Husband in jail, two weeks before birth, young single mom HE

Hi, my name is Kaila, and I am stuck between a rock & a hard place right now. My husband and I have married at a young age and have been together for three years now.... I being 19, him 22. Throughout our entire relationship, he has been in quit a bit of legal trouble, and involved himself , and I are illegal activity. From the moment I had knowledge of this I tried steering him in the right direction to make adult decisions and mature actions. He didnt listen and got into some deep,DEEP trouble. We have had two previous pregnancies(miscarriages), and this (being my third) I will be able to carry and have this baby. As he continued to make dumb decisons I worked and supported our home including bills. Because of financial reasons we couldnt pay bills and ended up living seperate with our families. His DEEP DEEP Trouble caught up with him recently while im 38 weeks pregnant and it is apparent, he will be in jail ,most likely prison for awhile. which means our daughter will be born without him being there and he will miss her entire childhood. This has happened to him because of his own decisons and disreguards of my warnings. I am 19 years old and thankfully by the gracy of god my mom is helping me raise my baby and get on my feet. Because legal situations, i cannot contact him or his family about anything including the baby. I will always love him ,but the fact is im not sure what to do. I will raise this baby and go to school and earn a living because apparently he cant. The question is , should I wait on him till he gets out? (which can be years 5,10, so on...its a possibility) or should i go on with my life? I have no problem waiting because id do that for him, i just dont want to waste my time waiting on him for him to get out and mooch off of me, and still not grow up financially and maturely..... I want the best for my daugther and i dont want to bring her dad fully in her life if it will still consist of drug involvement. I want my family together, but not sure if he will change... any suggestions? I dont want to move on, and hurt him (he wouldnt even know we cant communicate) and he come out and change ! Any suggestions? From a young a unplanned single mom, 2 weeks in advance of birth...

Well what did he do? That would probably make quite a bit of a difference...
Also, you dont want any of that around your baby.

I'd move on. If you're meant to be, then when he gets out things will be right. Don't wait for him.

My sons dad was arrested when my LO was around 10 months old and was only in jail for 11 months. I didn't wait. If I thought he would change I might have considered it, but that influence was not something I'd encourage my child to be around if I didn't have to. I was 17/18 when all this went on too, so it's possible to still get on your feet on your own.
I would personally move on with my life in your position.

I would move on with my life. He has made some rotten decisions and obviously didn't care about his family if now he's in jail. You sound very mature and smart, you don't deserve that at all. What if he gets out of jail and continues his drug dealings and puts you and LO in danger? You could also get in trouble with the law as well..

What he did would make the difference for me...why can't you contact him if he's your husband.,?

That is a tough situation since you can't have any contact with him. What did he do that he can't have contact with you?

If my husband didnt care enough about me and our growing family to stay out of trouble and be there for us, then I wouldn't see a reason to wait for him. You're so young! You have so much life ahead of you, and you and your child deserve. Ether than he is giving you.
Get yourself an education, take care of your daughter, and set the example so that she knows how to be a strong independent woman. Don't show her that a man cant behave that way and abandon his family and you'll just take it.

i mean, if you do wait on him to get out...when he does...he will HAVE to mooch off of you like you said. it will be pretty hard for him to get a good job with a bad record.

jail doesn't always change people, i know from experience. im sure can, but...we never know until it gets there.
i really can't tell you what to do...because only you can make that decision.
however, if it were me...i'd probably move on and try everything i could to create a good life for my daughter.

Quoting [yo.]:" What he did would make the difference for me...why can't you contact him if he's your husband.,?"

It wouldn't make any difference at all for me. It's not just something small if he's going to prison.
OP, think about the life that you want for your child. Do you want your daughter growing up not knowing her father at all, and then suddenly have someone who has been in prison for years suddenly jump in and expect her to call him Daddy? Explaining to my daughter that Daddy was in prison for the first years of her life is not something I would be willing to do. Move on with your life and do what's best for your daughter. No matter how much you love him, he's not what's best for her.

the trouble hes into involves drugs, and this happened almost a year before we got pregnant, and is just now catching up to him. I respect and thank everysingle one of you for your input. It just makes this decision hard because for three years all i wanted was a stable working relationship, being able to afford things together and not rely on anyone, and for the entire time, i tried to get him to do right but instead i had to take control. Once i found out i was pregnant, all i wanted was a "family setting". So if any thing i tried pushing him harder for matureity and to take action, within the last few months he tried job hunting and got his family to put n a few good words for him at local businesses, and while waiting back to hear results from a job hes been waiting on for a while, he gets arrested. I have always told him i would be here for him, and i dont want him to have that replaying in his head for years to come to get out and realize what ive done. He made progresss in the ending, im just not so sure weather it was enough ...

Also, to ease your minds, im not allowed to talk to him because i am a witness in his case. He wasn't just caught and arrested, it took a jury to decide to arrest him or not.i was involved in that, (no choice) so because im involved in his case, i cannot contact.

Quoting Kaila Ducote:" Also, to ease your minds, im not allowed to talk to him because i am a witness in his case. He wasn't ... [snip!] ... a jury to decide to arrest him or not.i was involved in that, (no choice) so because im involved in his case, i cannot contact."

i thought if you were married, they cant make you be a witness in your spouses case.

Quoting SaraSaraBoBara:" i thought if you were married, they cant make you be a witness in your spouses case."

This!