Advice & Guidance
posted 3rd Nov
This is the first time I think I've ever posted to a forum before, so apologize ahead of time for being verbose. Looking for some direct, honest perspective on a decision I'm making...whether you are in a similar position as me, or have been through this.
I'm 38...financially stable...good network of friends and close family (but across the coast 3,000 miles away). I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year - we had our share of ups and downs, and I just didn't see myself marrying this man. He has a 3 year old daughter (who I love) and that also was becoming very serious (calling me 'mommy'), and I didn't want to continue knowing I didn't see a future there. He also is going through a lot of personal struggles - divorce, financial issues, out of a job for a year.
A month later, I found out I was pregnant.
I am 6 weeks - not been to my initial ultrasound yet (next week), and have made an appointment for an abortion (also next week). I have also not told the father yet. I can't get past whether or not I really want (and should) have this child right now, and if I don't feel I can, will i be able to emotionally handle the aftermath of abortion.
I've never "dreamed" of children...always been married (and mother) to my work. I've slowed down the last 3 months...started my own business, which is getting off the ground and giving me more flexibility. Also looking to buy a home, give my current four-legged child a better place to roam. Lots of plans ...and this unexpected news changes all that.
Questions I'm struggling with:
Am I being irresponsible by choosing abortion when I could take care of this child and I have a "man" whom I don't love, but loves me and I'm sure would love the kid.
If I have the abortion, will I be able to handle the aftermath? How will it feel?
I feel a moral obligation to tell the father if I do abort...is that normal?
How will it feel 2 years down the road, when I find the guy I love, marry and we want kids...and I can't.
I realize I'm putting myself out there, and hope that responses are respectful. Just going through a hard decision with limited people I can talk to who know what this feels like.
Thank you in advance
posted 3rd Nov
Just do what you feel is right. If you cant see yourself raising this child, then abort. I wouldn't tell him about the baby unless you're going to keep it. He might convince you to keep a child that you don't desire. Ive never had a abortion but I know many that have and each person handles it differently. If you do get married down the road and want children you can always adopt or do IFV. Best of luck OP, its going to be a hard decision either way.quote
posted 3rd Nov
Honestly, it's not irresponsible to abort this child if you don't want children right now. It's not fair for a child to be raised by a parent(s) who doesn't want them. That's damaging. I wouldn't suggest telling him about the baby because he might insist that you keep the child and if that isn't what you want, then you don't need to be talked/forced into it. And not everyone has a bad reaction to an abortion. Emotionally or physically. I know plenty of women who have an abortion and go on to have children later when the time is right.
Bottom line is, if being a parent right now is not for you, then do what you feel is right for you.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.
posted 6th Nov
This is a tough situation you're in right now. Any woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant is going to be anxious about the future. I can see that you are trying to figure out what to do and have many questions and thoughts going through your mind. Hey, I realize that you have a lot to process and struggling with all of these conflicting feelings you have.
You mentioned that you are limited on who you can talk to about this. I know how beneficial it is for me to have a support system when life throws a curveball. Have you considered getting some help from your local pregnancy resource center? The staff are caring, non-judgmental and can provide much needed counsel. And, I know that you can locate centers in your area by giving OptionLine a call at 1-800-712-HELP. Their site offers a great deal of useful information about issues related to an unplanned pregnancy. This might be worth checking out. I hope this helps.
Thinking of you!
posted 12th Nov
To be honest with you either way its your decision but I am going thru the same thing. I just had a baby 4 months ago and I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I struggled for a few weeks to pick a choice. But every time I look at my son and feel the love from my son I know that keeping this baby is the right choice for me. If you feel your not ready and cant handle it then maybe abortion is right for you but believe me there is no greater love than a child. I lost a baby already so for me its a bit different. Whatever choice you make will be the right one for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to inbox me or parentank me.quote