re: Baby Mama Drama

my and my BD are broken up and if was to try and bring another woman around my daughter i would put an end to it. theres no reason some other woman needs to try and play mommy... as for the calling. i would probably be the same way, ever father i know that isnt with their BM calls their kids everyday that they dont have them...

Quoting Gemmas mommy!:" my and my BD are broken up and if was to try and bring another woman around my daughter i would put an ... [snip!] ... probably be the same way, ever father i know that isnt with their BM calls their kids everyday that they dont have them... "

But what if she wasn't trying to play mommy with your daughter? Not all BD's SO's are out to replace the BM. It's not really fair to BD to put him in that situation. What would you say if the tables were turned and BD didn't want your SO around your daughter? There is a point where you have to give in and trust BD.

Thank you mamastj for posting & your sincerity:-) I definitely appreciate both!
I agree with both of your posts. BM told my bf when we got together that she is was keeping his son away from me and threatening him about not seeing their son "because he chose for things to be like this" and that "she still loves him." He was over it though and wanted to be with me so they didn't get back together.
I too hate how women use their children as pawns to make the fathers do what they want because its always the child that loses out. I've seen it first-hand 
And no, I'm not going anywhere. He loves me, I love him, and while it wasn't exactly planned, we have a son that's 6 weeks as of yesterday.

Gemmas mommy-If you choose to use your child as a bargaining chip if your babys father moves on, I'm sorry for you. My man is good to have put up with so much of BM's crap. While I don't think its right, I know plenty of men who aren't in their child's life because the mom made it hard for them to move on with their life. You'll be hurting your daughter in the end.
I don't want to be his sons mother. The same way I wouldn't want another woman bring my sons mother. But since I'm with his father, I think its important that I am treated & respected as a parental figure. And I think its also important to do things and treat their son just like I do my own. I can't imagine being any other way just because his mother is so caustic.

<blockquote><b>Quoting mamastj:</b>" But what if she wasn't trying to play mommy with your daughter? Not all BD's SO's are out to replace ... [snip!] ... tables were turned and BD didn't want your SO around your daughter? There is a point where you have to give in and trust BD. "</blockquote>




That's exactly what I'm saying tho he's not aloud to bring his SO around her and I do the same. It just confuses the child. So I understand where she's coming from.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Converse360:</b>" Thank you mamastj for posting & your sincerity:-) I definitely appreciate both! I agree with both of ... [snip!] ... do things and treat their son just like I do my own. I can't imagine being any other way just because his mother is so caustic."</blockquote>




Oh and btw I don't use my daughter as a barging chip... That's a retards thing to say... And I very muchdoubt a man isn't in his child's life because of a woman it's because he's a dead beat....

<blockquote><b>Quoting Gemmas mommy!:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Converse360:</b>" Thank you mamastj for posting & your sincerity:-) ... [snip!] ... thing to say... And I very muchdoubt a man isn't in his child's life because of a woman it's because he's a dead beat...."</blockquote>




False
Many men stay away for that reason
And if you live with your so you're a hypocrite
Your baby dad should be able to date And see his kid

Quoting Gemmas mommy!:" my and my BD are broken up and if was to try and bring another woman around my daughter i would put an ... [snip!] ... probably be the same way, ever father i know that isnt with their BM calls their kids everyday that they dont have them... "

my cousins ex doesn't. He is to busy at the bar with his drunk girlfriend. And because of the bitch he only gets the kids 2 times a month.

Been in a similar situation for 4 years. At some point the BM is gonna have to get over it. Seems like you are there to stay and not go anywhere so instead of making your life hell and your BF allowing it he needs to put his foot down. It's not a matter of you don't want him around his kid or anything like that at all. It's a matter of the BM still trying to run his life. He's a father to his child, that's it. He doesn't have to explain smurf to her when it comes to phone calls and things he does on his time when he doesn't have his son. Also, if they have a court ordered parenting plan that does not state you can't be around his kid then you by all means can and should be around his child. If there weren't papers then there wouldn't be anything you could do about it but you stated they have a parenting plan and I don't know of any judge in this country that would allow something as stupid as not being around the father's girlfriend in the paperwork. My BF's BM tried that too and said she would do everything she could to keep her baby away from me and she did until they got papers when she was 8 weeks old. Out of respect for her, I stayed away until those papers were signed off by a judge.

Quoting Gemmas mommy!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting mamastj:</b>" But what if she wasn't trying to play mommy with ... [snip!] ... not aloud to bring his SO around her and I do the same. It just confuses the child. So I understand where she's coming from."

How can you expect either of the two of you to be able to move on and live happily if you keep this up? What man will stick around knowing he can't be around when you have your daughter? You're just setting yourselves up for disappointment. At some point you need to sit down and come to an agreement. Children are capable of adapting. My brother has an ex wife who he has 2 kids with. They didn't always get along but my brother finally put his foot down and said that what he does is his business. His kids are always his first priority and he would never do anything to put them in a situation where they would get hurt. Since then, him and his ex get along great, for the sake of the kids. She moved on and got married...and he is engaged. Both of them have one more child with their new SO. She's been told that if she ever threatens him with his kids again to get what she wants he'd be seeing her in court. I know not every situation is ideal. IF you have a legitimate reason for wanting your child to be kept away from somebody then by all means, do what you feel is necessary, that is your job as a parent. But what's that saying...."don't cut off your nose just to spite your face"

Quoting ƒideℓis ϟ:" Who are you to say how often he should call?  "

Agreed.

And for you to say this: "Just Emily-I don't think its right that he would not call at all. I would have serious doubts if he didnt call at all. I didn't grow up with a dad & I think its wonderful that he's such an attentive father. I told him that he didn't have to call everyday. Some days its good to stop by the daycare & just see his son himself so that she isn't expecting him to call just for her to talk to him. I think that's wrong."

Seriously, who the hell are you to say "Yup you dont need to call... just see him at daycare instead!!!" Seriously... you have NO right to even have a say in that matter!

Thank you all,also, for posting!
LuvinmyMason-- I feel the exact same way you do. I'm really glad that he finally stood up to her. He told her that his son was always welcome to call him, but she was not unless it was an emergency about their son or something school-related. She got completely pissed, but he's been so compliant that he's been stepped on so I'm glad he stood up to her and checked her for being disrespectful.

Froggy'sMommy- I didn't tell him not to call everyday. He was completely pissed when she called & interrupted our time together. I guess I should say I re-affirmed that he didn't have to call everyday. I certainly didn't suggest that he didn't. I agreed that it wasn't something he should feel obligated to do. And I meant that.

Quoting Converse360:" Thank you all,also, for posting! LuvinmyMason-- I feel the exact same way you do. I'm really glad that ... [snip!] ... I certainly didn't suggest that he didn't. I agreed that it wasn't something he should feel obligated to do. And I meant that."

I'm going to copy a few things you said....

"He didn't call for two days (he's not required to) and on Saturday his BM called and demanded to know why. She grilled him & afterwards put their son on the phone. I told him that she's using him calling to control him and he shouldn't call everyday he doesn't have him because she expects it and I think its more for her than for the kid."

Kay, for one, it's NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. For you to say "I think it's more for her than the kid," well get bent chick, whether he is REQUIRED to call his child or not, he should WANT to. I'd want to know why the father of my child wasn't calling to see how my child was too. I'm sorry but if parents are split I think it's the obligation of the other parent to call every day and at least ask how they are doing and do a small talk and not be clueless as to whats going on with the child.

"Do you think that's wrong of me? I hate his BM because of how she acted the first year we were together. I think that his son knows he loves him, he shouldn't have to call everyday. I voiced this to him & he said he doesn't know, will work on it. What do you think? Thank you for reading this long post & posting your replies:-)"

What do I think? I think you shouldn't have a damn voice in the matter. If he loved him, he'd be calling him. He doesn't need to have the brat he calls his SO say "Oh but he knows you love him.... you don't have to call!!!!" If your SO said "I don't know, I will work on it" makes me think he wants to call but doesn't want to hear what will come from your trap. Seriously, answer me this, why shouldnt he call every day? What hurt comes from calling his child every day?

"Froggy'sMommy- I didn't tell him not to call everyday. He was completely pissed when she called & interrupted our time together. I guess I should say I re-affirmed that he didn't have to call everyday. I certainly didn't suggest that he didn't. I agreed that it wasn't something he should feel obligated to do. And I meant that."

Awwwww.... how sad..... his ex wants him to be involved with his child and it interrupts a precious 5 minutes out of your time. If he didnt discontinue calling for 2 days she wouldnt have to call. You don't need to reaffirm ANYTHING. You don't need to say ANYTHING about him feeling obligated to call.

It is none of your business. Not your say at all. You honestly should shut your trap because it is not for you to say.

And your SO should pick up the phone and talk to his child.

Just have to say, some posters seem to be taking this a little more personally than they should. I just want to remind everyone that when writing on here, a lot of little details get left out without thought. I see far too many people jumping down OP's throat. Reminder, this is internet. Don't get your panties in a bunch over something that doesn't actually involve you. She asked for advice, not lectures.

OP did refer to the fact that her SO visits his child at daycare regularly. IS there a need for a father to both visit AND call every single day?Sure, it may be nice, but as a parent, things can get hectic, especially when you're juggling family, work and any other unknown amount of things at once.

Have any of you nay-sayers ever seen things from a father's perspective? I have two brothers who aren't with the mothers of two of each of their children. I've seen it. I've seen my brother get screwwed over by a lying mother who was out for money and to make him look bad when she only had her kids for maybe 4 days of the month. My other brother goes above and beyond for his kids. He pays child support every 2 weeks, that's all he is required to do. But he pays for half of their clothing for school. He pays for half of their winter snowsuits and boots. He pays for half of the sports they do, karate, ballet, soccer, baseball. you name it.Hell when he takes them for holidays he even brings their little brother, who is from his wife's new SO. Does he call them every day? No. He lives 4 hours away and is up at 4am to leave for work, gets home at 7pm and continues to work from his garage to bring in extra money. He loves his kids. If they want to get ahold of him they can call him, day or night, but he doesn't always call. Does that make him a bad father? I don't think so/ I think he's a better father than half of the ones out there who live with their BM's.

Give OP and her SO a break. It's not easy. It's an emotional roller coaster and it's not always fun.

Thank you both for posting (one a little more than the other-lol) but I'm glad to be getting some other viewpoints on this issue. I'm sorry to hear your brothers are going through BM issues, mamastj. They both do sound like great fathers though!!

Like I have stated before, it is none of my business, except that both he & I are keenly aware that she often uses their son as a way to get to have extra contact with him. Like they are friends when she's tried everything to ruin his life since he's moved on. Even after the CO she would say he could only see their son at her house (even though my bf is very responsible) instead of taking him to my bf's fathers where he lives. Then she was randomly calling because her daughter (not his child) was having issues at school & he told her that was not his concern. Now, its this. If the child wanted to talk to him, call, and hand the child the phone. Don't call and spout off angry nonsense (with no reason) and then put the kid on the phone. First, because its not necessary and second, your child shouldn't have to hear you talking like that over nothing.

My bf is a WONDERFUL father! I don't ever want that to be questioned because he's put up with her BS for four years, 3 and a half they weren't together, and its been a lot. What I had to say meant very little compared to the fact that he just doesn't want to be run over by her again. The only reason he didn't call was because the baby & I are in the process of moving and he was dead tired after helping us by moving a house full of furniture. The first night I even reminded him to call his son, but it was almost 9:30 pm and too late. All that being said, she knows hes a great father, everyone does.

Quoting mamastj:" Just have to say, some posters seem to be taking this a little more personally than they should. I just ... [snip!] ... live with their BM's. Give OP and her SO a break. It's not easy. It's an emotional roller coaster and it's not always fun. "

I think your brother & my SO have the same BM