Been a year....

today marks a year since I lost my first baby. It was my husband's first child. I also lost my best friend. I know both are in heaven and I miss them both. I am so happy I have three boys and any day now my 4th son. I do miss beyond anything the one I lost, and my bestie. Sadly I rejected the phone call that was my best friends last good bye to me right as I was in the ultrasound getting the news that I had lost my baby. I called him later to cry on his shoulder, and nothing. Two days later his sister called to tell me he had passed an hour after he called me. He just wanted to say goodbye and say he loved me.  

oh wow i am so sorry for both of your losses.

Yeah it is hard. I am trying to keep my mind off it. But really hard considering what all happened.

Sorry for your losses  

Off topic, but you still haven't had your baby??? I thought you were dilated to an 8 like five days ago?

Quoting Honda450:" Yeah it is hard. I am trying to keep my mind off it. But really hard considering what all happened."

Well we will never forget those who we've lost, my husband lost his best friend 3 years ago from OD and still till this day there are times were he will talk to me about him and say how he wishes he could be here.. There gone but never forgotten.

Quoting *B & D Mommy*:" Sorry for your losses   Off topic, but you still haven't had your baby??? I thought you were dilated to an 8 like five days ago?"

Yep my cervix is funneled so the outside was 8 and inside was 4 5ish. But we stopped labor because of some issues I had. I started losing my vision again. We thought it was due to high blood pressure or thyroid again. So I spent a day in the hospital and got cleared. thyroid was normal and blood pressure was great. But I put myself on rest because I am sick. I have been taking meds to stop labor again so that I can be ready. Plus my husband can't take his vacation now. He is the only one I have and is delivering our baby. So I NEED him. Anyways I am trying to keep him cooking due to a due date mess up the midwife did. I tried switching doctors a few weeks ago because I noticed even though she is AMAZING she has fallen into the cracks because she has WAY to many patients. My care has been not so great. I know due dates can be off, and I have no intention of induction so right now with all this lovely preterm labor and everything else we are holding him off longer to make sure he is COMPLETELY ready to be here. I don't want another nicu baby. Plus I still don't know why I had issues with my vision but it is scary. My midwife has cleared me and baby but maybe it is fear but I want him to stay in longer. He is measuring huge but to me that doesn't matter because my other three were huge. All three were early but my third gave me a good scare.

Quoting Honda450:" Yep my cervix is funneled so the outside was 8 and inside was 4 5ish. But we stopped labor because of ... [snip!] ... huge but to me that doesn't matter because my other three were huge. All three were early but my third gave me a good scare."

Oh wow! Well I hope when things do start going that it goes smoothly for you!  

Quoting *B & D Mommy*:" Oh wow! Well I hope when things do start going that it goes smoothly for you!  "

thanks, me too. I had never heard of a funneled cervix. It is odd. On Monday the midwife said the outside was 10 and inside was 5. So the meds are slowing it down. But I am now almost completely thinned out so with that you almost can't feel the funnel anymore. I had to do research on it. But it is common I guess. I never had it before with my kids. IDK to me it seems like everyone that has been induced or went early lately has been having issues with it. It scared me even more. I was like screw that he can just stay in and I can be uncomfortable a while longer. There is only so much I can do to stop him but I am trying.