Okay, so my SO is trying to get a new job, and he's 'basically' got one (he's waiting on some stuff to go through).

but he JUST told me last night that it may be 3rd shift. And that bothered me.

He currently works as a manager at McDonalds and they don't have a set overnight shift manager, so all the managers have to take turns. Well when he has to work overnight
1) I can't sleep,
2) He's a jerk the next day because he's tired.

and it hurts our relationship. We constantly fight. We both have reasonably short tempers and his is waaaaay shorter when he hasn't slept, and I'm just afraid that if he gets a job that's solely 3rd shift, he will never sleep, and I won't ever get help with DD. (let alone help around the house)

I guess it just bothers me that he didn't tell me the entire time he was going through the applying process and just recently dropped it on me. Am I being stupid?

Well, do you need the extra money? Sometimes in this economy, you have to take what's offered.

I can understand it bugging you some about him not telling you right away, but hey a job is a job. In this economy you have to do what you have to do.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" Well, do you need the extra money? Sometimes in this economy, you have to take what's offered."

not really. we're doing just fine.

I mean we don't have thousands of dollars in savings, but we're not lacking for anything.

Yes you are. He is bringing in money. Change isn't always great but you will learn to manage.

No you're not. My DH just took a night job and honestly, it sucks. He thought it was going to be the best thing because of the money, but it's SO stressful, for BOTH of us. He left a really good job and he's only been on this night shift for two months and he's going to his old job tomorrow morning to try to get his old job back. He works four nights a week Mon-Thurs from 7pm to whenever. He never gets off at the same time, so he has to leave her at 6pm and doesn't get home until between 5am and 8am the next morning, then he sleeps damn near all day, so we never see each other and when he DOES get up he's still tired and sore and cranky, so we can't get any real quality time in during the week.

I wish he had never left his other job.

Why doesn't he sleep during the day when he gets off?

Everyone commenting about the money, unless he's currently jobless (which he's not) or they're really hurting for money, the money isn't going to matter if it smurfs up their marriage. We thought my DH taking this job would be great because it was more money, but the stress is killing us and honestly the money doesn't make up for it.

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" No you're not. My DH just took a night job and honestly, it sucks. He thought it was going to be the ... [snip!] ... tired and sore and cranky, so we can't get any real quality time in during the week. I wish he had never left his other job."

this is exactly what i'm afraid will happen.

Quoting Sierra94:" not really. we're doing just fine. I mean we don't have thousands of dollars in savings, but we're not lacking for anything."

I think you're somewhat overreacting. You guys should probably stop being dicks to each other when you're tired and so on. It's something that's going to happen regardless of a night shift job. No, I'm not saying you ARE a dick, just an expression.

What if something happened to SO? Do you have enough saved to live on while he's recovering? Do you have enough saved for another vehicle if yours dies? It's always good to have a little something extra set back. He doesn't have to work the second job forever, but setting up a nest egg is a good idea, IMO.

Quoting Blythe.:" Why doesn't he sleep during the day when he gets off?"

its not the same. He doesn't sleep well on a normal basis, plus we have a 2 month old, and she isn't quiet very often, so that doesn't help.

Quoting Sierra94:" this is exactly what i'm afraid will happen."

I mean, there are a lot of couples that deal with this and it works just fine, but if you have the choice not to, then I wouldn't do it.

I've posted about our situation on here several times and the majority of women who's partners work nights have the same problems I do.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" I think you're somewhat overreacting. You guys should probably stop being dicks to each other when you're ... [snip!] ... little something extra set back. He doesn't have to work the second job forever, but setting up a nest egg is a good idea, IMO."

We have some money in savings, and I do have a job as well.

I guess it just mainly bothers me that he didn't tell me it would be overnights until he was basically guaranteed the job.

i think you are.
my husband works from 6 pm to 6 am.
when he comes home he sleeps, i don't bother him or wake him up.
he needs to sleep or else he will be exhausted.
trust when he started that shift, it sucked.
i would freak out being at home at night with both of my kids alone.
and i wanted to spend time with him too.

but he is bringing in the money.

My DH is a jerk when he doesn't get enough sleep. He's military, so his schedule is usually daytime, but he'll have a random night or weekend thrown in every couple of weeks that really screws up his body's rhythms and messes us all up. Its a pain in the butt.

HOWEVER, when he just goes to a set 3rd shift (every couple of months he'll have a month of working nights), it only takes a week or so before he's on the night-shift schedule and he does fine. Its the transition that kills!

So, it depends on your DH and how quickly he adjusts. We've always been able to figure out how to make it work.