re: Step Kids

Quoting Tikaytasha:" I mean, my 3 year old helps put away the silver wear and stuff like that. But for the most part I just let her play and be a kid."

That's a chore, picking up toys is a chore, putting shoes away and hanging up coat is a chore.

Quoting Amanda Schumann:" My SD is spoiled, her father and I are the only ones who enforce rules, her mother never makes her do ... [snip!] ... her, but her mother tells her that im evil, and that i hate her, and im the reason her mommy and daddy arent together anymore. "

THIS is the same thing that I was talking about earlier. My nieces mom has gone so far as to say, "If you love your dad and his girlfriend I won't love you anymore."
It's absolutely heartbreaking. Some parents are just smurfed.

Quoting Amanda Schumann:" My SD is spoiled, her father and I are the only ones who enforce rules, her mother never makes her do ... [snip!] ... her, but her mother tells her that im evil, and that i hate her, and im the reason her mommy and daddy arent together anymore. "

I really think she needs some one on one time with you. She probably feels "replaced" and if somebody is constantly getting after her for doing something wrong, that just makes it worse. Have a little "date" with just you and her.

Quoting lilredsmurfy:" Did you take your ECE course too? Lol terminology nazi. Please go on and tell the OP the appropriate ... [snip!] ... slapping her son in the face. "Lucy, that hurts Tommy. Can you see that Tommy is hurt? Please use your gentle hands on Tommy.""

Close, in 7 more weeks I'll have my degree in early childhood studies, the first year incorporated a lot of the ECE stuff though, so when I graduate I'll have a diploma in ECE but a 4 year degree in Childhood Studies, it's a two for one kinda deal   Ahhhhh....cannot wait, I really should be working on my 200 page portfolio report right now, but always seem to space out over her  

Quoting Momma x 2:" Close, in 7 more weeks I'll have my degree in early childhood studies, the first year incorporated a ... [snip!] ... wait, I really should be working on my 200 page portfolio report right now, but always seem to space out over her  "

It's a fun course. I got my ECE license last year. Best job ever.

Quoting lilredsmurfy:" It's a fun course. I got my ECE license last year. Best job ever."

Yeah, I've been working in the school board with the full-day learning program and it's been great....I just need to hurry up with these last few assignments and official apply for a full time position, right now I'm only supply b/c of school but my goal is to get in with the union and take advantage of 6 hour work days, full benefits and all school holidays and summers off....AHHHHHH I cannot wait!!!

Quoting lilredsmurfy:" It's a fun course. I got my ECE license last year. Best job ever."

Did you take the one or two year course for that? B/C where I live it's usually 2 years at the colleges, But at University they incorporate into a one year intensive and then 3 more years for the degree (but you still get the ECE diploma as well)

Could you try a reward/sticker chart to make chores more bearable for her? I think you have to try and see things from her point of view - i am not however giving her any excuses for hitting or not listening, I'm just saying try and understand how drastically her life has changed lately. She has 2 new siblings, a new mommy, and i'm assuming a new daddy. She is probably acting out for attention and because she doesn't know how to cope with all the change. Make chores fun for her, she's only 5 so she doesn't get its her duty to do it. Being the stepmom is hard. I have 2 stepsons and trust me, the first couple years were a nightmare. DH and I also have a daughter 2 years ago and i noticed a lot of behavioral changes. Try your best to bond with her, don't try to be her friend.... be her parent but try and make that connection with her. She has to learn to respect you as an adult and parent figure, but you also want her to come to you when she needs something or wants to talk (especially when she gets older). I can relate that being the stepmom is especially hard when you don't get along with their mother and she is saying horrible things about you - this happened to me in the beginning. However since then I have a great relationship with Dh's ex wife and i speak to her more about the kids than he does. Could you try and go that route? Swallow your pride and try to make nice? I had too.... i only did bc of my the boys. I couldn't take the stress anymore - we had 2 different households with 2 different rules and things weren't consistent from house to house which can be very confusing for a child. Since we communicate now, we have agreed on punishments & privileges and it is sooo much better for the boys now. I mean, imagine your SD going from house to house and the rules aren't consistent? Of course she's gonna act out. She likes having no rules at her mom's house! I would start there - if your DH doesn't want to speak to her, you might as well. You are going to be in that little girl's life for many years, as well as her mother's. I sucked it up & now looking back I am so glad I did. I can call her, text her and she helps us and we help her. It is a rare & unique relationship we all have, and the fact that we are all in sync and work together helps so much!

We have tried to talk to her mother, and its like talking to a brick wall, she says "i'll raise her how i want, if you dont like it, oh well deal with it" this woman is a complete bitch, this past weekend my SD threw a 2 hour fit screaming at the top of her lungs saying she wanted her mom, so we called her mom to try to calm SD down, and her mother ended up yelling at us because we interrupted her dinner she was having with her husband. That right there pissed me off, if my children need me for any reason, i'll be there, i dont care if im having dinner the the president and hes offering to give me 100 million dollars, if my kids need me, i'll be by there side "sorry mr. president, gotta go" ya know, but she acted like she didnt care, that she had more important things to do. This is the type of woman that we haft to deal with every day....she yells at my husband cuz he doesnt go to any of my SD school functions and parent teacher conferences, but SD lives 2 1/2 hours away and hubby is always working. My SD has surgery 2 years ago, and she would not let me to go the hospital to see SD.....she hates me, and i did nothing wrong, i got with hubby after they had be broken up for 6 months and she was already dating someone else.....shes called my daughter and my boys ugly....stuff like that, so trying to work things out with her is out of the question.

My heart goes out to you, Amanda and I am glad that you've reached out to connect with other moms regarding your SD. It sounds like things have been pretty rough these past few months. You are probably right that your SD is feeling a little displaced with DH and you having a new baby.

The blending of families is a particularly challenging task, marked by its own typical set of problems and frustrations. There are no easy answers. I just wanted to share a couple of thoughts with you.

I believe that DH as the biological parent needs to be the one to discipline his daughter in both a loving and firm way -- even though as the stepparent, you are more likely to see the household situation more clearly. You might need to take a step back and realize that taking a position of authority is rarely effective. I can see that you are like me, and want there to be order in the house. As it was mentioned by several others, just making a heart entry into your SD's life may be the most positive strategy. It seems that she needs someone to be there in her corner. It takes time too for the dynamics of blended families to work through various stages. I can vouch through experience that these difficulties tend to diminish over time.

If you like to read, there are two books that provide some advice that may be beneficial to both hubby and you as you walk through this season. I heard about them through Focus on the Family. The titles are "Smart Stepfamily" by Ron Deal and "Blended Families" by Maxine Marsolini. Hang in there!

Know that your family is in my prayers. Blessings!

OMG your story is the exact same as mine i can't even believe it.. i wanna cry just knowing im not the only one.. It gets better i promise i went through the same thing we had babies around the same time my SD acted up so bad.. And now finally 15 months later it isn't as bad.. Just keep up what your doing and im sure she'll adjust to the new babies.. as far as the 2 different types of parenting that is something we are still dealing with.. so if u have a stubborn baby mama then you just might have to deal.