not sure how to feel

I was at my dads visiting last night, he is taking care of his baby when the phone rings. Its a plattsburgh number. That is where i was born, and lived for a little while with my mom but she moved to albany after my dad got custody 18 years ago. I didnt see her for 16 years and went to visit with logan two years ago, she has a lot of issues so i havent visited since.

anyway thinking she is in albany and we didnt know who would be calling from plattsburgh I answer"hello?"
"Hello Charlene?" (asking if i was dads gf)
"No this is Stephanie, who is this"
"This is Lovedy (my mom-*facepalm*) can I speak to Ron?"
"Sure one second"
Im not sure she realized it was me...
She talked to my dad for two hours, thats the first they have talked in 6 years. She says she is dying, has cancer that cant be chemoed or whatever. she moved to plattsburgh to die, they dont know how long it will be.

Any way Im not sure what to feel. I didnt see her for sixteen years, she is no mom to me. I visited two years ago for the same reason im thinking about visiting now, because although i dont regret not having her in my life i think someday i may...who knows? and also because she has no one. none of her kids, the one husband she loved (my dad) but messed up royally-none of us are in her life. she is now realizing this and is dying sad and alone.
she has a lot of personal flaws and issues she couldnt get over, that ended up in her loosing us children. when we went to visit two years ago, she was overbearingly sad and regretful. kept touching my face, saying "my baby my baby" she would not be able to hold a functional relationship, just keep bringing up the past, blaming my father and stepmother for things that are irrelevant.


if i lost logan i would feel the same way she does...im sure. so i dont want to abandon her. but she is not, has never been a part of my life. i cant play daughter, i cant play this role, im not her baby...
i cant fake it for her. she is just a stranger that i can put myself in her shoes, and i dont want her to die alone.


also, my gramma died of breast cancer, now my mom has renal-something-something cancer, and it moved to her breast.
anyone know the chances i will get it too?

Quoting cunning cuniculi:" I was at my dads visiting last night, he is taking care of his baby when the phone rings. Its a plattsburgh ... [snip!] ... now my mom has renal-something-something cancer, and it moved to her breast. anyone know the chances i will get it too?"

Be there as much as you can emotionally, thats all you can do.

While it sounds like you owe her nothing, I think you would regret her dying alone.

Quoting .Colleen.:" Be there as much as you can emotionally, thats all you can do. While it sounds like you owe her nothing, I think you would regret her dying alone."

i agree.

It's funny. I have thought about similar scenarios many times as I haven't spoken to my birth father in close to fifteen years. I don't hate him simply don't feel anything. I love him out of obligation and the fact that he is my birth father but that's where it ends. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. I guess listen to YOUR heart and do what feels right to YOU. Also, be aware of your family history and make sure your doctors are aware. You should be getting regular mammograms, etc. ((hugs))