I am loosing my grasp on life. I used to be on medication, but kept forgetting to take it and I haven't taken it for about 6 months. And I keep forgetting to call my Dr during business hours.
I am angry all the time, my kids drive me bat smurf crazy. All I do is yell at them and prevent them from acting like kids. It is like I am having an outer body experience. I know what I am doing is wrong, but I can't stop it. I want to be the fun loving wife/mom I used to be where I would play and laugh and have fun with people and always had a smile on my face. Now I am miserable, nothing makes me happy. I am pissed all the time over nothing. I know this isn't healthy.
I don't know where I went wrong in life. I have had a lot of smurffy things happen to me in my past but I thought I was over them. I hate everything right now, I have no desire to do anything. I hardly have the desire to get better. I honestly don't even feel like getting help with help me. Like I know it will, but there is part of me that keeps talking my self out of it.
Please tell me I am not the only one. This is an everyday thing, not just random break downs. I feel like this every damn day. When my oldest goes to school it is one of the best parts of the day, I dread when he comes home. Bed time doesn't come soon enough, I often count down the minutes where I can be alone.