I'm just going to say it..

Sometimes I wish I would have given my LO up for adoption. I know how smurffy that sounds and I'm so ashamed to have those thoughts. I just feel like she deserves so much better. She's such a perfect doll. I don't regret having her and I love her more than anything else in the world. She's the reason I'm alive today. I just wish, when I was thinking about adoption while pregnant, I would have followed threw. I wish I would have left her father while I had the chance. This life that her father and I brought her into is just a ball of mess. I know it will get better in time, and in time I know I will feel these feelings no more. But right now, I'm feeling super guilty.
I feel like a smurf ass parent.

Don't feel that way please. It will be okay.

I have those days sometimes. I feel like thy got a shifty life because I was to selfish to give them a better one

I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. You must feel helpless, and I know that feeling, but just keep heading in a positive direction amd things will get better in time. Beat or luck.

The fact that you want what's best for your daughter is proof that you are a good mom. That's what we do...we want the best for our children. Sometimes we make choices and they might not be the right ones...but we're not perfect. Just let her be your strength and inspiration...you'll do great. Do your best, she'll be proud of you.

Reading this, I could've written it myself. I was very young when I had my daughter, and I considered it, but I knew I was too selfish to give her up and I was not strong enough to handle losing her emotionally so I kept her. And there were many many times in the last 12 years that I regretted not finding her a rich stable healthy and happy family to raise her. So you are NOT alone in thinking it. But all the same stuff you said...I probably wouldn't be alive if I hadn't had her, everything I do I do for her and her alone. And there were some hard times, but she doesn't even remember them honestly   Thankfully LOL And now things are good and she is as happy as a teenager gets (not very but damnit I know she's happy!!) So just know that it WILL get better, and as long as you show her how much it is you love her, that is all she will remember  
And it's never too late to leave a smurffy relationship, so don't consider yourself stuck with him. Single moms are just as good as a whole family, especially if the relationship is rocky or nonexistent.

You don't even have custody of her, do you?

Quoting S&T+1:" You don't even have custody of her, do you?"

No, I don't.

I know, as long as I try, things will even out. But it seems like soooo far away. I almost can't see it. I haven't seen her but maybe 4 times in a year and a half. The nights alone in my room when I'm thinking of the times I would BF her to sleep, I just can't help but wish I had gave her to a family that was able to give her a better life. Because I know, with her father, he's not doing smurf for her other than the basics. Like taking care of a plant. I dunno. But when I talk to her, and she calls me momma, it helps me get through.
I'm such a sad sack of smurf right now, sorry for the rant.

Quoting Brandie:]:" I know, as long as I try, things will even out. But it seems like soooo far away. I almost can't see ... [snip!] ... when I talk to her, and she calls me momma, it helps me get through. I'm such a sad sack of smurf right now, sorry for the rant."

Your time with her will NEVER run out, just remember that. Even if it takes a few years for you to get custody of her and make a wonderful life for her, it'll be worth it. You have what, 16 years? to get custody of her. Focus on that. Focus on the life that you will eventually give her instead of being sad about where the situation is at right now mama.

Quoting S&T+1:" Your time with her will NEVER run out, just remember that. Even if it takes a few years for you to get ... [snip!] ... that. Focus on the life that you will eventually give her instead of being sad about where the situation is at right now mama. "

I know, you're night. It's just these times especially are the moments I would have cherished. And the memories I do have are memories that should make mothers smile. Or cry happy tears. But it just makes me feel awful. And with all that being said, I feel so selfish because atleast my daughter's alive. Atleast I have a chance to see her again.

Who has custody of her? Does she live with you?

Does her father have custody of her? I'm sort of confused

Quoting Unique Mama:" Who has custody of her? Does she live with you?"

Her father and she lives with him.

Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" Does her father have custody of her? I'm sort of confused"

Yes.