.....................................

It's definitely not an excuse. That is so sad  

Quoting Elliot Reid:" My friend, who is in his 20's, absolutely hates his father. Heres why. Lets call his father B. B was ... [snip!] ... its left him messed up but he says if he ever has kids he will never treat them like that. So why didnt B think that way too?"

No, it's no excuse (and this is coming from someone who comes from a long line of abuse...it's almost like a family heirloom being passed down through the generations). For him to treat his daughter like a princess and his son like smurf tells me that he KNOWS how to parent, he KNOWS how to treat his children, he's just being an smurf and playing favorites. At least in my case, my dad treated my brother and I both like smurf and treated his nieces and nephews like gold. He knew how to be a friend and an uncle, but not how to be a father.

When you have children, if you're a decent person, you try your damnedest to break the cycle of abuse and not put your children through what you went through. Period. I have made that vow. My brother, however, abuses everyone around him. He's a very angry person because of our upbringing.

A person can CHOOSE whether or not to let their abuse negatively affect them and in turn affect those around them.

Quoting RainbowDash:" No, it's no excuse (and this is coming from someone who comes from a long line of abuse...it's almost ... [snip!] ... A person can CHOOSE whether or not to let their abuse negatively affect them and in turn affect those around them."

Im really sorry you went through that  

I don't think it's a thought out process. I think the initial person who is abused tends to follow in the same foot steps so to speak. Unless they can make the choice, go to counseling and work hard to break the cycle the cycle will keep going and going and going for future generations. I doubt the father thought, Oh this is how I'm going to treat DD and DS will be the victim of my abuse.
In general though when a parent is abusive- one child is usually the target and gets the smurf end of the stick. You are either number one or nothing.
Nothing excuses what happened, regardless. IMO part of healing is breaking contact with the abuser.

Quoting Elliot Reid:" Im really sorry you went through that   "

It's okay, really. It's unfortunate, but it partially shaped who I am and because of that the things that were done to me will never be done to my children.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Elliot Reid:</b>" My friend, who is in his 20's, absolutely hates his father. Heres why. Lets call his father B. B was ... [snip!] ... its left him messed up but he says if he ever has kids he will never treat them like that. So why didnt B think that way too?"</blockquote>

No excuses can justify abuse