re: Dear Single Dads on Online Dating Sites

Quoting she nan igans:" Sure, obviously. But it sounds like she's annoyed that they point that out as as similarity in a message, ... [snip!] ... I mean, what would you prefer OP? They say "hey, your picture makes it look like you have nice tits. Want to go on a date?""

This is the message that I got from the guy I'm talking to right now.

Hey, I'm Jake/Jacob. But my group of friends call me "Swarley". (From a how I met your mother episode) >.
Nice to meet you!
I like your definition of nerdy. My definition is a love or passion to be yourself, and do things that other people mock that you enjoy without a care about what they think or say. By my definition, I'm a huge nerd. I read comic books, play music, build/repair computers, play magic, play WoW and Diablo   I'm not ashamed of any of it either. I believe everyone needs hobbies to pass time and to keep them sane. (Out of trouble too). I'm working two jobs right now, so when I have time off I'm usually with my son, but you seem really nice. What kind of games are you into? Hope your day is going well!



I really appreciated the time he took to make a thoughtful message, and he let me know he had a kid in a not so in-your-face way. He's really nice and we've been messaging back and forth for a few days now. I don't know why something like this is too much to ask for over one sentence saying "Hey we both have kids let's talk."

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" This is the message that I got from the guy I'm talking to right now. Hey, I'm Jake/Jacob. But my group ... [snip!] ... now. I don't know why something like this is too much to ask for over one sentence saying "Hey we both have kids let's talk.""

Guys are lazy? *shrugs.* They're not women. You can't expect every guy to be ready to sit down and write a novel in the first message they ever send you. And a lot don't want to take the time to write all of that out just to have you snub them like you already seem to be doing. So they send out a feeler message before they go into any more detail.

But that dude sounds nice.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" DING DING DING That right there is what would irk me. I am in no way saying my son and I are not a ... [snip!] ... who can't be bothered to find out if we're even compatible before saying very forward things like "my kid would love you!". "

 

Also, what would you guys say to "Hey I have a kid, we have a lot in common!" if you went to their profile and honestly, that was the only thing you had to talk about?

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Guys are lazy? *shrugs.* They're not women. You can't expect every guy to be ready to sit down and write ... [snip!] ... already seem to be doing. So they send out a feeler message before they go into any more detail. But that dude sounds nice."

Once again, I never said I wasn't messaging these guys back. I've actually tried to talk to most of them. The fact that I have absolutely nothing in common with them besides having kids comes from the fact that I have talked to most of them, and I read a profile before I message back.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:"   Also, what would you guys say to "Hey I have a kid, we have a lot in common!" if you went to their profile and honestly, that was the only thing you had to talk about?"

I would ask them deeper questions about stuff on their profile and possibly stuff that wasn't listed on their profiles that was listed on mine. Like "Hey so I don't see anything about video games or music on your profile. Are you into video games? What kind of music do you listen to? What do you spend your free time doing? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?" Stuff to find out if you really only have kids in common or if they liked what they read on your profile and agreed with a lot of it.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" I would ask them deeper questions about stuff on their profile and possibly stuff that wasn't listed ... [snip!] ... to find out if you really only have kids in common or if they liked what they read on your profile and agreed with a lot of it."

I've tried that, and a lot of them stick with it. Like, I'm fine with dating a guy with a kid, but most of them on here just act desperate and it's sad. I don't want them to go out with me because they think I'm all they can get. I deserve a guy regardless of if they have a child the same way they deserve a woman regardless of if they have a child.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" You have no idea whether I've messaged them or not. You're the one who's making assumptions, now. Did ... [snip!] ... that led to nothing but "You sound like a great mom, my son would love you." etc and red flags like that? I'm guessing not. "

Of course not. Not my fault that you were vague in your OP and didn't think to explain yourself until PAGES into the thread. Aka "I'm making that part up."  

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" This might help...some messages I've gotten from guys on POF: hey how old is ur baby? i hav a 2 yr old ... [snip!] ... this just isn't okay with me. I can't help it if it creeps me out, but it does, and I think I'm allowed to be selective. =/"

That horrid, immature spelling is enough to be selective.

Quoting Jas ♥:" Of course not. Not my fault that you were vague in your OP and didn't think to explain yourself until PAGES into the thread. Aka "I'm making that part up."  "

This was just a rant. I didn't expect people to get so into it that they needed explanations from me. I can't really change your mind if you think I'm making it up, so oh well. Lol.

Quoting Jas ♥:" That horrid, immature spelling is enough to be selective."

 

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" This was just a rant. I didn't expect people to get so into it that they needed explanations from me. I can't really change your mind if you think I'm making it up, so oh well. Lol. "

Come on, its BG. You know how we get when we're bored. We pick smurf apart  

Quoting Jas ♥:" That horrid, immature spelling is enough to be selective."

So I'm allowed to not talk to a guy because of the way he types but not because of the things he actually says?

I'm REALLY not getting the logic on that one.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" So I'm allowed to not talk to a guy because of the way he types but not because of the things he actually says? I'm REALLY not getting the logic on that one. "

What in the hell are you talking about lady? I never said that you couldn't talk to anyone for any reason. Its not my life, I don't care who you speak with. I'm flattered that you really thought I was that invested. D'aww.

Quoting Jas ♥:" Come on, its BG. You know how we get when we're bored. We pick smurf apart  "

That's the same reason I keep replying to it. Lol. DD just started napping again after not doing it for a few weeks, so I got used to doing smurf with her awake. Now the house is clean and she's asleep, so this is really all I have going on. Lmao.

None of this can really change how I feel about guys messaging me in certain ways, though. I can't help it if it creeps me out. I'm not just concerned for my own kid, but for someone else's kid, too. You're supposed to put your best foot forward when you're dating. Your kid should be like, a reward for someone who gets close to you emotionally, not a bargaining tool.

I would highly suggest you dont even mention that you have kids. If they aren't with me, I wouldnt even bring it up till later. A guy should like you for you. I didn't date for a while, IMO I think guys hit on single moms cause the think that they are easy and desperate and have awful self esteem.