel bad lol "

I totally almost puked on my ex LOL. I was very very drunk, and he was giving me head, and I sat up and puked everywhere. If he wouldnt have moved fast, I wouldve puked all over him. He had to try to help me put my pants back on, carry me to that bathroom, and then go back and clean it up... I felt so bad at the time, but now looking back I wish I wouldve puked on him, and then laughed LOL. He turned out to be a cheating douche.

I was just reading through these and I thought of one. It's not necessarily a "sex" story...but still gross. I dated my highschool bf for 3 years. He is kind of a hippy and so is his mom....we went on vacay before and she told us the tub was big enough that we could take a nice shower together if we wanted....so yea she's pretty ok with things. He used to wear bandanas occassionally so he had a pile of them in his room, so after we had sex he would pull th condom off and wipe himself with a hankercheif. Once his mom collected all of his laundry and while she was at the laundromat she grabbed a hankercheif out of the basket really fast and a used condom flew out into the middle of the room!!! So she grabbed it really quick (with her bare hand) and put it in her pocket! We weren't there so it wasnt terrible...but I was sooooo moritfied when my bf told me about it.

I must say the worst for me was the first attempt at anal... My DH and I went out drinking one night and I was feeling a little more so frisky than normal. We had a "sex box" that contained lubes and such. Well DH was so surprised that I asked to try anal he grabbed the first lube he could get his hands on (again we had been drinking). It turned out to be warming massage oil, needless to say it ended with my booty hole and his dick on fire running into the bathroom for a cold bath/shower hoping the roommates did not see/hear anything. The one and only time anal has and will be tried by me... 

Quoting DinoKitty:" I must say the worst for me was the first attempt at anal... My DH and I went out drinking one night ... [snip!] ... bath/shower hoping the roommates did not see/hear anything. The one and only time anal has and will be tried by me... "

bahahaha just try it with YOU finding the lube ;)