i need discipline advice..

i have a question.
what do you do to discipline your kids? like if they're not listening to you. or throwing temper tantrums. talking back to you?

my kids are 3 almost 4. and 1 almost 2. so i get that they are still little. but my 3 year old clearly knows when she is doing something wrong. it's like, she'll do it, and immediately say "oops. sorry" like that's going to make it okay for her to do it. also. i have a HARD time with her NOT listening to me. mainly because we live with my parents. and if i say something she doesn't like. she runs to my mom or dad. and they have a habit of undermining me. saying oh its okay. :/ i've tried to talk to my parents about it. but it's like. they don't freakin care. my dad's thing is "i'm YOUR dad. so i can still tell YOU what to do" as in, he'll tell me how to talk to my kids or discipline them. and whatnot. and it pisses me off so bad! but it's like, we don't really have a choice but to live with them right now.

mainly because DH can't pay rent by himself. i'm not working much bc of school. and it's less financial stress on us. also, my parents are there to help me with the kids when i need to study. i just hate the fact they act like my kids parents. and that they are in charge.

and i know part of that is MY FAULT. because i was only 17 when i had my first. i was still a kid. so essentially, my parents felt like they HAD to help me take care of them on a parenting basis as well. they've never had a normal grandparent/grandkid relationship.

i just feel like a complete failure that i can't get my kids to respect me enough to know that I am in charge, and they need to listen to me..

now, with DH, they KNOW he's in charge. and it just.. idk, makes me feel bad that they don't see me that way. i mean, i'm their mom..

anyways. i've done time outs. taken their toys away when they're being mean with them. even spanked their hands to tell them no. and occasionally spanked their bottoms. and it just doesn't go through. it's like, they KNOW as soon as my parents get home, they can do whatever. and no matter how many times i tell them no. and raise my voice to tell them no or to stop. they don't care. and especially when i try to spank them and put them in time out, my parents flip the smurf out. and my mom will be pissed off at me :/

i just don't know what to do..

apparently what i'm doing isn't working..

so how do you discipline your kids? i need to try new things to get them to listen to me. and not just run to my parents whenever they don't get what they want..

If you have someone undermining you, that makes it way harder than it should be. My daughter is 3 and she doesn't listen or acknowledge me when I'm talking to her. So I will get down and hold both her hands when I am talking to her so she cant ignore me. Sometimes she still looks at the ceiling or looks away   but at least I KNOW she heard me.

I use time outs if she is violent to her little brother. I repeat myself a lot, lol.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" If you have someone undermining you, that makes it way harder than it should be. My daughter is 3 and ... [snip!] ...   but at least I KNOW she heard me. I use time outs if she is violent to her little brother. I repeat myself a lot, lol."

i know my parents undermining me is what affects this. and it's like, i try to talk to them. and they dont give a smurf. or get pissed off when i say something. so then the next time, i'm usually an ass about it. and end up raising my voice to them bc they piss me off. they want my respect. but they don't respect the way i want to parent my kids. IDK. maybe i'm just stubborn and hard headed like my dad. but i don't let anyone walk all over me. even if it is my parents. and i WILL voice my opinion to them.

but in the end, they don't care. and they dont listen to what i want. i mean. they should NOT get pissed off when i put them in time out for being physically mean to one another. or when i spank them..

i also get down on their level and talk to them. with my baby, it's a little harder. bc i know she doesn't quite understand yet. but my oldest KNOWS.

it just frustrates me so much that my parents can't step back and let me parent my own kids...

Fyou need to get your kids attention and have them listen to you and not run tou your parents to get what they want, or you will have this issue for a while.

I know, I live at home with my 10 yr old and 4 yr old and my 9 month old girls. lol

My 4 yr old and 10 yr old often write lines, 1 line per age. Like if they talk back or hit eachother etc.....Thery sit at the table and write.

I will not talk back to my mom or grandma etc....
I will not hit my sister etc....

It works really well for us.

They do time outs at the table, or in their bedrooms, or get grounded from tv computer outside etc......for the night or two days if needed to even my 4 yr old.

They get their toys taken away usually at least 3-4 days at a time, if it comes to throwing toys around at eachother or whatever.


For the really little one's I would continue doing time outs being really consitant with them. Getting down on all the kids eye levels and talking in a firm stern voice and refrain from yelling at them even more so from another room.

Telling your parents that when you tell them no to something not to over rule your what you say, they are yopur kids no matter what and everyone needs to be on the same dicipline page.

Quoting Coupon Lady:" Fyou need to get your kids attention and have them listen to you and not run tou your parents to get ... [snip!] ... not to over rule your what you say, they are yopur kids no matter what and everyone needs to be on the same dicipline page."

i guess i just need to sit my parents down. and have a REAL talk. like one where it's not the heat of the moment anger talking to one another. because i care about my kids. but i want them to know I am in charge. and yes, when i'm gone and theyre with my parents, THEN my parents are in charge. but when i'm home, you have to come ask ME. KWIM? it's just frustrating.. i know my parents mean well. they're really loving to my kids. and do so much for us. BUT i feel they need to respect me as a parent and be on the same page with me as far as parenting goes.

for instance, i do not give my kids soda. i don't want them to have it. my parents know this, but when i'm gone to work (when they watch them for me bc i work weekends) they will give them chips and soda for breakfast. smurfing breakfast. KNOWING i don't want them to have sodas. like why can't they just NOT give them soda? that's not hard. there is plenty of milk and water for them to have. the other day when i was getting them ready for school, my mom was home, and peyton (my oldest) went into the kitchen and told my mom she was hungry. know what my mom gave her? CHIPS. :/ at 730 in the smurfing morning. and peyton was hiding from me bc she knew i wouldn't have done that. when i found out, i told peyton no. no more chips. we don't eat chips for breakfast. she got upset and my mom was like "it's ok. i gave them to her" and i said. no it's not okay. we DO NOT eat chips for breakfast.

i pissed her off and she went into her room. IDGAF. she's not going to constantly feed my kids junk... UGH!

blockquote>Quoting Coupon Lady:" Fyou need to get your kids attention and have them listen to you and not run tou your parents to get ... [snip!] ... not to over rule your what you say, they are yopur kids no matter what and everyone needs to be on the same dicipline page."
writing lines... never thought of that. I think that's a good idea.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" blockquote>Quoting Coupon Lady:" Fyou need to get your kids attention and have them listen to you and ... [snip!] ... what and everyone needs to be on the same dicipline page." writing lines... never thought of that. I think that's a good idea."

Yup its good for dicipline and education. lol My 4 yr old is an amazing printer, she has been writing lines since 3 yrs old. lol

Quoting Chim Richalds:" blockquote>Quoting Coupon Lady:" Fyou need to get your kids attention and have them listen to you and ... [snip!] ... what and everyone needs to be on the same dicipline page." writing lines... never thought of that. I think that's a good idea."

haha yeah. when my kids are old enough to write, i'm going to keep this in mind. peyton is just now learning how to write her letters. and they aren't good enough yet. haha so it'll be a few more years before i can do this! but i think it'll be great!

Quoting Coupon Lady:" Yup its good for dicipline and education. lol My 4 yr old is an amazing printer, she has been writing lines since 3 yrs old. lol"

see, my 3 almost 4 year old can't write letters at all right now   but, she knows her alphabet like no other. and can spell her name. and is starting to sound out words and knowing how to spell them based on their sounds. but the writing isn't there yet. i'm hoping it'll get there.

this is her first year in daycare. so she has learned a lot already. and we are only half way through the year.

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" see, my 3 almost 4 year old can't write letters at all right now   but, she knows her alphabet like ... [snip!] ... get there. this is her first year in daycare. so she has learned a lot already. and we are only half way through the year."

yes, all kids are different she will get there forsure when she is ready. lol
Mine was in daycare for 4 yrs and just started kindergarten this yr, she was 4 in July.

Quoting Coupon Lady:" yes, all kids are different she will get there forsure when she is ready. lol Mine was in daycare for 4 yrs and just started kindergarten this yr, she was 4 in July."

yeah. i've been lucky that i haven't had to put them in daycare until now. and lucky with how much my oldest already knew before going to school. her teacher says she is the smartest one in the class   and already knows her shapes and colors and alphabet, when other kids are just now learning it. and she also knows colors and numbers in spanish.

i tried to teach her. bc i didn't want her to be behind. and it makes me happy to know she is doing so well in school.!

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" yeah. i've been lucky that i haven't had to put them in daycare until now. and lucky with how much ... [snip!] ... i tried to teach her. bc i didn't want her to be behind. and it makes me happy to know she is doing so well in school.!"

Reminds me, I didnt think of this earlier since it was a long time ago since we did it. lol

But why dont you make a rule list of things you want to enforce for your kids, and get your parents to make one as well, and see where you guys are at. And go from there.

Like if you say no junk if they didnt complete their dinner, but gramma always does it anyways etc...then write it down and vice versa, maybe you are ok with them jumping on the couch but they dont like it etc....(just examples)

Then you guys can sit down and discuss it together, and maybe come to an agrement on those things.

Then you can tell them that when you are not home that what you agreed on is what is going to happen. Like no soda and junk, but maybe if you know that they will anyways come to a agreement that if the kids are good and your parents are following through withh what you want done dicipline wise, that on that 1 day they watch the kids you will look the other way on 1/2 cup of soda (if you can deal with it) lol cause if they are going to do it behind your back anyways, maybe let them but put a limit on it.

I know its sounds silly because its your kids and all, but our own parents dont see it that way. lol

Quoting Coupon Lady:" Reminds me, I didnt think of this earlier since it was a long time ago since we did it. lol But why ... [snip!] ... but put a limit on it. I know its sounds silly because its your kids and all, but our own parents dont see it that way. lol"

thank you! i will try that! i dont want to butt heads with my parents anymore...

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" thank you! i will try that! i dont want to butt heads with my parents anymore..."

Np. I am 29 and butt heads with my parents over my parenting, but they do know I am the final say in everything. lol