"Just think positive"

If ONE more person tells me to think positive about this pregnancy (to the point of criticizing my fears and worries and the fact that I really do expect bad news from every Doppler check or ultrasound and expect blood every time I wipe), I am going to lose my mind.

Yes, I understand totally that having a positive outlook can have an impact on the outcome of many situations---but I have walked a VERY difficult road to get to where I am. Thinking positive of me is like telling the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down and take a rest---it's a nice thought, but its not really possible. It's like telling someone who's been homeless for 20 years that if they just think positive, everything will change.. Saying it, even wanting it, does not make it POSSIBLE.

This is pregnancy 8 with one living child. Out of EIGHT positive pee tests I've gotten that amazing feeling of birthing a live child TWICE...an one of those was a micropreemie that the hospital told me when I was pushing that they could not help (hospital not equipped for a 23 weeker) so I fought my body and my body forced him out anyway and I watched him die in my arms!

Please quit smurfing implying that my natural worries that I fight EVERY minute of every day are somehow going to kill his baby. I've had hope before---I've been optimistic. In had it until the very last instant with Deagan as I watched him lay there fighting to continue breathing and hoping that by some miracle from God his little chest would begin to rise and fall again after his heart stopped beating.

Positive is just not possible. My feelings and emotions are mine an I have a right to them. I love this baby so damn much that it scares me because some part of me (a big part) is still convinced this one will die too.

Unless you've walked in my shoes, please do not tell me how I should feel OR that my feelings are going to harm this baby. They're automatic. You can't fix me with a few cliche sayings.

I understand what you are going through the thoughts never go away or the doubts I pray things will work out for you to take some of your pain away. Good luck

You've been through a lot, its normal for you to feel the way you are. I dont see how anyone can expect other wise. Have you told these people how you're feeling?

People seriously need to mind their own business. You have every right to feel the way you do and it's definitely not as simple as thinking positive. I really have no idea what else to say because I've never been in your shoes but some of the smurf I've heard other people say to others who've experienced any sort of loss just seems tactless. I don't know what I'd do if I had to listen to some of the smurf people spew.

): feel better momma. Ignore all those people. I know it's tough. I haven't been through what you have but I had the constant fear something was going to go wrong with my baby. He was born at 35 weeks and had to stay and extra week in the hospital and the whole time I couldn't help thinking that if I had eaten healthier or remembered to take my prenatals every day and so on it wouldn't have happened. So I hope you feel better soon ): PM me if you need to talk to someone

Even after three miscarriages I still fear the worst with this pregnancy. I could never imagine going through what you have had to! I also know exactly what you mean when saying everyone's kind thoughts of "think positive" are not reassuring and won't do anything to change your thoughts and feelings about anything during pregnancy. My SO didn't understand either. He said the same thing. Every time I wanted to go to the hospital because I felt something wasn't right, he'd tell me I was just over reacting and the baby was fine (while it was, up until this point), it's still the fact that I have had to go through miscarriages multiple times... Nothing will ever be "ok".

*hugs*

I cannot relate, but I am sorry for your losses and I hope that you don't have anymore.

F-em, F-em all!! You should put a fb stays that says- telling me to be and think positive, or that you "know" things will be different now will result in immediate deletion!

What really pisses me off for you is they can't just say it once they have to keep arguing it with you- damn STFU she already told you your not helping!!! Sorry, it Buggs me too because I know how much it upsets you!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jae=Devin & Jordyns Mommy:</b>" F-em, F-em all!! You should put a fb stays that says- telling me to be and think positive, or that you ... [snip!] ... it with you- damn STFU she already told you your not helping!!! Sorry, it Buggs me too because I know how much it upsets you!"</blockquote>




I keep getting it in PMs and from strangers on the street and acquaintances too!

If my problem were just positive thinking, Deagan would be alive. They told me he'd die Sunday...I through sheer force of will kept him in til Tuesday afternoon. I wanted that miracle so badly I could taste it!

<blockquote><b>Quoting P Pickle Pants:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jae=Devin & Jordyns Mommy:</b>" F-em, F-em all!! You should ... [snip!] ... die Sunday...I through sheer force of will kept him in til Tuesday afternoon. I wanted that miracle so badly I could taste it!"</blockquote>




Yea I know it's everywhere. I remember the stupid chick at Motherhood   and I saw how much hope was taken from you that day. Isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same actions and expecting a different result? How can you think positive after all that's been taken from you. Rey act as of you are thinking negatively and therefore acting negatively which couldn't be farther from the truth. You are proactive- you are doing everything in your power to keep this baby here and to bring him/her home. But after all you've been through how in the F can people except you to believe this time will be different. It's just like anything else you were hurt and you have your guard up. You have to protect yourself. You have to think it may not happen otherwise how would you cope again. People and their cliche BS need to go shove it up their ass. I wanna see them go through what you did and then expect the next time will be different.

I got that a lot... I've had miscarriages, preemies and I have a clotting disorder which puts me at higher risk of having a baby with birth defects. I worry every day from my 1st positive until I hold my baby. I got tired of hearing "Take it easy", "enjoy this time", "stay positive", "you wanted this so stop worrying".... I just took things one day at a time and held my breath until my baby was here, safe. I wish the best for you, I truly do. ♡

Quoting Chick+6!:" I got that a lot... I've had miscarriages, preemies and I have a clotting disorder which puts me at higher ... [snip!] ... took things one day at a time and held my breath until my baby was here, safe. I wish the best for you, I truly do. ♡"

Yeah but you also have 6 kids. lol

<blockquote><b>Quoting shelbylynn [20 WEEKS!]:</b>" Yeah but you also have 6 kids. lol"</blockquote>




And I get that I am blessed for that. But that doesn't mean it was easy. I have had at least 5 chemical pregnancies, I only list the baby I lost near 7 weeks. I know how it feels to get that faint line and watch it slowly disappear until the inevitable bleeding starts. I've heard "It wasn't even a baby yet" or "you hadn't even heard the heartbeat yet." That doesn't make it any easier. I get judged on here from people who don't know my story and assume life is perfect because I've had 5 of my own kids. Your comment honestly feels judgemental and hurtful because you have no clue.

Quoting Chick+6!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shelbylynn [20 WEEKS!]:</b>" Yeah but you also have 6 kids. ... [snip!] ... is perfect because I've had 5 of my own kids. Your comment honestly feels judgemental and hurtful because you have no clue."

It's not judgemental. I'm just saying, you're lucky to have all of these children. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.

<blockquote><b>Quoting shelbylynn [20 WEEKS!]:</b>" It's not judgemental. I'm just saying, you're lucky to have all of these children. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."</blockquote>




I realize every day how lucky I am. I had people tell me I am selfish for getting pregnant so many times knowing my risks. I only wanted P to know I am here for her, even if I haven't been in her exact place.