Im lying here almost afraid to write as if typingout these words and pouring out my soul will bring on the stream of tears Ive been suffocating back all day.
It's time to face the music and become lucid again , I cant live through everyone else's happy post anymore. I cant put up this facade like everything is ok,when deep down inside, there's a cave of emotion tempting to implode inside of me if I dont open my mouth to say whats been present on my mind all day.
Im so hurt! My grandather died early this morning ive known since about 6am. no,he is not my biological grandfather but he raised me non the less. anything his grandchildren had,I had too. he taught me so much and he's been in my life since I was 3.
Ie alwys known death happens in 3's this is why this shouldnt really even be a shock to me. Ive. been waiting on that 3rd prson to past. ever since my step father who's been in my life since i was 2 died late march of this year,followed by SO's great grandmother who died a a beautiful age of 99. such a strong and beautiful lady,lucid even in her final days. so excited for the birth of her favorite grandson's son. I knew there was going to be a 3rd before I got to welcome my son into this world. almost 38weeks I thought I could avoid it but i guess not. death came knocking and took my grandfather away.
Everytime I think about it I just say 3passed for 1 life. I know my mom,grandmothers,grandfathers,and SO's are looking down happy. I know htis little boy will be nothing short of amazing becasue the ones that passed to give him life were some of the stongest,most intelligent loving people I knew and all the wonderful things hey taught me I promise to pass on to him.