re: Dear Single Dads on Online Dating Sites

<blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Right.....   And having common interest ... [snip!] ... reason."</blockquote> Insane.... She's wrong for wanting a guy that's a match for her, not her kids? Not in the least."</blockquote>


What? Sera, Isaiah and myself are a packaged deal. If you want me, you want them too.

Quoting Just Ames:" Oh sorry. Here I am thinking that it's a package deal, my bad."

It is a package deal, to a point. I mean, SO was interested in me before he even knew I had a kid. He isn't with me because I'm a single mom and an easy target.
That's another thing, a lot of men do believe that single moms are easier because they are desperate or something.

I understand both point of views....

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" And I would rather date someone with similar interests and goals that go beyond just my child. Just ... [snip!] ... messages just say "We have a lot in common I have a kid around your's age." That's not a lot in common. That is one thing. "

I have to agree here. If you are wanting to get to know someone and potentially start a relationship with someone, then you should probably say why you are interested in that person other than their kids. I went on a date with a guy who was a single dad and his message was something like "Oh, I see you like such and such music, I was at the same concert" blah blah blah, went on some about music and such, and then casually slipped in "my daughter and I" towards the end - he went through the time and trouble to actually read about me and realize we had things in common other tan the fact we were both parents. Two people being parents doesn't mean you will have any interest in each other at all and if you have a fully fleshed out profile talking about yourself and the only thing they can pick out is that you both have kids? No thanks

Quoting snglemama:" And, the responses on this thread... Exactly why i started the thread for dating moms! Op, i get what ... [snip!] ... you're saying, and nothing wrong with it. You weren't saying you wouldn't date a dad... Just thats not a REASON to date someone"

It is seriously not that complex, lol.

I don't know why it's so wrong for me to want a guy that's into me as a person, not me as a mom. I understand it's more comforting to have someone in your same phase of life, but I'm more than a mother. I have interests. I have places I want to go in my life that both include and don't include my child. Being a mom is absolutely my first priority, and I never leave the house with her so I don't even know how I'm going to APPROACH dating with her, but I don't want that to be the bonding factor in a relationship.

Like I said, I'm not just bashing single dads in particular. Just the one's that only see that I'm a mom and want to date me. Most of the guys are 10 years or older and divorced, I don't want them to try and settle on me just because I know what they're going through. That's not enough to make a relationship.

I said this already, but I'm even talking to a single dad right now, but, again, like I said, he sent me a nice message about things I put on my profile. Our kids haven't come up yet, which is how it should be. I don't want a playdate with a stranger online, I want to date safely and keep my kid safe before that even matters.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Oh sorry. Here I am thinking that it's a package deal, my bad."</blockquote>




It is a package deal... But She's looking for a relationship, best friend, possible husband, not a nanny

<blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" And, the responses on this thread... Exactly why i started the thread for dating moms! Op, i get what ... [snip!] ... you're saying, and nothing wrong with it. You weren't saying you wouldn't date a dad... Just thats not a REASON to date someone"</blockquote>


Maybe she should stop assuming that these guys want to date her ONLY because she has kids.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Oh sorry. Here I am thinking that it's a package ... [snip!] ... It is a package deal... But She's looking for a relationship, best friend, possible husband, not a nanny"</blockquote>



You missed the point. Clearly.

Quoting Sweetheart...*:" Ewwww I would hate if someone i dated tried to give me parenting advice! "

It's a real turn off... haha

Quoting snglemama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Oh sorry. Here I am thinking that it's a package ... [snip!] ... It is a package deal... But She's looking for a relationship, best friend, possible husband, not a nanny"

Y'all are something else   So a dad approaching a mom on a single's dating site means that he wants to be a nanny? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I have to agree here. If you are wanting to get to know someone and potentially start a relationship ... [snip!] ... a fully fleshed out profile talking about yourself and the only thing they can pick out is that you both have kids? No thanks"

Thank you. =[ It's so nice to get some understanding. None of my friends are single mothers, and I am honestly having a hard time coming to terms with even trying to date. I've been single for all of DD's short 13mo life, but it's a long time to not date, and I'm just trying to do it safely and in a way that leads to something long lasting.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" And, the responses on this thread... Exactly ... [snip!] ... someone"</blockquote> Maybe she should stop assuming that these guys want to date her ONLY because she has kids.  "</blockquote>

Then maybe they should give another reason.

You're not a single mom. Items not like she's making an assumption off one message. she's venting about a pattern

Quoting Just Ames:" Remove your kid from your status. You want them to ONLY be interested in you so there you go. Problem solved."

No, I won't people to understand that she's a part of my life and will be a part of a SERIOUS relationship....not something to get into immediately. I'm not going to go on a few dates and suddenly be like "Oh btw I have a baby." but at the same time they're not going to be like "Oh I have a kid that means I'm cool to come around yours right away, right?" It doesn't work that way.

<blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" ... [snip!] ... reason. You're not a single mom. Items not like she's making an assumption off one message. she's venting about a pattern"</blockquote>



What does me not being single have to do with it? It's pretty obvious that these guys are mentioning kids as something to break the ice. Maybe if OP made an effort to get to know any of them and not write them off immediately, she wouldn't be a bitter single women.  

A guy messages her and mentions that he's also a parent. Yeah....so creepy and he definitely wants to be a nanny. Psycho single moms.

Quoting Jas ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" ... [snip!] ... messages her and mentions that he's also a parent. Yeah....so creepy and he definitely wants to be a nanny. Psycho single moms."

You have no idea whether I've messaged them or not. You're the one who's making assumptions, now. Did it ever cross your mind that I've had conversations with these guys that led to nothing but "You sound like a great mom, my son would love you." etc and red flags like that? I'm guessing not.