If you had a traumatic childhood...

How do you get past the feeling of, "I could have been a better/more successful/happier person if only X hadn't happened."

Normally I just truck onward, but I have had some triggering events happen within the family this week that just remind me why I am where I am. They also make me bitter that one of the people who harmed me in life has mostly gotten away unscathed despite the fact that 3 other family members and myself have told the entire family what he did to us all.

I focus on the good things that happened in my childhood instead of the traumatic things. I actually take this approach any time I'm trying to keep the good vibes coming. I just remind myself of the positives and that without the past I wouldn't be the strong and thoughtful adult I am today.

Quoting Rabbit™ {24wks}:" I focus on the good things that happened in my childhood instead of the traumatic things. I actually ... [snip!] ... I just remind myself of the positives and that without the past I wouldn't be the strong and thoughtful adult I am today."

This.

Yeah. I have those times where I think well if only ------ I would be in a better place and be happier.. But I realize that I have been those things so I am a stronger person.

I try to do that most of the time, but honestly I just wish someone could tell me I'd never have to encounter the people who made me this way again. I've gone so far as to cut certain members out of my life, but people still try to tell me about them, how they're doing and such. I just want them dead for real. Not just to me. So everyone can forget them.

Sometimes you just have to move on. I know its hard. And I still have things run across my mind but I know none of it was my fault and I know that I should not let it affect me having a wonderful life. Smurf happens. If people knew half the smurf that I have went through they would wonder how I am still standing. Struggle makes us stronger and there are just some smurfed up people in this world. But I am a strong believer in Karma. If I were you I would break away from that part of your family who is doubting you.

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" This. Yeah. I have those times where I think well if only ------ I would be in a better place and be happier.. But I realize that I have been those things so I am a stronger person. "

Honestly that's one of the only things that makes it easier on me. I struggle a lot with different things because of past childhood experiences. But, I know that those things have made me way stronger and way more loving, even though I do still have a hard time.

I often find myself saying smurf like, "well, if they hadn't done this, I would be better." But the thing of it is, if my childhood HADN'T been what it was, I wouldn't be who I am now. It did take me a very VERY long time to learn to be happy with myself, and feel good inside my own skin. But I did learn. I messed up a lot of smurf in my life, and now I'm working on making amends. I don't blame my mother or my father anymore, I learned things that were necessary for survival. Granted, I learned these lessons the HARD way, but I learned them regardless. My parents weren't the best parents, but because of who they were, I know what kind of parent *I* want to be. And I'm alright with that. I just remind myself that I am where I need to be, I am doing what I need to be doing. I am the person I was meant to become, and it's because of who my parents were. Sometimes, it's the people who suffer the most who become the greatest people. Take whatever happened to you, and let it make you STRONGER. You can't let it destroy you. Don't think about what could have been, or what would have been. You only need to think about what is, and what is supposed to be. Everything you've gone through has led you here, it is what makes you. Don't let it make you bitter, and don't question things that we aren't meant to understand. Just learn from it, and become a bigger, better, stronger person, in SPITE of what happened to you.