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Quoting ~*Icat*~:" How much time would you say to do the following: play with the children would you consider supervising ... [snip!] ... as possible, of what I could put in my own job description. and yea, i consider BG "parenting education time"  "

I don't know, I personally think that every room in the house shouldn't take more than 10 minutes to clean if you clean it every day. Even if the kids come tornado behind you with toys and food, clean it up the next day. No biggy.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" yea, i don't save anything for my husband, other than heavy lifting. His main responsibilities are garbage, ... [snip!] ... just explode thinking I don't do enough. So now im just trying to figure out what I SHOULD be doing. As detailed as possible"

I'd just sit down with him and ask him what is most important to him.That helped me a lot.I felt like I was pulled in too many directions, and I needed to really refocus on what he felt mattered. That helps me feel more "free", if you will.I now know what to focus on, and if the rest isn't perfect.....oh well. Life happens.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" yea, i don't save anything for my husband, other than heavy lifting. His main responsibilities are garbage, ... [snip!] ... just explode thinking I don't do enough. So now im just trying to figure out what I SHOULD be doing. As detailed as possible"

Then he's in the wrong, IMO. Just because he works doesn't mean he shouldn't come home and be a parent.

Quoting Jas ♥:" Whoa, I think you're taking it too seriously. As a SAHM, I'm on my own time. I don't have a schedule. ... [snip!] ... cleaning I need to do during the day (floors, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc). Its all about time management, not schedules."

I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. Should all cleaning be done "as needed"? Because if so, we have parts of our house that are kind of always in turmoil. I don't even bother trying to clean the living room before the boys go to bed, because that's where they are all day. But we do have some stuff stacked up in the kitchen that need to go different places. I suppose part of my job would be to get that stuff to where it needs to go.


I just took our argument really seriously. It kind of hurt my feelings that he thinks I don't do enough, ya know?

So, it makes me think....should I be vacuuming three times a week, or more as needed? Should the kitchen be wiped down daily? or as needed? Should the laundry be constantly kept up to date? or is it ok for it to get a bit backed up....

I feel like I don't know what he expects.

I tried talking to him about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head.

Quoting Jas ♥:" Then he's in the wrong, IMO. Just because he works doesn't mean he shouldn't come home and be a parent."

that was my mindset until this disagreement. Now I feel like he gets no time off, and its because I'm doing something wrong. I just have to figure it out.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. ... [snip!] ... about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head."

I vacuum a couple times a week, kitchen counters get wiped down a couple times a day...just because they get dirty. Laundry is never caught up in my house. Theres 6 of us and that smurf piles up too smurfing fast.
I dont like toys in my living room. My kids play in their rooms with their toys. My youngest is 3 though and I dont feel the need to be up her ass all day. She entertains herself for the most part and likes to be left alone. I take advantage of that and clean. Or she will help me clean.
My boys help after school with things too. They sweep, do the dishwasher, switch laundry....the joys of older kids  
Yes I am a SAHM and could easily do everything myself, but I want my kids to know how to clean so when they get older and are out on their own they can do it. My oldest is 11 and is starting to cook things on his own. Blows me away when I think about it really

Quoting Patti.:" I vacuum a couple times a week, kitchen counters get wiped down a couple times a day...just because ... [snip!] ... their own they can do it. My oldest is 11 and is starting to cook things on his own. Blows me away when I think about it really"

I totally agree on having kids help, there's no reason not to.My kids make their bed (I am helping my 2 year old learn how.) and then they help do a chore each morning, and evening. I'm not raising lazy kids.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. ... [snip!] ... about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head."

I think you should do things as needed. He needs to remember you're a stay at home parent, not a maid. My living room is a little messy right now but this is where we spend out time. All bedrooms and bathrooms are spotless. No one is ever up there unless we are sleeping or decide to hang out in my room. He can't expect to come home and for the house to be COMPLETELY spotless. That's not going to happen when you have small children.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. ... [snip!] ... about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head."

Like I said 10 minutes per room a day and it shouldn't take long at all. You do your first big deep clean and you keep up with it after that, do a deep clean once a week.
For me the living room, kitchen, and the my bedroom have to be clean or else I lose my smurf. My SO has been off work for 3 weeks and has done nothing. And I have been at school or work until 5:30, then I have to come home and wash dishes to make supper, bathe the kids, put them to bed, and between being exhausted and falling asleep standing up I have to find time for homework. I lost my smurf yesterday about my SO not doing what he needs to be doing.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" that was my mindset until this disagreement. Now I feel like he gets no time off, and its because I'm doing something wrong. I just have to figure it out."

No, its just what parents do. If you were working, you would have to come home and cook and do basic cleaning. I don't think taking care of his own children is asking too much.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" No, its just what parents do. If you were working, you would have to come home and cook and do basic cleaning. I don't think taking care of his own children is asking too much."</blockquote>




Not all men feel that way, unfortunately.

Quoting the grace life:" I totally agree on having kids help, there's no reason not to.My kids make their bed (I am helping my ... [snip!] ... bed (I am helping my 2 year old learn how.) and then they help do a chore each morning, and evening. I'm not raising lazy kids."

Bed making is one thing Im not picky about. I need to start being though.

Quoting Jude the Super Kinkster:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" No, its just what parents do. If you were ... [snip!] ... think taking care of his own children is asking too much."</blockquote> Not all men feel that way, unfortunately."

Doesn't mean she should be passive about it.

Quoting Patti.:" Bed making is one thing Im not picky about. I need to start being though."

We've honestly just started that one, mostly because it helps kick ME in gear. Mornings aren't my thing, so I need a jumpstart.

The morning chore is usually something easy, "Go around the house and see if you can find trash, if you do, bring it to the trash can..."or something like that. They also clear the table, help me put away laundry, etc. Tuesdays are our only free days now, so it's our big cleaning and grocery shopping day.

I feel like a SAHM gets labelled as doing EVERYTHING for the children and household, which i think is bullsmurf. You're a stay-at-home-MOM... not maid, chef, secretary, ect. First and foremost: take care of the children (feed them, clean them, educate them, interact with them, take them where they need to go, doc appts, ect) Keep the house liveable.. clean enough to live in.. doesnt have to be completely spotless every second of the day (if you have small kids, thats impossible anyways and alot of people go overboard spending HOURS cleaning to try to keep up- ignoring the kids) cook as needed, if you want to cook dinner every night.. so be it, if your husband can a few times a week or you want to eat out.. so be it. If you want to go grocery shopping with the kids and run errands with them- then do it, if its easier as a team or alone once your husband comes home- then do that. Theres no specific "description" that fits EVERYONE unlike a real job. when i say real, i do not mean that being a SAHM isnt a job- i just mean like a cashier/ clerk/ waitress/ bank teller, ect all have a job description that doesnt change much per person...