Quoting Tara - Anya's mommy:" We found out today that a very good friend of ours died unexpectedly, and we just found out he took his ... [snip!] ... but I didn't know it was this bad, I just wish he would have reached out to us. I don't even begin to know how to process this."
it is honestly a very long and hard process. my cousin took his life in 2001 at the age of 15. it still effects me today, however it does get easier, and it has opened a new perspective to me on peoples feelings (not saying i didnt care, but now there are better signs to look for i didnt see as a threat then... granted i was 12) however, it just takes time :/ but you will feel better. the "what could i have done" or "why?" will always be there, but with time you learn to deal with those unanswered questions more and more. :/
im so sorry for your loss momma