How to move on.

My sons father hasn't been in his life since he was 6 months old. He's a drug addict and a gang member and he was emotionally abusive when we were together.

And I just can't move on. I've known him almost my whole life. I remember when we would play house together. We helped each other through everything, my mom and his mom were crackheads and I remember us sleeping at each others houses, curled up in the closet holding each other and telling stories and singing so we didn't think about the party going on outside. I remember when we took each others virginity when I was 13 and he was 16. I hate seeing what he's become. I hate seeing the pictures he puts on Facebook of him at parties and what not, and all I think about is if he even remembers us? He should understand. We never had fathers...he was the last person I thought would ever end up like this. It makes me sick to think of him smoking crack and ice and now I'm crying... I don't know how to move on...

First off you need to stop looking at his face book page. Delete delete! He has nothing to do with your son's life so there is no reason why YOU should know or care about any part of his life. As you have basically stated... Knowing about him causes you pain, so why put yourself through it? He as obviously moved on . You should too. Do you really want his influence around your son anyway? Love your son enough to protect him and our son's mother from your exes garbage.

if you don't want your kid to have the same childhood you had and he's not changing you really have no choice. You have to make it about your LO and not you at this point. If he's not invloved at all why are you still FB friends? Cut all ties if you can, and if he sees his son have a mediatior like your mom or a friend do the trade off. You need a clean break

I'm not saying at all that I want him in our lives with the way he is now. I'm just having trouble with coming to terms with the person he is now... Idk how to explain it. I would never allow him in my sons life if he wasn't completely sober and living a different lifestyle than what he is now.

Quoting Rafael's Mommy ♥:" I'm not saying at all that I want him in our lives with the way he is now. I'm just having trouble with ... [snip!] ... it. I would never allow him in my sons life if he wasn't completely sober and living a different lifestyle than what he is now."

Is he trying to be? When SO and I split(I left him due to heroin abuse) he took me to court for joint custody. They drug tested him randomly or about 2 1/2 months and he failed every one. Then they finally court ordered him to detox and rehab. He got clean and he's the best dad in the world now!!

Maybe you can help him out?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Will☮Creedence:</b>" Is he trying to be? When SO and I split(I left him due to heroin abuse) he took me to court for joint ... [snip!] ... court ordered him to detox and rehab. He got clean and he's the best dad in the world now!! Maybe you can help him out?"</blockquote>


A little while back he called me and asked if he would be able to come see Rafael, he said he was clean now and wanted a relationship with him. I told him that he could come to my house and see him, we set up a date and time... He never showed up...

Quoting Rafael's Mommy ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Will☮Creedence:</b>" Is he trying to be? When SO and ... [snip!] ... with him. I told him that he could come to my house and see him, we set up a date and time... He never showed up..."

  I'm so sorry. I understand why it's so hard, but it's because you know the person he is underneath all the drugs. That person is gone now though and you need to just keep telling yourself that.