What do I say?

What do you say? My best friend delivered her DD stillborn on 7/11 and today was her due date. And she ended up pregnant again (found out she was 4 weeks 5 days last week Tuesday and lost the baby on Sunday, she has a clotting issue that is causing all these losses and the drs want her on meds the day she finds out, they didn't help this time). Her sister was due last week Friday and had the baby today on her original due date.

I feel so bad for her. She has had so much heartache and all I have been able to do is be there to listen. It seems like a hollow thing....I want to help but don't know how. There have been times when all of our kids were napping she just laid her head on a pillow in my lap and cried.

You don't have to say anything. All you have to do is listen and be there for her. Let her cry on you. That is all she needs right now. Nothing you say will make her feel any better. This is just something she needs to get through but it will be easier with someone that is just there for her. You are doing a great job already.

Not sure...I'm so sorry.

Continue to listen and maybe...take her out or do something to make her feel special. Actions can speak louder than words, especially when you aren't sure what to say...

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥GarciaMommy:</b>" You don't have to say anything. All you have to do is listen and be there for her. Let her cry on you. ... [snip!] ... she needs to get through but it will be easier with someone that is just there for her. You are doing a great job already."</blockquote>

It just feels like it isn't helping at all just sitting in silence with her while she cries (or sometimes she will just tell me about her DD and holding her and what she looked like) but she asks me to come over and just sit with her. I do anytime she needs me to. I have had two early miscarriages but nothing past 12 weeks....I can literally not imagine he pain she feels (and hope and pray I never do) so I try to follow what she is ready for.

I guess the question now is whether or not she's receptive when you do say anything...it might feel like you're not helping, but she may feel differently...engage in conversation about her daughter if it makes her feel better! And be patient.

You're probably doing better than you know and I wish you both the best in the future.

<blockquote><b>Quoting helix:</b>" I guess the question now is whether or not she's receptive when you do say anything...it might feel like ... [snip!] ... makes her feel better! And be patient. You're probably doing better than you know and I wish you both the best in the future."</blockquote>


Even though it happened in July she still can't talk about her angel without sobbing. Her.DH refuses to talk to her about it or listen so she calls me. I know what she wants by what she asks for, either "someone to talk to" or "can you come and sit with me". One she is open to conversation and the other she just wants to know someone is there that cares about her and will listen.

That's so sad...is it because he's hurt as well, or just unsupportive?

If the latter is the case I would be even more compelled to get her out of the house, have a nice day out with the girls. Have lots of quiet days too, but give her a taste of the norm or fun and whatnot...

 

I think you're doing the best you can!