Found texts on his phone...

Ok so I will explain the situation as best I can. My DH's friend started seeing a woman almost a year ago now, she was Married with 2 children and she was having an affair with my DH's friend and a couple of other guys at the same time. She was so in your face about the affairs she would actually take these men into her House and introduce them to her Husband as her "band mates". Anyway fast forward a little while she eventually walked out on her Husband and 2 children to move in with my DH's friend. She had only known him for a matter of months. With all that information and also a lot of things my DH's friend had happened to say about her in front of us we pretty much came to the conclusion she sounded like she was just the type to sleep around and have affairs with anyone and before long she would be cheating on DH's friend.

Skip forward to last night and I had to text my MIL to arrange something with her but I hadn't yet saved her new number. I remembered she had text my DH from her new number so of course I just automatically pick up his phone and go into his texts to get it (this is not an issue, we don't ever "check" each others phones but we have been together 10 years and are quite comfortable with each others things and would really think nothing to get a number from each others phone or answer each others phones, etc) Well I spot this number that isn't saved and you can see the first few words just on the screen and it said "Morning, it's Ashley...." (not her real name, I changed it.) so of course curiousity got the better of me and I clicked on it and it brought up the whole history of messages. It turns out it is Ashley,this woman! The entire message went along the lines of "Mornin, it's Ashley. Someone whispered in my ear that you are a pretty good bass player and you can play RHCP, I didn't know you were a rockstar. Ooooooh sexy dark little horse aren't you. You will need to invite me over for a private show one time ;) xxxx" I check the entire history and it seems like his friend has text him one time from her phone about 10 months ago because he didn't have any free messages left and she has saved MY DH number. Now what has continued on from then is her texting my DH every 2-3 week's between 8-9am trying to start random conversations with him about pointless stuff. I can see my DH doesn't reply to them and only once did he reply and that is when she had been over at our house with my DH friend visiting and she has text him very early in the morning asking what the gorgeous smell was in the house. He replied telling her the brand and scent of the plug in we use and then she has replied straight away trying to start a conversation with him, to which he didn't reply.

Now this woman has only met my DH twice, briefly when she has been over at the house with DH's friend so it's not like she even knows him. She is a lot older than us, we are in our mid 20's and she is late 30's. As stated before she has a reputation for cheating with various men and doesn't seem to have any boundaries. You see my issue isn't with DH, I trust him 100% and we are very honest with each other and trusting and it is clear to see he can't even be bothered with this woman but it appears like she just won't take the hint. These messages have been sent for around 9 months now, every 2-3 week's and she just seems so desperate to start a conversation with him. Also the most recent one as you can see she has decided to step it up a notch and what has annoyed me also is she has started it with "Mornin, it's Ashley" I'm thinking yes he knows it's you!! It's not like he isn't replying because he wasn't aware who was sending the messages and now you've announced it he is going to swoop in like an Eagle, no no he is simply ignoring you, take the hint you sad desperate woman!!

I'm now at a loss as to what to do and it has been getting to me ever since. As I said I'm not worried about DH, he hasn't done anything wrong but I feel like I want to say something, anything to him because I am so annoyed with this woman!!

Do you think I should just keep this to myself because I know DH is handling it in his own way or do you think I should tell him I know because this woman just doesn't seem to be taking the hint and has now stepped it up?  

I would say nothing about it he's handling it and doing nothing wrong just let it be.

You could bring it up, but I wouldn't worry too much. IMO.

If your DH though this was something he should hide, he would have deleted the messages to try and keep it a secret. He would have also replied


What you should do, is get her number..call her and bitch her out. Totally inappropriate

I would just tell him that you saw the messages and that this woman keep annoying you with them even though he doesn't reply to them. Then you need to tell her to stop texting his phone. Once you tell her to stop texting him and she doesn't you can actually press harassment charges against her. One way or another make her stop. Tell him to text her and give her the message to leave him alone bc it is him she is texting. The police won't do anything if it is you wanting her to stop. They will tell you he has to tell her to stop because it's his phone. But I would go from there. He may be handling it the only way he knows how but he needs to know how it's making you feel.

If you see that he is handling it I see no problem with it.Thats good of him!But if you guys are honest to each other why didn't he tell you about this woman sending him messages?

<blockquote><b>Quoting GrumpsMama.:</b>" You could bring it up, but I wouldn't worry too much. IMO. If your DH though this was something he should ... [snip!] ... secret. He would have also replied What you should do, is get her number..call her and bitch her out. Totally inappropriate "</blockquote>




 

I would step in. She's completely inappropriate

I have the same relationship with my DH, and just had a similar situation, only on his FB. I wont go into all the details. She hasnt said anything disrespectful, but she is definately riding a thin line. My DH also just ignores her. I saw it, and I said something to him about it. Not saying anything bad to him, because it isnt his fault, but just to vent because it is really annoying lol. He was totally cool about it, and told me not to let it bother me, because he never talks to her anyways. Well of course its going to bother me, but I felt much better after talking to him about it. I would talk to your SO about it. I'm sure you will feel much better afterwards.

Quoting GrumpsMama.:" You could bring it up, but I wouldn't worry too much. IMO. If your DH though this was something he should ... [snip!] ... secret. He would have also replied What you should do, is get her number..call her and bitch her out. Totally inappropriate "

I would. I mean if it only happened once or twice and he handled it who cares, but what shes's doing is too much for me..

Sounds like you have a good man on your hands. If you say something, he may think you don't trust him. The skank is trashy as hell. Congrats for getting one of the good ones op. I'll be the first to say that I don't trust my so that much lol, I'm jealous.

Quoting Mrs cree:" I would say nothing about it he's handling it and doing nothing wrong just let it be."

its ture. he is ignoring her which is great!


he could just block her number and she cant text him any more

Quoting Michael Myers:" I would. I mean if it only happened once or twice and he handled it who cares, but what shes's doing is too much for me.."

I agree

I mean I would mention it to him, just that you saw it. But I wouldn't be upset and I wouldn't get involved. He is obviously handling it appropriately and just doesn't want to cause any drama. If I were you I would just mention that you saw it when you were retreiving you mil's new number. Let him know you're not upset with him but you do know what she's been saying and you're not comfortable with it, but that you are not blaming him and the two of you do not have a problem.

I asked one of my friends what she thought and she said to take the number and call her and ask her what she thinks she is doing exactly but I do not want to involve myself because then it might give her the idea that she is actually a threat and she is not. I think it's best that it comes from him and then it is clear to her that it is him that is not interested, any normal person would have taken the hint after all this time of being ignored but she hasn't  


He wouldn't have told me about this because although we are trusting and honest he knows my previous reactions. Quite a few years ago now a girl started appearing at his shows (he plays bass in a band) and would be down the front all the time and she ended up adding him on Facebook which plenty of people do so that is not unusual but she was constantly messaging him trying to get with him and he obviously just showed me the messages and asked me for advice on how to handle her. It was a mistake because I of course went into "Protect my family!!" mode, tracked down her address fairly quickly and appeared at her door and went absolutely crazy and was given a warning by the Police. So yes he would know not to tell me, that is probably why I am needing to vent just now because my nature is to lose it and I'm trying to remain very calm  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Soon 2B Mom of 2:</b>" I have the same relationship with my DH, and just had a similar situation, only on his FB. I wont go ... [snip!] ... much better after talking to him about it. I would talk to your SO about it. I'm sure you will feel much better afterwards."</blockquote>




Yes seems like a very similar situation and it is good you were able to talk to your SO about it. I just feel very conflicted because I know he is ignoring her but at the same time I just want to say to him and just discuss it like we discuss and share normally