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I think you're giving him more credit than he deserves.
I would never ever ever put up with that, even the first time.

the online dating site is bullsmurf, that would have been it for me, but the adult sites sounds like normal guy stuff to me, SO downloads porn onto his phone then every once in awhile has me go and delete it off his phone. we have a very open relationship though, we have the passwords to each others facebooks and emails.

Wait was this time just porn or another dating/ chat site?

Talking to someone on a dating site is unacceptable...

as for the subscription to an adult site? what you mean porn? or something like smurfbuddyfinder.com (no idea if that's real)??..


Personally I never found it an issue for an SO to watch porn...but going the next step is another story

Even if you believe he would never do anything physical with these women, he's still cheating. Emotionally. IMO he does need an ultimatum. Think about this for a minute. If you didn't, this would be the second time he's been caught without really any repercussion. What's to stop him from doing it again? How many times can you let a person cheat before enough is enough?

I understand at first he was on a dating site and talking to other women and that is completely unacceptable but I don't understand what you have now found. Is it just porn or is he communicating with women again?

Quoting Peppa pig:" Talking to someone on a dating site is unacceptable... as for the subscription to an adult site? what ... [snip!] ... if that's real)??.. Personally I never found it an issue for an SO to watch porn...but going the next step is another story"

I don't have an issue with watching porn. My issue is that they are adult sites with porn but you can also send messages to people etc. With the dating site, it was basically the same thing. And he showed me the messages from the first time it came up and it was basically him asking for pictures. That is the only reason why I think this is more of an addiction issue then a cheating issue. Neither is fine with me, but I guess I am willing to take it to this point for the sake of my family. I've already decided if it turns into a huge yelling contest or him not being willing to actually do something about it then I am done. I refuse to continue living my life with someone who wants to do nothing to improve theirs.

Quoting xTJ:" I understand at first he was on a dating site and talking to other women and that is completely unacceptable ... [snip!] ... unacceptable but I don't understand what you have now found. Is it just porn or is he communicating with women again?"

It's like a porn site but you can message people. I checked to see if there were any sent messages which there weren't, but there were other messages however they were all marked unread. I didn't even know there was such a thing, never the less I'm not OK with something like that.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brynn's Mommy (::</b>" It's like a porn site but you can message people. I checked to see if there were any sent messages which ... [snip!] ... they were all marked unread. I didn't even know there was such a thing, never the less I'm not OK with something like that."</blockquote>


Maybe he signed up for it once and then never went back/ forgot about it?

Either way he should feel remorseful and be willing to give you his passwords and go to counseling with you.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" Even if you believe he would never do anything physical with these women, he's still cheating. Emotionally. ... [snip!] ... any repercussion. What's to stop him from doing it again? How many times can you let a person cheat before enough is enough?"

I agree 100%. I'm not alright with any of this. IMO you are engaged to me by your choice. No one pressured you. Everything was by his choice. Therefore he either needs to step up to the plate and deal with what the hell has been going on or he can do all that crap as much as he wants and I will not be around. I feel like I need to bring someone else into the situation such as a counselor etc because now someone else is aware of what he is doing right now it's just me.

Are these accounts on dating sites he's been using? My SO has accounts from before me that he still gets junk mail from, but he never uses them.

Quoting ☮Scarlet Begonia:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Brynn's Mommy (::</b>" It's like a porn site but you can message ... [snip!] ... forgot about it? Either way he should feel remorseful and be willing to give you his passwords and go to counseling with you."

I'm not sure. I feel bad for snooping through his stuff once it was left up on the computer but at the same time I don't. His email did still have the email from when he signed up which was in September. So I'm not sure if he actually used it or not, but either way I feel like it's something that shouldn't be kept behind my back. I think I'm going to sit down with him and have him delete the sites in front of me and then go from there.

Quoting Rd.:" Are these accounts on dating sites he's been using? My SO has accounts from before me that he still gets junk mail from, but he never uses them."

The two that I found today which were like porn sites, he opened in September. So unfortunately they weren't from before we met. The first one I found a few weeks ago was from before we knew each other, but he started using it again to try to get pictures from women. When I found out he did delete himself from the page.

If he's on a porn site then i dont think you need a counseler, but if he is on a male site seeking other woman then i think you should move out and find a counseler to talk to alone then you and your counseler discuss couples counseling, because if he is on site talking to woman he dosn't have an "issue" he's just been caught cheating, again..