re: A Father's Case Against Breast-Feeding

It kind of shocks me every time to see the defensiveness people feel about switching to or using formula. Formula feeding isn't failure. They are right, it's just a choice and mental health is most important when both options are acceptable.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" It kind of shocks me every time to see the defensiveness people feel about switching to or using formula. ... [snip!] ... feeding isn't failure. They are right, it's just a choice and mental health is most important when both options are acceptable."</blockquote>




For me.. I felt like giving my child formula meant that I failed at being able to provide for him as nature intended.. Much less taking the "easy" way about it. Breast feeding is a lot of work but the bond made it all worth it. And formula wasn't a choice made by me, it was the oly other option after no longer being able to breastfeed, that is what made it all the more difficult to handle emotionally.

I pretty much agree with the article. Some people can handle sleep deprivation a lot better than others. LO just recently started wanting to eat less than every hour and sometimes he doesn't sleep at all in 24 hours. And by like, hour 20 I really just want to rip my hair out. It's much easier to get stressed out without sleep.

<blockquote><b>Quoting GL♣:</b>" I really feel the opposite about this article. Particularly because I was the only one out of all of ... [snip!] ... But through all of that I had an amazingly supportive husband constantly reminding me that I can never say I didn't try."</blockquote>




I agree with this. I've been breastfeeding for a year and get little to no support. Formula feeding is greatly encouraged around here, and I've heard many women congratulated on switching to formula.

Do I think it's a bad thing for women to formula feed? No, I do however think women should try. If they can't for whatever reason, then they can't.

I think the guilt comes from the fact that no matter what you do as a mother someone else considers it wrong. There is no job judged more harshly than being a mother.

If the family is happy and heathy then let them be.

I understand they have feelings of failure (especially his wife) but this reminds me of situations like..

Some sleep-deprived new mom is asking how to get her newborn to sleep better, says she doesn't want to let them cry, and some mom who needs to justify herself says "My three kids CIO from 1 week and they're fine."

or...

Somebody asks when babies should start solids and somebody who wants to recruit another person so they feel like they made the right choice says "Mine started cereal at 2mo and is fine."

Good for them that formula works for their family. I really don't care what anybody else feeds their baby. But I hate articles that pretty much say "It's okay to quit trying. It turned out better for us." When a woman has had enough, she will find her own time to quit trying. Women shouldn't be made to feel guilty for quitting. They should feel good for trying at all. But trying to get other people to make the same decision so you feel better is just weak.

ETA - point being if you feel you made the right decision, you don't need to hear other people do the same.

I completely agree with this. Happy families raise happy babies. A baby doesn't want to see Mom crying and Dad anxious all the time.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BryarWoods:</b>" When i exclusiley BF for a full year, I felt like a prisoner and so alone. It always seemed to be me ... [snip!] ... but its not so easy for everyone. Although I produced and physically BF with no issue, I think it took an emotional toll on me."</blockquote>


Besides also having horrible latch issues with my first, this was almost EXACTLY how I felt as well. I had my DD at the beginning of December and the holidays are a very busy time for my family. I was a lot more "conservative"? then and would always have to go to another room to feed. Because we were having so many problems, I was feeding her every hour or so and just like you, I was trapped in a room constantly. I felt so alone and had to hear everyone enjoying their time the next room over. I would just sit there trying to get her to latch and cry and cry. I finally gave up after about a month and switched. The only reason I could afford it was having WIC pay for it. This time around, I'm due nov 29. Another holiday baby. But I have much more support and resources. Hopefully I can have a much better experience.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" It kind of shocks me every time to see the defensiveness people feel about switching to or using formula. ... [snip!] ... feeding isn't failure. They are right, it's just a choice and mental health is most important when both options are acceptable."

To me it was a huge failure ... we spent many hundreds of dollars and hours seeing lactation consultants, pediatricians, nutritionalists, naturopaths, and private midwives. We tried every herbal and medicinal supplemental or drug out there to try and a) boost my supply, and b) make it so my son could actually digest breast milk. In the end it was all for nothing and after 12 weeks of my son having yo-yo-ing blood sugar levels and being so starving he was unable to sleep or settle or basically do anything other than scream, my doctor PRESCRIBED us formula.
I hated myself, went through periods where I considered adoption because clerarly I was unable to do what was best for my child ... and to make it worse Australia has such a huge breastfeeding culture that every mothers group or child health nurse we've been to since has made a point about breast being best and that my son is destined for obesity and developmental issues.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" To me it was a huge failure ... we spent many hundreds of dollars and hours seeing lactation consultants, ... [snip!] ... we've been to since has made a point about breast being best and that my son is destined for obesity and developmental issues."</blockquote>



Omg. I thought I felt bad! That's awful.

think its a great article. I also think its very important that both parents KNOW they haven't failed their child in any way; if anything, they are succeeding in a lot of ways that others aren't.
Breastfeeding is healthier in some ways, yet isn't in others. Physically depending on the Mother's own diet and physical health; ultimately what Mom eats the baby eats. Mentally, the Mother's stress level is also a factor; if Mom is stressed, the baby picks up on it.
Mom and Dad alike aren't able to nurture a child the way he/she deserves and needs if they aren't in a good emotional state of mind themselves and they won't be if they aren't able to take care of themselves and each other first.
Dad mentions in the article that parenthood is a team effort, and he's right. Mom breastfeeding gives her a solid opportunity to bond with the child, but it also leaves her tired and more vulnerable to post par-tum blues. Without breast feeding and Dad helping with midnight snacks, Dad also has more time to bond with the child while helping Mom to get the rest she needs to recover quicker and adjust to the changes she's facing both physically and emotionally.
It is important to know that whatever choice Mom and Dad make for their child it is a safe and healthy one... any formula on the market would not be available if it had not passed the necessary quality and health control standards.
Make what ever choice that fits your family's needs confidently!