One of those nights

Where I can't stop thinking of my angel. My baby boy. He was perfect. I just wish I got a chance to see him take his first breath. To look into his eyes. To see him smile. To hear him giggle. The pain in my heart is unreal. I feel like I was doing better by not crying everday like I use too. Then I went on YouTube and started watching memorial videos of other little angels. My heart breaks for those parents, and it breaks for the little babies. I just wish they got a chance grow and play. To meet thier siblings/family. That's how I feel about my son. I'll never get a chance to hold him again or kiss his little cheeks. I just remember the feeling of hold my son in the hospital. He was lifeless, so still and I just wished he could some how take a breath. Wishing that it was a bad dream. I still wish that. I feel so horrible. I just wish I couldve saved him. It's my job to carry him for 40 weeks and to make sure he is ok. I just feel like my body failed him. He deserves to live. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. No one in my family asks about him or how I'm feeling or anything. It's almost like they've already forgotten about him and it's only been 6 1/2 weeks. I don't feel comfortable talking to them anyway. I don't think they would understand. I'm just trying to find ways to get out my feelings. I just miss my son so much and wish I was still carrying him. I would be 31 weeks and 4 days today. Well I guess that's the end of my vent for now.

I still get those nights and its almost been 4 years. I'm so very sorry for your loss. If you need you can PM me I'm willing to listen.

i know honey exactly how you feel. i stayed up crying for 2 hours on tuesday night.