Quoting Timothy Hay:" Yes, I wanted to make sure I don't drift into the "well this is what you need to be doing" territory ... [snip!] ... about is no ones business in my opinion. Which is where the occasional drop ins, and updates if he asked for them came about."
I would also not discount the change that happens in guys after the baby is born. Because its easy to think it will be easy to go away and do this or do that. Smurf I thought showering would be easy >.< because its not going to hurt to cry a little... well we both know how that changed. With pregnancy we get to change with the help of hormones, and our body changing. Guys don't get that.
You are an intelligent compassionate person and mother. You will make the right decision. And be what your kids need no matter what he does. The best advice I have for you having been in this situation is to remember that things are going to change, in a good or bad way.