Reaching out for help with PPD. I need some advice.
posted 29th Oct
Hey Ladies! I know this seems like a very odd "first post" but if you read my front page you'll see that I'm not actually a bg "newb" at all.
I recently had my first Baby and I'm having some issues. I have always dealt with Anxiety and some depression. I see a Dr. as well as take medicine for it. It's generally under control to the point where I don't notice it anymore. Lately though, I've been having some issues. From the time LO was born, I knew I didn't feel connected to him the way I should. I love him to death , please don't get me wrong - but I don't feel like I've bonded with him the way I should. I always take care of him and meet all his daily needs...but it feels like I'm just "going through the motions" or doing it because it's what needs to be done. I can't say I'm enjoying it. I doubt myself and my ability to be a good mother. I feel trapped, and like my life will never be the same again. I cry when I'm alone - a lot. I have lost interest in most of the things I used to like, and I find it a struggle to completely my normal everyday tasks (cooking, cleaning etc.)I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm short with my Husband and other family members. I feel SO lonely most of the time, yet I don't feel like I could socialize normally. I have to FORCE myself out of bed in the morning. These are just some examples of what I'm going through.
I kept telling myself that it would get better, and that these feelings would go away...but they haven't. As a matter of fact, I've felt worse the last few days. I didn't want to tell anyone. I feel extremely embarassed and I'm afraid people are going to think I'm crazy. People tend to think that women with PPD all want to hurt their babies or themselves. I have NO feelings like that (thank god!) I just feel generally...well, depressed, and also hopeless.
I finally broke down and told my Mom last night. She was extremely supportive. I also told my Husband, and he handled it pretty well...although I don't think he fully understands. The next step is my Dr. I made an appointment with her this morning, and I'm going to tell her what's going on. It's really hard for me to admit I'm having this problem...but I realize that the women who start running into MAJOR issues with ppd, are they women who don't reach out for help. I know it has to be addressed, it's just so uncomfortable doing so. My son deserves his Moms full attention and affection...so more than anything, I'm doing this for him.
So, Ladies who have suffered with ppd. How long did it take before it "got better"? What kind of treatment is there for it? Does it ever fully go away? Any advice or input would really be greatly appreciated.
posted 29th Oct
Awww I'm sorry you're feeling bad
I had it, I didn't realize it til it was pretty bad. I did counseling ( there were issues going on that I believe made it worse) and I took a natural route, supplemented with Sam-e and fish oil. Once I started that regimen it got drastically better within a couple weeks and then weekly thereafter became more tolerable before it went away completely. I started feeling like myself again around 10mos pp, that was about 3 months after I realized I had it.
I hope you feel better soon, sounds like you have support from your mom and so, that's great!
posted 29th Oct
I was like you, I've suffered with depression in the past, it's not nice.
When DS was born I had a really tough labour, a lot of things went wrong and it was the complete opposite of what I'd hope for.
DS wasn't breathing when he was first born so we didn't get that initial skin to skin either which didn't help. I remember feeling almost robbed of my pregnancy, I had bonded with my bump when I was pregnant but found it really hard to transfere that 'bond' feeling over to him. We also had a rough start with breastfeeding, DS was tongue tied and it hurt so bad, I almost resented him for putting me through everything. I didn't feel like he was mine or I was connected to him in any way, I just wanted to run away. I never wanted to do anything bad, I just felt lost and hopeless. I just went through the motions like you.
I didn't fully bond with him until he was about 6 weeks old, even now those first few weeks are a blur and I look back on pictures that were taken and I don't remember any of it. I used to feel so smurf and such a bad mother that I don't remember those first precious weeks but now I know it wasn't my fault at all.
DS is know nearly four months old, I still get the occasional bad day but it's so much better, I love him to pieces and couldn't imagine my world without him. He's growing and developing as a little person and I love every new little thing he learns.
My advise is definitely to get help, I didn't and suffered in silence. I promise it gets better. I hope you get the help you deserve, PPD is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and it doesn't make you a bad mother. You have such great support in your mother and SO, don't be scared to take advantage of that and talk things through with them.
posted 29th Oct
I had PPD also. Im 17 and my boyfriend doesnt live with me so when he would go & I would be with the baby I would cry. I didnt know why I felt like that but after about a week and a half I was use to his routine and it seemed to have went away. I didn't take any medicine for it I just let it go away on its own because the medicine they gave me for it made everything worse. I know how you feel its just really hard at first.quote
posted 29th Oct
I had terrible PPD after my daughter was born. I had a hard time connecting with my pregnancy th whole time but I hoped it would chnge when she arrived. When i had my son it was this instant amazing bond and love like i cant even explain. But with her It just didn't happen. I didn't want To care for her, I didnt want to hold her or nurse. I just didn't want to do any of the stuff you're supposed to. I did it anyway but I felt obligated instead of feeling like I wanted to care for her. I breastfed and coslept and wore her around and all the things thAt you're supposed to do to promote bonding, I just didn't feel any of it. I was going through the motions. And she had a terrible nursing latch which made it painful to feed her everytime for the first 3 months. As you can imagine that added to the PPD but I felt like it was the only nurturing thing I could do for her and I just felt guilty, so i persevered through the pain and kept nursing. I didn't bring it up to anyone until she was 4 months old. I broke down at her 4 month check up and told my doctor how ibwas feeling. She prescribed a mild antidepressant in a low dose so I could keep nursing. It took about a month but I did start to feel better and connect with her. I remained on the meds until she was about 13 months and then I weaned off. Now im crazy about her and I love caring for her. I still feel guilty about her first 4 months but I can't turn back time so I'm just making sure she knows how much I love her now.quote