I have known for a long time that I have an eating disorder. I've always had a bad relationship with food, but the last few years I have struggled with bulimia. I don't purge, I fast, which is why I don't think people have noticed and I've gained SO much weight. I spend so much time just absolutely hating myself. I will binge eat for a day or two, then feel very guilty fast as long as I can, two or three days. Eventually I will promise myself I won't do it again and eat "normally" for a week or two, then end up binging again. I don't know why but right now I am coming off of the longest binge I've ever had... its been almost a week. I have been eating uncontrollably. Today I fasted. I confided in a BG friend, so she will know who I am if she sees this, but I need to tell someone I know for real. I need to get help. I'm so tired of hating myself and my body. I want to tell my husband but I've had a lot of other unrelated health issues since we have been married and I already feel like a complete failure of a wife, like I've been a huge burden on him. I sometimes think he must really regret marrying me. That stems from nothing he has said or done because he's never been anything but loving and supportive.
I want help. I need help. But I don't know what to do to get help. Even if I tell someone... what then? We are so broke, I don't know how we would afford any treatment or therapy.