2 year old and tantrums. PLEASE HELP!! Long.

my almost 2 year old, as much as I love her, is so so so difficult. She literally drains me. Her tantrums are intense. I know a lot of times, especially at that age, they can't communicate with us so they get upset. But that's not the case here - Madi's speech is pretty advance. She can speak in 4-6 word sentences, huge vocab, and she speaks clear. I ask her why she's crying and she'll tell me why or say "Cuz you so mean to me" or "Me don't like you mommy".
I DREAD bedtime. First of all, she won't go to bed by herself. So I co-sleep. Madi has to be touching me for her to sleep otherwise she'll scream and cry. She won't go to bed until at least 10. Then she'll sleep for an hour or two and then she'll wake up (around midnight) and then she'll start throwing tantrums until 3am. She'll cry because the room is dark. She'll tell me she can ghosts and dragons and wants the light on. If I don't, she'll throw another one. Then she asks for water..over and over again. If I don't, she'll throw another one. If the blanket is on her, she'll thrown one, if the blanket isn't on her, she'll throw another one. I say the wrong thing and she'll throw another one. This will seriously last about 2-3 hours.

She's independent and wants to do things on her own and she's the sweetest girl ever (she tells me all the time that mommy is her best friend), but her tantrums are killing me and so is her wanting to sleep on me. She HAS to be sleeping on my arm with not even an inch of space between us. Oh, and I have to hold her most of the time too when we're out and about too.

The thing is.. she's not like this with anyone else. Her dad (we share custody) thinks I'm exaggerating because he puts both kids down to sleep at 830, he tells them good night, shuts the light, and they go to bed. No problem. Same with babysitters. She'll throw a few tantrums with him and never with babysitters. People have told me that she acts differently as soon as she sees me. And she acts so needy (even tho she's independent)..like she'll die without me. If I try to do things with my 3 year old (playing with him, hold him, cuddle), she'll throw another tantrum. She wants me to focus on her 1000% ..

Why is she acting like this? This has been going on for a couple months now. It's getting worse. And what can I do to make my life (and hers) easier...esp at bedtime?

The only way it'll get better is if you start making her go to bed on her own and not giving into having her sleep with you or holding her all the time. She knows she can get away with it with you and takes advantage of that. Just try to get her use to sleeping without you, try reading stories before bed time and make it more a enjoyable thing and not so frustrating. I know routine really helped tons with my daughter taking a bath at night and going to bed at the same time every night go her into a routine and she knew it was bed time. I never co slept with her though and have always been strict on having her sleep in her own bed. Good luck to you!

My son was sort of like this. I finally said your sleeping in your own bed & for 3 nights he SCREAMED & by the 4th night he was a little better, the 5th he really only whinned. And after about a week he was in his own bed not making a peep. I also had to cut out naps durong.the day to make sure he was good & tired so he would sleep through the night. Also a full belly helped & I would let him sleep with his "sippy" beside him incase he woke up & needed some water

She does it because you give in.

Stop giving in and she'll stop doing it. You are giving her control.

Be firm. Be consistent.

I start their routines at 7:30ish. And they go to bed by 8:30. The 3 year sleeps, but the 2 year old won't. She will sit there and scream for a long time. So one night, I just wanted her to go to her bed. So I let her scream. I felt bad, but I thought maaaybe she'll tire herself out. Nope. Didn't happen. It was close to midnight and she was still throwing tantrums.
I do try to make bedtime fun. I even bought her a Hello Kitty bed set (she's obsessed) and bought new books and the whole 9 yards. The 3 year old got excited....her.. not so much.

My son was like that. I finally had just had enough and at about 18-20 months I put him in his own bed and that was that. It was a miserable couple of nights, but we're both better for it.

Quoting P Pickle Pants:" She does it because you give in. Stop giving in and she'll stop doing it. You are giving her control. Be firm. Be consistent."

Oh, I know I created a monster. I just recently quit my a job a few days ago, but at the time, I had to get up at 345 in the morning to get the kids ready (on the days I worked) and work a 13 hour shift..so it was easier to just give in, ya know? Esp if I managed to get her in bed by 10 and she wakes up at 2 screaming. And the other part of me is overcompensating for the fact that I can't be there with the kids every night. I know I kinda screwed myself. lol.

It's not even the bedtime issue..it's just her tantrums are out of control ONLY with me.
And they say that 3's are harder than 2's. IDK how I'm going to survive her.