re: Sex fails

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" The guys I was with thought it was squirting. So hooray for porn and unrealistic imaginations of men :-P"

Lol great topic by the way   some of this has seriously has made my night.

got in the butt on accadent!! omg i just started criying cuz it hurt so bad! i was bleeding and couldnt even walk! and the other night while he was on top of me he accadently drooled in my mouth i just started laughing!

Quoting Soon 2B Mom of 2:" Lol great topic by the way   some of this has seriously has made my night."

You're welcome  

wrong thread...

I got a good one, but it wasnt an ouch, or a funny. We had just got done with some really rough sex, and the bed hit the wall alot. Well I was a smoker at the time, so we go outside and I am smoking my cig when suddenly we hear the smoke alarm going off in the house. We go running in to see whats going on, and apparently the light fell off of the wall and right on our mattress. Our entire room was filled with smoke and our bed was on fire. We burned a hole in the bed LOL! Oooops   It wasnt funny at the time, but we find it pretty hilarious now  

bahahahaha that's funny. The old bed hitting the wall brings up memories of college.

Oh one time, right afterwards, I was getting up to run & pee & I had to step over him. Well he moved over & I stepped right on his balls. He laid there in a ball for like 20 minutes.

I farted once.. I was a teenager. He was like "I felt that one on my balls... DAMN GIRL!"
It was mortifying.

bahahahaha

When my DH and I was still dating, we were doing the nasty and he was on top. I was about 5 months pregnant and out of no where, the baby kicked my bladder hard and I peed on him. He thought I just got really wet, so he didn't stop. Then about 10 minutes later she kicked again and I peed again on him. I was horrified that he was going to freak out, but he never said anything. I asked him about it months later and he said he never knew I peed on him, but it grossed him out so much he went in to take a shower because he 'felt dirty' haha.

Another time we were in our apartment, and we left the door unlocked because he smokes and its easier to leave it unlocked than to keep unlocking it. So we were again, doing the nasty, and our neighbor friends are the kind of people that have boundary problems. And they opened our doors and called to see if we were home. And my husband screamed "GET OUT!!!" My friend responded with "Are you serious or are you kidding?" I'm laughing by this point, the look on my husband's face was priceless. xD Took us 5 minutes to convince my friends to leave and shut the door. I proceeded to giggle periodically til we were finished lol. It still makes me laugh haha.

I once received the most severe rug burns I have ever had in my life. It was so excruciating I had to bandage it and use Tylenol pm to get to sleep for the next three nights.

Never had anything funny happen, though.

Quoting Safka9973:" I once received the most severe rug burns I have ever had in my life. It was so excruciating I had to ... [snip!] ... I had to bandage it and use Tylenol pm to get to sleep for the next three nights. Never had anything funny happen, though."

Lol my ex still has rug burn scars on the tops of his feet from doing it doggy on the carpet.

We recently had sex (we've been split up for 2 years) he hadn't had sex in about 6 months and for me it was like.. pretty much the whole two years. So anyways we start fooling around and about 30 seconds into it he just starts laughing, and stops. Im like "oh no did you really? I knew it was gonna be fast but damn!"

Needless to say I made him go again about 30 minutes later! Big fail on his part

Changing into the doggy position and I back heeled the guy in the ball sack.

He was almost crying! Lol, too awkward after that, and I think he was kinda annoyed.

Ok wait I have the absolutely worst embarassing fail...

One night my ex and I started screwing around, and he finished in me ... I had forgotten to grab a towel to clean off with afterwards so I just grabbed a shirt of mine.

A couple days later, my mom asks to borrow a shirt (yeah you know where I'm going with this) she goes into my room and comes out but I wasn't paying attention to which shirt she had grabbed, and she threw a zip up hoodie on over it.

We're at the grocery store and she takes off her hoodie and walks in front of me .. and then I see it.. all over the back of the shirt. I was SO EMBARASSED I quickly said Oh hey mom theres something on that shirt hold on, and grabbed some baby wipes from my diaper bag and wiped it off. She still doesn't know to this day..

Quoting Alyssa's mommy [EBFT]:" Ok wait I have the absolutely worst embarassing fail... One night my ex and I started screwing around, ... [snip!] ... on that shirt hold on, and grabbed some baby wipes from my diaper bag and wiped it off. She still doesn't know to this day.."

bahahahahahahahaha