help with punishment

I need help for you ladies. I'm a single mom of two little boys ages almost 4 and 2. No matter what i do spank, time outs, stick them in their room, no play time, no tv .. i cannot get my kids to listen and respect me the way they should.
Their father hasn't been around since Easter, he's in jail and possibly going to prison i'm not sure yet. We haven't been together for over two years and he hasn't been around much espcially in my two year olds life. My son actually doesn't even know thats his father. Anyways i need tips on how to get them to mind me better because obviously nothing i'm doing is working.
i try to be stern and consistint with punishments but i crack alot of the time.

if you can help please share your secrets !

TIA

You sound like me not counting the kids dads part.

Maybe you should reverse it? And reward them for being good? Like..get a sticker chart..they get a small prize at the end of the week?

Just a suggestion, I'm not there yet..I have an 18 month old

Your first problem is cracking. You absolutely have to have a plan and stick to it, otherwise they know they can pester you until they get their way.

Dd is 4 and she started throwing huge tantrums. I started taking her TV away for one day per tantrum. Now that she has learned that if she throws a tantrum I'm going to do that she doesnt do it. I also have a specific time out chair that doesn't move. If she gets in trouble she has to sit on her pockets in that chair. Either 5 minutes or until she stops crying.

Consistency is key. You have to stop cracking. Trust me, I know it's hard but if you don't stick to your word they won't listen to anything you say because you don't always back it up. Try having them do more activities, outside time, arts and crafts, etc. Also, praise them for good behavior. The sticker chart someone mentioned is a good idea.. At the end of the week if they have x amount of stickers they can get extra playtime, tv time, a small prize, etc. It'll take some time but you can do it  

I posted basically the same thing a few weeks ago. I was advused to just be consistant. What I do now is I say "If you don't stop doing x, you will get a timeout. I will count to three to give.you time to listen" I usually don't even get to one before he listens.