Communication Rant

My son is nearly 19 months old and doesn't say any words at all and it's incredibly frustrating. His doctor wanted him to start speech therapy when he wasn't talking at 15 months and it's just a woman my age who comes by the house once a week with toys and does sign language with him so I didn't mind, since he enjoys it so much but having a toddler who has absolutely no interest in playing with toys or other people and won't communicate in any way what's wrong with them is starting to take it's toll on me. He signs "more" now but he just does it all the time and I don't know more what. We were grocery shopping the other day and he was crying and fussy which is unlike him and he just kept signing "more" but I had no idea what he was trying to say he wanted more of. He knows other signs but he doesn't usually use them. He won't sit in my lap, he won't show any affection aside from a goodbye or good night kiss and he never stops going. Ever. Instead of saying "thirsty" or "drink" he'll just go to the fridge and start pulling bottles of juice out and crying or he'll grab a chair, climb in it and get a sippy cup out of the cabinet even when I'm standing there asking him if he wants this or that. His complete lack of interest in human interaction is driving me nuts. I think it's just that the further along I get in this pregnancy the more tired I am and the more irritable but today was just a really bad day for us. It doesn't help that my husband and I work opposite shifts to keep him out of daycare (because we don't trust it, nor can we afford it) so through the week we're both "single parents" with no help because as soon as he gets home from work I leave for work and when I get home everyone is sleeping already.

I'm just ranting to rant because anytime I say anything to my mom about it she just coos over how cute his babbling is and tells me I need to lighten up and get over it because "every child develops differently" and I know that but seeing my friends kids who are only a month older than him give their parents hugs and asking for snacks makes me angry sometimes because I'm so tired and maybe it's selfish but sometimes I wish he would just lay his head on me or show me any kind of affection because he hasn't at all since he was 3 months old. He started being able to get around at 4 months by worming himself along the carpet and after that he had no interest in anybody. Just wants to go all the time. He won't even sleep unless he has no choice. Since he was born if you tried to rock him to sleep he would just stare at you for hours and never fall asleep but if you put him bed and leave he'll finally get bored and sleep. We tried to move him to a toddler bed and he stayed up 10 hours past his bed time getting back out of bed. If I stayed in the room, he would stay in bed but he wouldn't sleep. He just laid there and stared at me while he sucked his thumb for 3 hours. He was so tired he couldn't even stand but he kept throwing himself out of bed just because he knew he could and would drag himself along the floor., crying because he was tired. I finally had to put him in his playpen where he knew he couldn't get out and go to bed. We converted his crib back the next day.

I have this kid that I love more than anything in the world, who won't say a word to me and won't even stop running around like mad long enough to sit in my lap and let me read him a book. I've just had about enough of everything already this week and it's only Wednesday.

First? Breathe.

I know it's hard. My daughter was severe speech delays, so I get it. She was close to 2 before she even picked up any signs, and I for SURE know that "more" sign, when you have no idea what they want.

Have you considered trying PEC system? Look into it. It's a system where they give you cards with pictures on it to tell you what they want. It can help.

Other then that, just try not to compare him. They really do all develop on their own. It's hard to see that when you're stressed, but it's true. I wish I had advice that woudl make it all a LOT easier, but I will say that it does get better.

He sounds just like DD v1.0 and she didn't say a word until around her second birthday. She's 2.5 now and I can't get her to stop talking, she talks in full sentences now.
My mom says my sister didn't start talking until she turned 3. I think you're stressing over it too much.

Quoting she nan igans:" First? Breathe. I know it's hard. My daughter was severe speech delays, so I get it. She was close to ... [snip!] ... stressed, but it's true. I wish I had advice that woudl make it all a LOT easier, but I will say that it does get better. "

I hadn't actually compared him until recently when another mom said something to me about it. She looked at him like he was stupid because her kid is 21 months and says the alphabet or some smurf like that. I haven't heard of that PEC system and I'll look into it but he won't even point out pictures in a book so I don't know if it will help. It's not just not talking, it's no communication at all. It's like he doesn't even know I'm there and will give him whatever he wants.

Quoting Taylor Migliano:" He sounds just like DD v1.0 and she didn't say a word until around her second birthday. She's 2.5 now ... [snip!] ... full sentences now. My mom says my sister didn't start talking until she turned 3. I think you're stressing over it too much."

It's not that I worry there's anything wrong it's just hard when he's sitting there crying and is just angry and won't just tell me what he wants. He knows signs for milk and juice and drink and eat and he won't use any of them. He just hits himself in the head and pulls his hair and it's frustrating, especially when I'm exhausted and still have homework due and the house to clean before going to work for 9 hours. He won't even point to something he wants. If he can't get it himself he just cries.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Reise's Mommy:</b>" It's not that I worry there's anything wrong it's just hard when he's sitting there crying and is just ... [snip!] ... to clean before going to work for 9 hours. He won't even point to something he wants. If he can't get it himself he just cries."</blockquote>




He might be feeling the stress of it, too :/ The fact that he can't seem to figure how out to communicate just yet might be really frustrating to him and the fact that people keep pushing him so hard to might not be helping.

Quoting Reise's Mommy:" I hadn't actually compared him until recently when another mom said something to me about it. She looked ... [snip!] ... just not talking, it's no communication at all. It's like he doesn't even know I'm there and will give him whatever he wants."

You mentioned someone coming to the house. Is that Early Intervention? If so, have they done an evaluation on him? It might be worth it. My daughter had many of the same autism red flags. Hers edned up being sensory problems. She didn't point to things until she was well over 2. What does his teacher think? Is he making progress? The fact that he's trying the more sign tells me he is capable of communicating, it's just taking him longer to get into really using them. It took my daughter a while too, but they eventually came.

Quoting Taylor Migliano:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Reise's Mommy:</b>" It's not that I worry there's anything ... [snip!] ... just yet might be really frustrating to him and the fact that people keep pushing him so hard to might not be helping."

I might think that if he tried to communicate but he doesn't. It's like he hates people or something. He doesn't want to be around us. He wants to do everything himself and doesn't want help or to talk to you about it. If you have an animal book and are trying to show him stuff he will take the book from you and go sit by himself and look at it. If you have something he wants rather than ask you for it he'll either try to take it from you forcefully or he'll just go get something else. He only recently started using the signs he does because he was getting angry I wasn't just giving him what I thought he wanted. His developmental interventionist and his speech therapist say he's not autistic, which is something they were initially worried about and he doesn't have any mental incapabilities, he's just "stubborn" and "independent"

It doesn't usually stress me out but I have finals this month and the place both my husband and myself work at might be doing Christmas layoffs, we're behind in our bills and my MIL is driving me nuts because she jumps down my throat constantly over the fact that he's even in speech therapy.

Quoting she nan igans:" You mentioned someone coming to the house. Is that Early Intervention? If so, have they done an evaluation ... [snip!] ... it's just taking him longer to get into really using them. It took my daughter a while too, but they eventually came."

Yes, they did an evaluation before they started him in the program and said he's "stubborn" I don't see that as a diagnoses but that's the only reason they have that he's not communicating. He is getting better but lately it's just driving me nuts. I wish he would play with the hundreds of toys he has or sit down with me and do ANYTHING but he won't. He won't even sit still to eat. He bounces in his chair the entire time he's eating, if he's in his chair. If he has a snack in the living room he runs around the room while he's eating. He gets choked because he won't even stop moving to take a drink of his sippy cup.

Quoting Reise's Mommy:" Yes, they did an evaluation before they started him in the program and said he's "stubborn" I don't see ... [snip!] ... he runs around the room while he's eating. He gets choked because he won't even stop moving to take a drink of his sippy cup."

Maybe look into food issues? I've heard some people need to take their kids off different things like gluten or articifial dyes and stuff. Might be worth trying. If YOU are really worried about autism then you can take him to your Dr and ask about an evaluation. Or call your infant service coordinator and tell them your concerns. Sometimes you can request a different evaluation if you don't agree with the one done.

However, it can just be a delay also. If he doesn't have the signs of autism, then it can just be that he is delayed and stubborn. Some kids are. You just have to figure out what works for them, which is always different.

I feel like I've done a bad job as a mother because he doesn't do any of these things. Like I haven't done a good enough job teaching him. We've always read books and I made sure to never baby talk around him because I wanted him to speak well and now he doesn't talk at all and I feel like I messed something up.

Quoting she nan igans:" Maybe look into food issues? I've heard some people need to take their kids off different things like ... [snip!] ... be that he is delayed and stubborn. Some kids are. You just have to figure out what works for them, which is always different. "

I don't feel like it's autism. I was worried about it for a while but he doesn't mind being touched and he holds eye contact better than he used to. He got sick for the first time at 16 months and curled up with me on the couch all day (which was one of the best days ever, even if that makes me feel bad for enjoying the time he was sick. Those were the only cuddles I've ever gotten). What I don't understand is why he stopped talking in the first place, because he WAS talking. Or starting to. Mama was his first word at 6 months, dada at 7 and he was starting to jabber and none of it made sense, but he was trying, then he quit. He stopped saying anything and is now back to jabber 6 months later.

Quoting Reise's Mommy:" I don't feel like it's autism. I was worried about it for a while but he doesn't mind being touched ... [snip!] ... none of it made sense, but he was trying, then he quit. He stopped saying anything and is now back to jabber 6 months later."

I think he'll catch up then, when he's ready to. Does he have any sensory problems? That was my daughters issue. Maybe look into sensory processing disorder? It really have just be killer. It's taken a long time to get her past it all.

Quoting she nan igans:" I think he'll catch up then, when he's ready to. Does he have any sensory problems? That was my daughters ... [snip!] ... Maybe look into sensory processing disorder? It really have just be killer. It's taken a long time to get her past it all."

The only sensory things I've noticed is he's really sensitive to texture, but not in a bad way. He doesn't have any textures he hates but there's a certain fabric he is absolutely in love with. It's almost like shag but reeeeeeally soft. Walmart sells in the teen bedding section these big pillows and throw blankets that are crazy colors and are really, really soft and he has one of the pillows and he is extremely attached to that thing. He won't go to bed without it. His halloween costume was made of the same stuff and he carries the head piece around with him now, sucking his thumb just like he does that pillow.

Here's some videos of him doing the only thing he enjoys: making a mess   This is about the longest I've seen him sit still since he started scooting. Also why I don't think he's autistic. Every now and then we get moments like these where he actually spends time doing something with us and enjoys being around us.

http://youtu.be/CWRE9Hqb8Ns

and in this one he actually tries to say "eww" a few times which was a big deal  

http://youtu.be/mv38o-E5vZc