Please help need advice ((Kind Long Please nothing mean))

Well let me start out by saying I'm not trying to be mean at all I'm just overly tired of it, Im 19 and i live with my mother older sister who is 23 and her two kids. And I've just had my 1st son 5 weeks ago   I love my son to death and couldn't imagine not wanting to raise him or not wanting to be around him ever. My sister on the other hand just seems like she hates raising her kids and they ruined her life. I've even heard her say that before it breaks my heart because i love my nephews and hate seeing them get yelled at by her when she does spend time with them. shes only with them at night when they are sleep cause she works and stay away til maybe 7pm nd leave at 830am.. granted they are not prefect what child is but they are only 3 and 20months but what really breaks my heart is to see my mother have to give up her life to raise them. My sister doesnt want to move out or says she cant and my mother well she is not doing so well and it kills me because i know she shouldnt have to run after little kids all day she just cant do it. my sister cliams she has no one else but my mother to raise her kids ((even tho its not her problem)) so she has giving up working full time now only part time to watch them. i dont know to say as she is a single mother who's baby's father put her thur hell. And I'm raising my son with my boyfriend of four years and we are getting married and moving out July of next year so I feel maybe I don't fully understand or she'll say I don't. I just don't know to do anymore I need my mommy to be healthy nd here for a long time but raising my sisters kids is slowly killing her and my mother knows it what do I say to my sister..

((Please no mean comments))

Honestly motherhood just isn't for everyone. But she she also needs to use some kind of method to prevent from getting pregnant.

She sounds lonely, sad, frustrated and depressed. I'm your sister's age and I have had a 3 year old and 20 month old. It can be overwhelming sometimes, especially since it seems like her BD is not in the picture. Your sister needs to realize that she has a responsibility to her children. Not your mother. If I was your mom, I'd be having a talk with her and give her a deadline for her to move out.

Same thing I said. But they are here now so am I wrong for wanting her to raise her own kids and just let my mom be a grandparent not a new mom all over again. It's just not fair to other.

there's nothing you can say really..she's an adult, 2 young kids are hard I would imagine and maybe your sister just wasn't ready...you have a baby..a tiny little baby as of right now, when he gets older you'll see how frustrating raising a toddler gets..let alone 2 toddlers while having to work and support them while being a single parent...although she should figure something out instead of depending on your mom to raise them.....I suggest you ask your mom what she wants..seeing as how this is her house full of kids that aren't hers and although I'm sure she loves them it has to be hard not getting to just enjoy herself..

Quoting [(DashonJrsMommy)]:" Same thing I said. But they are here now so am I wrong for wanting her to raise her own kids and just let my mom be a grandparent not a new mom all over again. It's just not fair to other."

Not wrong at all. Like I said, its your sister's responsibility. She needs to step up.

Quoting Jas ♥:" She sounds lonely, sad, frustrated and depressed. I'm your sister's age and I have had a 3 year old and ... [snip!] ... to her children. Not your mother. If I was your mom, I'd be having a talk with her and give her a deadline for her to move out."

I agree.

I am like thatsometimes.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" She sounds lonely, sad, frustrated and depressed. I'm your sister's age and I have had a 3 year old and ... [snip!] ... to her children. Not your mother. If I was your mom, I'd be having a talk with her and give her a deadline for her to move out."</blockquote>




I understand but my mom was a single mother with no help from our fathers and raised us just find was always there no matter what and Oh my mom has she gave her two years with my 1st nephew nd two more years with my second nephew.she just say she doesn't want to leave. My mother has even threaten to move to a smaller place just so she will get it together but nothing she does ever works. I told my mom to move in with me for free just so I know she won't have to stress..

Quoting [(DashonJrsMommy)]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" She sounds lonely, sad, frustrated and depressed. ... [snip!] ... together but nothing she does ever works. I told my mom to move in with me for free just so I know she won't have to stress.."

If you're mom is going to give deadlines, she needs to follow through with them. Being a single mother is hard, I'm sure, but its not impossible. Women do it every day.

why can't your sister put the kids in daycare?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs.O!:</b>" there's nothing you can say really..she's an adult, 2 young kids are hard I would imagine and maybe your ... [snip!] ... house full of kids that aren't hers and although I'm sure she loves them it has to be hard not getting to just enjoy herself.."</blockquote>




I understand what your saying as far as the young kids I've seen its hard but i could never imagine taking it out on my son when thing got hard like my mother always has told me kids don't ask to come into the world. and I was 15 when my oldest nephew came along. Sometimes I have taken care of them. they use to be with me all the time unless I was at work until my little one came along. I'm just fed up now like she has to step up.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" why can't your sister put the kids in daycare?"</blockquote>




She says she can't afford it. That part I really understand it not cheap at all but other people make it work sometime I'm just at a lost.

Quoting [(DashonJrsMommy)]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaNoodle:</b>" why can't your sister put the kids in daycare?"</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... can't afford it. That part I really understand it not cheap at all but other people make it work sometime I'm just at a lost."

it is expensive. but if she makes too little, then she should be able to get assistance for it. that should take some of the pressure off your mother.

I know exactly how you feel. My own mother had 3 kids and she never raised any of them, my older sister went with her and and I went with my grandma ( moms mom) and she died when my younger sister was 18 months. My gramma gave up he life to raise me and my younger sister because my stepfather was a junkie and now his new wife is a junkie and they have 2 younger boys that my gramma is pretty much responsible for since their mother is never in the house. My gramma already had heart problem and the doctor already told her that the stress of that house will kill her but she is so afraid of what will happen to the kids. Your sister needs to step up and take responsibility of the lives she created. Being a parent is hard and it sucks sometimes but your mother has her own life and health to take care of. People are selfish and dont look at things from others point of view and even though we wish people would change they wont. Your sister is going to keep using your mother because it benifits her needs and its really up to your mother how much she is going to take. I say talk to you mom and make a point about how she needs to worry about herself to make sure that she will be here for a long time to see her grandchildren gow up but that its not her job to raise them.

Quoting Jas ♥:" She sounds lonely, sad, frustrated and depressed. I'm your sister's age and I have had a 3 year old and ... [snip!] ... to her children. Not your mother. If I was your mom, I'd be having a talk with her and give her a deadline for her to move out."

That was my thought.

OP~ have you thought about your sister possibly suffereing from depression? I love my kids and begged god every night for the chance to become a mother for YEARS. There was a time when I didn't want to attach to the kids. I would wrap myself up in house work or the computer just so that I could have little interaction. Guess what? PPD was my culprit. Since getting that situation back under control I am back to the mom I was and should always be.

She has a lot on her plate. Self induced but it is clearly more than she can handle.