re: thanks a lot smurf

A friend of mine went through a similar situation. They were together for almost 10 years and he just up and left one day. Their daughter was 6 and she was 7 or 8 months pregnant with their son. He had a secret drug problem that no one knew about. It took him 2 years to start coming around and being a father again.

Hopefully he will realize what he's done and he will get the help he needs. I'm so sorry your going through this!

Quoting Stevie Renae™:" I feel stupid for not knowing been with him for almost ten years and I was too dumb not to know. How ... [snip!] ... care about your kids or anything? I don't know how to cope and not hurt, even my son is hurting he doesn't understand at all."

I'm so so sorry, i wish there was something i could do to make it better. It's not your fault that you didn't know, some people are good at hiding things. I'm not making excuses for him but when some people are on drugs they turn into someone totally different. He has to want to get help and i truly hope he does.

Quoting Stevie Renae™:" I feel stupid for not knowing been with him for almost ten years and I was too dumb not to know. How ... [snip!] ... care about your kids or anything? I don't know how to cope and not hurt, even my son is hurting he doesn't understand at all."

Don't feel stupid. People can be sneaky about smurf like that. It might take it a while to fully set in.  

So sorry!
Like everyone else has said, let him hit rock bottom, and wait for him to get the help he needs.

Be nothing but supportive of him, once he finally does admit to wanting help. It'll be hard, but it'll be worth it.

I'm so sorry hunny. I do have to say though that you are better off without him if he has a drug problem.
I dated a heroin addict for almost 2 years. When he went to jail, I found out so many bad things. People were following me because of his problem. He put my life on the line because of his habit.
Yeah, it sucked when we broke up. I did really love him, but he loved heroin more than me. And I refused to live life having to look over my shoulder all the time.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope that nothing but good comes out of this for you and the kids

Stevie, you know what I went through. If you ever need anyone to talk to that knows exactly the pain you're feeling... message me or text me, hell, even call. I'm so sorry

Wow, im so sorry you're going through this. I cant even imagine  

I just dont know what to do, i know i need refocus on me and the kids but its hard, he blames his use all on me and says its my fault, ive lost twenty pounds from this smurf. It hurts to cry now.

Quoting Stevie Renae™:" I just dont know what to do, i know i need refocus on me and the kids but its hard, he blames his use all on me and says its my fault, ive lost twenty pounds from this smurf. It hurts to cry now."

It is NOT your fault, he only has himself to blame, you never forced him to do what he did! Im sure hes at the stage where he's willing to put the blame on anyone but himself, and it will be the drugs talking, not him.

BD is (currently) in recovery from heroin and meth (again). He's been on and off for three years now. It smurfs with your head   i'm sorry you're going through this .

I am so so sorry   my daughter's father did the same thing when I was 4 months pregnant with her. I kept trying to stay and it was the most miserable time of my entire life. I eventually picked up the pieces and moved on. And now, 3 years later, after him going to prison he wants me back.

What I'm about to say is coming from a person who was once an intravenous drug user. (Brief background: I began using drugs at 16 and when I was 20 I began shooting up opiates including heroin and Oxycontin. When I was 17/18 I spent over 11 months in a rehabilitation facility in rural Vermont but ended up relapsing within one year. In the end the intravenous drug use lasted for about six months until I finally moved out of state and started entirely over in a new place where I knew no one and therefore had no way of getting drugs. I have now been sober for four years.) I know what it's like to harbor this kind of addiction and I know how he's feeling right now. I also know what it's like to have a family member who is an addict and how absolutely gut-wrenching it is to think about them living that kind of life. I've lived both sides of the addiction coin.

With all that being said, you need to give him an ultimatum as soon as possible. He needs to go to treatment or risk losing you and your children. There's no way around it. It simply isn't safe for any of you to be around him in this state. Unfortunately recovery won't be achieved unless he genuinely wants it but people often hit bottom and seek help once they're given strict ultimatums. Once they have incentive to clean up they're all the likelier to get sober.

Know that how he's acting is only temporary and it's because of the drugs. If he's acting detached it's not because he doesn't care, it's because the drugs have numbed him. It's also because he probably experiences withdrawals when he runs out of heroin and that will send even the most sensible people into downright depression and rage.

Also know that it's entirely possible for him to sober up. Don't leave him just yet. You absolutely need to support him right now but be firm with him. You guys need to get him into treatment as soon as possible if he's to have a chance at getting better. Another thing that will help is educating yourself. Here are some links you should read up on:

http://www.treatmentsolutions.com/understanding-the-drug-addict/ (A brief summary about understanding drug addicts; this site also has links to treatment centers.)
http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/teaching-packets/underst (Scientific explanations for drug addiction as well as information on how addiction affects a person's mind and body.)
http://www.everydayhealth.com/addiction/drug-alcohol-withdrawal-and-detox.aspx (Understanding withdrawal from addiction.)

If you need anymore information or simply someone to talk to you can always message me. Like I said, I've lived through addiction both first and secondhand. I also majored in psychology in college in order to pursue a career in addiction therapy. I've worked at one facility and plan to further my education and work experience in this field once my son is older. I know A LOT about addiction, especially addiction to opiates. I mention this because I want you to know that if you need anything you can message me.

It's not impossible for him to get better. Good luck.

You did nothing to cause it! How long have you guys been married? Do you know how long this problem has been going on? You had absolutely no idea?

This is freaky to me because my SO always jokes about heroin, and I'm like "how crazy would it be one day if you turned around and told me you were addicted to heroin."

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kennedi's Momma:</b>" I hate drugs with a passion."</blockquote>

Me too! So much so that I despise weed and am even very conscious about what prescription medications I will take, according to how necessary it is to my health.

Heard from him in text last night, still hasn't asked about his kids, said he doesn't want treatment or counseling and doesn't want to be with me and there is no way we can fix our marriage. Im glad i heard from him but not happy with the news i received.

Oan, went to the doctor today baby is okay and has strong heart rate, but she thinks im going back into pre e from all the high blood pressure. Went and got blood drawn to screen for everything again to make sure in case he caught something i didn't, also picked up my pee jug.