re: Dear Single Dads on Online Dating Sites

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" You have no idea whether I've messaged them or not. You're the one who's making assumptions, now. Did ... [snip!] ... that led to nothing but "You sound like a great mom, my son would love you." etc and red flags like that? I'm guessing not. "

I wasn't aware that being told you were a great parent was a red flag.  

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" I wasn't aware that being told you were a great parent was a red flag.  "

 

And to the people that keep saying things like "I thought it was a packaged deal."....

That's exactly why I'm being more critical. Just because he's a dad doesn't make him a good dad. Just because someone says they're a single father doesn't mean they even have anything to do with their kids. I heard through the grapevine that BD is telling girls he's a single dad and he hasn't seen DD since February, despite me even offering to drive her an hour to his house.

Any guy I want to date, I'll want to get to know to see if they're worth being around my daughter. If they're not, they're gone. Simple as that. I'm not bringing someone around my daughter until I know for sure that they're safe and a good influence, and that involves ME spending time with THEM without my child. So yes, we are a packaged deal, but just because I go on a date with a guy doesn't mean I'm expecting to marry him.

I don't think it's a consolation prize. I think it's that they feel you're at a similar place in your life as they are. You're a single parent, which means you understand the priorities they have. I mean, it's not like they're asking you to marry them, just trying to get to know you.

At the end of the day all the profile information means very little. You really have no idea if you'll get along until you start talking, so whether you start talking because you're both parents, or you both like the same bands, what does it matter? You'll figure out pretty quick if you mesh or not.

I guess I don't see the problem. Again, it's not like they want to marry you just because you have a kid.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" I wasn't aware that being told you were a great parent was a red flag.  "

That's not the half that frightened me. Some guy saying his son would love me after only reading a profile online scares me for that little boy. He has no idea what kind of person I really am, and he's throwing stuff like that out there? You're only focusing on one part of that message.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" I wasn't aware that being told you were a great parent was a red flag.  "

I think she means that's all they would talk about is her being a mom and stuff. Being complimented on being a parent is great, but if all your date talks about is that you're both parents it would get annoying.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" I think she means that's all they would talk about is her being a mom and stuff. Being complimented ... [snip!] ... complimented on being a parent is great, but if all your date talks about is that you're both parents it would get annoying."

It wasn't even a date. That was the first message he sent me.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" I think she means that's all they would talk about is her being a mom and stuff. Being complimented ... [snip!] ... complimented on being a parent is great, but if all your date talks about is that you're both parents it would get annoying."

Sure, obviously. But it sounds like she's annoyed that they point that out as as similarity in a message, not during a date. She's mad that they suggest that both being parents means they have things in common.

I don't know, it just seems so silly. "How dare you want to get to know me because we're both parents! That's so creepy and rude!"

I mean, what would you prefer OP? They say "hey, your picture makes it look like you have nice tits. Want to go on a date?"

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" That's not the half that frightened me. Some guy saying his son would love me after only reading a profile ... [snip!] ... kind of person I really am, and he's throwing stuff like that out there? You're only focusing on one part of that message. "

And you're only focused on the other part. People throw out phrases like that all the time to break the ice. He didn't mean literally that his son would fall in love with you based on only what he read in your profile. I've said that my kid would love some of the moms on here because they have certain toys/room decors that my son would be totally into. It doesn't mean that I think he should be adopted by them and go live with them. It's just an expression. I don't know why you're so put off by the fact that somebody used you being a parent as an ice breaker.


I realize that you want people to know it's a package deal, but honestly I think it would be okay if you took her off of your profile and brought her up on a subsequent date when you're looking to get more serious.

I don't think they're settling, though. I think they're just putting feelers out there and saying, "Hey, I have a kid too so I know what you're going through."

Quoting she nan igans:" Sure, obviously. But it sounds like she's annoyed that they point that out as as similarity in a message, ... [snip!] ... I mean, what would you prefer OP? They say "hey, your picture makes it look like you have nice tits. Want to go on a date?""

 

This might help...some messages I've gotten from guys on POF:

hey how old is ur baby? i hav a 2 yr old do u have any pics of yu 2 together? text me mike (and then his phone number)

I bet your daughter is as lovely as yuo are. I know I'm probably older than you are into but I have a house I have my own car I have my kids every other weekend, you wouldn't have to worry about anything. You could even bring her if you wanted to come up to the city for a good time. Hope to hear from you soon.

hey !   i'm greg. i have a baby 2 months old recently single....is your baby daddy still around?


Stuff like this just isn't okay with me. I can't help it if it creeps me out, but it does, and I think I'm allowed to be selective. =/

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" It wasn't even a date. That was the first message he sent me. "

It would turn me off too, to be honest.... but, you also have to remember that men are stupid and most the times insecure, he is probably looking for a way to compliment you and break the ice.

Like I said, I understand both sides of it, I have guy friends and most are pretty stupid when it comes to picking girls up, and I have met some dumbass single dads!

And my ex also used Novali to pick women up.  

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" This might help...some messages I've gotten from guys on POF: hey how old is ur baby? i hav a 2 yr old ... [snip!] ... this just isn't okay with me. I can't help it if it creeps me out, but it does, and I think I'm allowed to be selective. =/"

Well there you have it. If you're going to do on line dating at least go for a more reputable site vs one that's known for being a hook up site, lol.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" I think she means that's all they would talk about is her being a mom and stuff. Being complimented ... [snip!] ... complimented on being a parent is great, but if all your date talks about is that you're both parents it would get annoying."

DING DING DING

That right there is what would irk me. I am in no way saying my son and I are not a package deal but I AM a person outside of my life as a mother and if you want to get to know ME, then you should say so other than just pointing out that we are both parents. Thats great, now why else should we get to know each other? And if we're on a DATE or the only thing you can manage to find to talk about is parenting, then maybe we can be friends, but I don't want to date someone who can't be bothered to find out if we're even compatible before saying very forward things like "my kid would love you!".

Blah, this is why I used to pick up guys in bars instead of online!