So I'm currently going through a terrible time with my twins father
We are currently going to court and cannot agree on anything support custody or access, I have asked for full custody and supervised visitation as he has also no relationship with the twins they will only be 4 months next week . He was completely absent for the first month of their life because I would not let him take new born babies to his house (which is 1 1/2 hours away) and when he came to serve me papers I asked him why he had not seen them and his response was " we'll I don't need to be watched by you or your mother when I want my kids and plus I've been busy ive been going out and wake boarding with friends from work" I could not believe that! So since I have only allowed him to come here (and I am very flexible ) for the first while he would not come to see his kids unless he brought someone with him until I told him he needs to interact and build a relationship with them and not be sitting talking to his friend, and he also left one baby with poo all over his genitals after attempting to change him, this scared me because if he is doing that at a supervised visit what will happen when he has them. He also only ever changes one every time I pick them up (visitation is at my mother house ) one is always soaked almost through his clothes but he doesn't do anything with them either I provide toys and play mats and he just sits with them and watches tv and last time he fell asleep! The boys are at the age where they need to be stimulated constantly so they become fussy and he is unable to calm them down. my mother and I live in the same apartment building so I just bring them down when he comes so that I don't have to see him and he can have his time to bond with them and my mom just goes into her room but she's there incase something happens. It is not that I do not want him to have a relationship with them but he needs to improve his skills and relationship with them before he can take them on his own and start showing interest, he had said to my mom that his mother bugs him every night to have them come there so I don't think it is really him that wants to see them either I think it's her. And he never asks anything about them not how much they sleep eat weigh weather they have had doctors appointments NOTHING! I am sorry for the ramble but I just wanted to know how some of you have or are dealing with issues like this.
Do you get along with his mom? Could you go to her place with the babies and bridge the communication gap as a gesture of kindness perhaps? (Staying with them of course).
It's tough having a broken home. Hang in there, and always be alert, but take the high road and avoid getting ugly. That's the best advice I have. Keep you babies safe, be as nice as possible for their sake, don't let him bully you, get a good lawyer.
<blockquote><b>Quoting pilot Jess:</b>" Do you get along with his mom? Could you go to her place with the babies and bridge the communication ... [snip!] ... best advice I have. Keep you babies safe, be as nice as possible for their sake, don't let him bully you, get a good lawyer."</blockquote>
Thanks! I'm trying so hard to always be kind it is hard sometimes.
I unfortunately do not get alone with his mother what so ever she is very rude to me so I don't like to have contact with her at all but I have been able to try and be super nice to her and since I talk to his grandmother I send her pictures ( she lives 6 hours away ) and I tell her to send them to his mom. And I have made arrangements so that she can come down to see them with him and she was not able to handle them while she was here either.