It's coming up on 2 years.

In 5 days, it'll be 2 years since I went through the worst experience of my life.

With my first miscarriage, I was around 5 weeks. The physical trauma was worse than the emotional, I think. I was 13 years old, and it was better for both me and the sperm donor. He was 16 and just an overall horrible human being.

However, the one from 2 years ago, shook me. I was 13 weeks, and 15 years old. I thought I loved the guy I was with, but after the experience we went through, it became very obvious that he was not who I thought.

It was the day before Halloween when I decided natural miscarriage was the way to do it. I didn't want to go to the hospital. So I waited, knowing my little one had stopped developing weeks before.

So, as I cramped and bled, I cried at home by myself.

I passed it. I didn't want to look, and chose to just flush. I knew I'd break down if I did anything else. It was horrible and traumatizing enough as it was, if I saw it, I'd only get more traumatized.

So, I medicated the only way I knew how. I popped my mom's Percocet and chased it with a couple shots of the Long Island Iced Tea mix. It was Halloween now, and I knew I had to talk to my boyfriend eventually.

So, before we all took off to go about our shenasmurfns, I pulled him to the side by my house. I told him, through tears what happened. So he hit me. He hit me harder than I've ever been hit before.
He told me it was my fault, and that he hated me.

So I accepted it.

It's been almost 2 years since then and I just...every time Halloween comes up in conversation, it's all I can think about.

Sorry.
Just had to share with someone.

That's so sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. ):

I'm so sorry, mama. Going through a miscarriage is painful enough. I can't imagine being treated so badly by a significant other. *Hugs*

Quoting Squeaky McGee:" I'm so sorry, mama. Going through a miscarriage is painful enough. I can't imagine being treated so badly by a significant other. *Hugs*"

As relieved as I am to be out of that relationship now, it hurts that that was the way it had to end.

The only upside from what happened, or at least I try to see it as an upside, is without it I probably wouldn't be with the amazing, supportive person I'm with now, and I wouldn't be able to say I'm the (not so patiently) waiting mama of a little boy.